Summertime Dreams
by RedtoBlue
Summary: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his best friend and lover. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised to be in touch. He never did. Ennis thought he'd had enough. But things are never that simple and easy. A present day story.
1. Chapter 1

**SUMMERTIME DREAMS**

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

I am enormously grateful to my technical advisor and beta, my best friend _cumulusnimbus._ Dearest T, I can't thank you enough for supporting me in all I do. Tlt

* * *

**Chapter 1 **

**7:00 a.m., Saturday, September 18****th****, 2004**

Ennis woke up from a restless night with a dull ache in his chest and a sense of foreboding. His sleep was full of dreams that he didn't remember but knew that Jack had been in them. Always Jack. Jack who was the main cause of his heartache. Jack whom Ennis knew he should finally give up dreaming about to save whatever was left of his broken heart and resolve. Resolve, huh? Who is he kidding? He'd never had much resolve as far as Jack was concerned…

…

"…_Ennis, if I ever gonna ask you to do something for me, this is it, bud, I'm asking you: please stay out of this. I'll beg if I must. Please? I have to deal with it myself. These are my demons, not yours. So just leave me be… for now, okay?... I have to go now. I'll be in touch, Ennis, I promise I will." _

…

He never did. Ennis had suspected that much at the time. It was just like Jane, Jack's own aunt, had warned him so many years ago. "Ennis, he will only break your heart. He is a Sinclair – we break the hearts of those who love us. I'm warning you, honest to God. If you want him that bad, be prepared to stand it… the heartbreak."

He should have listen to her then, should at least have tried to hold back with Jack, maybe just a little, shouldn't have given all of himself to it, whatever it'd been between them, so completely and irrevocably. But then it'd been too late by that time already, by years. So, instead, Ennis had tried his best to win Jack over, given it years, including the last twenty months since he had last seen Jack. Year after goddamn year of misery and partings. But then again, also of boundless joy and intoxicating passion and happiness he had never known with anyone else, before or after. Would unlikely have it with anyone else in the future, either.

He had stupidly thought he could win Jack over. Thought he was almost there, that Jack was changing little by little, accepting that "thing" between them that Jack had stubbornly refused to acknowledge, something very special. Something that didn't happen often by any means. Maybe even once in a lifetime. At least for Ennis it had been once in a life time. Jack had been… Still was... But he should have known Jack better after all. For Ennis knew Jack like nobody else did. Or cared enough to know.

For twenty one fucking years.

O

O O

**_First Summer Dreams - July 1983 _**

"_Who are you?" _

_Ennis was sitting on the bench at the side of the stables located at the far end of the show ground. His uncle Ed had agreed to take him to the horse trial demo at Mrs. Ross's estate, where he was working as a trainer, under the strictest condition that Ennis would stay put around the stables and out of harm's way. Uncle Ed and another trainer were to show the estate's horses to the group of a dozen or so of guests of Mrs. Ross and her visiting sister. Ennis knew he didn't quite deserve this special treat, not after the fight with two older boys at the school three days ago which had resulted in two bloodied noses, a black eye, a torn shirtsleeve or two and Uncle Ed being summoned to the Head of School. Ennis had thought he would be grounded for a month, if not more, afterwards. But Ed had taken his explanation surprising well, had agreed that even an eleven year old boy should stand up for himself when bullied. Especially when all he had wanted was to be left alone. _

_Ennis wasn't exactly a loner, at least not in the past. He used to like to play football, fly kites and ride the beaten up cycle he'd inherited from his big brother KE. But that seemed like gazillion years ago. A different life in a different place. A happy life which had now all gone. Ended just like that, on one beautiful autumn day last year when his parents and KE had gotten themselves in a fatal car accident just outside of Canterbury where they all had lived, leaving behind fifteen year old Alma and ten year old Ennis, all on their own. That's when Uncle Ed, who they had heard about but never met before, had turned up and taken the two of them up here, a small village on the north side of Bassenthwaite Lake in the Lake District. The place was breathtakingly beautiful, that much Ennis had recognized. But it was so small and distant, and Ennis missed his Mum and KE so much, and also his friends Bill and Pete from his old school back home - well, his old home – that he had taken to keeping to himself, feeling all sad and alone. Like now. _

_So, Ennis almost jumped out of his skin when a high-pitched, demanding voice jerked him out of his melancholic reverie. He raised his head and found himself staring into a pair of the bluest eyes he'd ever seen on anyone before. _

_The owner of the eyes, a boy, a bit younger than Ennis himself, in blue denims, a black cowboy hat and boots, stood cockily in front of him, thumbs curled in the belt loops on the sides of a large and fancy belt buckle. The type that cowboys in movies usually wore, reckoned Ennis. The blue-eyed boy looked like he expected an answer to his question, like right now._

"_I'm Ennis." _

"_Ennis? Your folks just stopped at Ennis?" The little cowboy, as Ennis started thinking of him, was nothing if not insistent._

"_Del Mar. Ennis Del Mar." _

_Ennis pressed his lips together, steeled himself for the teasing he was getting used to being on the receiving end from kids at school, about his foreign sounding name and the clippiness of his answers. But the boy suddenly gave Ennis a wide, bright smile and stuck out his hand._

"_Nice to meet you, Ennis Del Mar. I'm Jack Twist, from Dallas, Texas, the USA. We're visiting Jane, me and my Mom. Jane's my aunt, my Mom's twin sister. My Mom's English too. We'll be here for most of the summer." _

_Such a chatterbox, thought Ennis shaking hands with Jack, like they were grown-ups, and it made him want to smile back at the little cowboy._

"_You're a guest here too, Ennis?"_

_Ennis's little crooked smile waned. The boy was Mrs. Ross's nephew, one of them rich kids, and Ennis had been stupid for wanting to be friendly with him. He was nothing for the likes of Jack, just a poor kid, a nephew of his aunt's stable hand. Still, Jack was expecting an answer and he felt compelled to respond, if only to get even with Jack's friendly opening line and the handshake._

"_No… I mean yes… But not at the party." _

_Ennis knew he was wavering with the answer and was getting frustrated with himself. He took a deep breath and started over. _

"_I'm with Ed Simmons. He's going to show the horses to Mrs. Ross's guests. He's my uncle." _

_It was the most words Ennis had said at one time to a stranger in the last year or so, maybe even counting teaches in the classes. He hoped Jack would be satisfied with that answer for he didn't know if he wanted to offer more, now that Jack knew who he was._

"_Oh…" _

_As Ennis had expected, Jack's smile dropped a notch. And suddenly Ennis felt bad about this, yet another rejection by another kid. Worse still, somehow the rejection by _this_ kid made Ennis wanted to cry and he couldn't figure why. Ennis looked at the ground at his feet and tried to tell himself that Jack was just another rich and snobby, spoilt brat… But, somehow, it felt different. Somehow, Ennis wanted to be friends with this blue-eyed boy. _

… _Who was still standing in front of him, judging by the pair of cowboy boots not even ten feet away, even after Ennis's admission that he was not part of his aunt's high and mighty crowd. But Ennis kept his eyes firmly on the ground, didn't want this foreign kid to see the treacherous moisture that began pooling in his eyes._

"_Why are you so sad, Ennis?" _

_To Ennis's utter embarrassment Jack had noticed the swelling tears anyhow. His voice was laced with concern now and it made Ennis feel strangely warm inside and even more teary. He quickly brushed his fingers over his eyes and raised his head a bit, enough to see Jack stepping up and sitting down on the bench next to him, their shoulders touching. _

_Nobody had ever asked Ennis about how he felt and why like that. Like it was a real important for them to know. Not since his Mum had died almost a year ago. But then she was his Mum, she was supposed to, wasn't she? This boy wasn't. And all of a sudden Ennis wanted to tell him. About everything, if he was willing to hear what Ennis had to tell. _

_As if he could read Ennis's mind, Jack shoved him lightly with his shoulder and said in a low, conspiratory voice:_

"_You can tell me, Ennis. I won't tell anybody. I can keep secrets, honest. Trust me!"_

_And so Ennis did. From that very first day - no, from the very first hour of knowing Jack Twist. _

_Over the following two months they spent together, almost every day, Ennis told Jack about his parents and his eldest brother KE who died in a car accident, about his uncle Edgar Simmons, his Mum's younger brother, who had always lived in Bass, his and Ennis's Mum's home village, and who had taken him and Alma in; about Mrs. Ross, who had been kind enough to the three of them and paid Alma to do some little chores around Bass Manor, let Ennis come there to help Uncle Ed too; about the kids at the school and all. About how he missed his Mum and KE sometimes, something fierce. And also about his wish to visit Texas, some day, to see real life rodeo cowboys. And of course to see Jack performing in a rodeo. Because that's what Jack said he wanted to do when he grew up and ran away from home. Ennis just hoped that Jack would not forget to let him know where and when. _

_Jack was totally thrilled with Ennis's idea. All the blue-eyed boy talked about the whole summer was rodeos, cowboys and horses and how he would become a rodeo cowboy, even if his Dad got real pissed whenever he mentioned that. Jack would drag Ennis to the stables early in the morning, both of them helping Uncle Ed and two other stable hands with chores, then would insist on Ed taking a couple of horses out and teach them how to ride and handle them. Which was obviously just fine by Jack's Mum Mariel and his aunt Jane. They just left him be most of the time, in the company of Ennis, Ed and other staff of the estate, doing largely whatever he wanted. And all nine year old Jack wanted was be around horses and riding them. So that's what they did most of the summer._

_By the time Jack had to go back to Texas, both of them were pretty good horsemen. And inseparable. If Ennis had thought before that Bill and Pete were his best friends, well, he hadn't known any better, the way he thought about Jack now. Ennis dreaded how it was going to be without Jack around, with no one to talk with, like he'd never done before Jack. The last few days of Jack's stay at Bass Manor he clammed up again and just followed the American boy around, like a lone stormy cloud around the sun. Jack seemed to get the drift of Ennis's mood, tried real hard to amuse his friend, to comfort him._

_On the last but one day of Jack's departure, after the usual late afternoon ride, he took off the black cowboy hat that he had been wearing all the time around horses and put it on Ennis head._

"_Here, you keep it, Ennis. It's a lucky charm hat. It'll bring you luck. Honest! It has worked fer me: I've met you and I know now I can do this, I mean rodeo. Dad said I couldn't, but I know now I can. Jus' need a li'l more trainin' is all. And you can do it too, Ennis. You're so good with horses! Hey, I say, wouldn't you wanna come rodeo with me in Texas, Ennis? That would be totally awesome! Tell you what, next summer I will ask Jane to let us try show jumpin'. Bet you'll be pretty good with it too. C'mon Ennis, it's true! You ride much better'n me and you know it. I know it fer sure. I am so proud of you, Ennis!"_

_Jack smiled so bright at him that it made Ennis wanted to cry. He was going to miss this sunny boy so much, he already knew it. But what could he do? He was nothing but just a kid himself, even if Jack treated him like he was somebody. An authority or something. So, the best Ennis could do was to try not to fail Jack's trust, to be the best he could in whatever Jack thought Ennis was good at. _

_And wait for the next summer. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 2**

**8:00 a.m., Saturday, September 18****th****, 2004**

It was still early in the morning and Ennis was having his first coffee, reading news on his laptop in the kitchenette of his one bedroom flat just off Kennington Park Road, when the phone rang. Since he had resigned from his job as a staff journalist and photographer with BBC World a month ago and started gradually moving out of his London home to Ed's old cottage in Bass the only person who would be calling him this early in the morning was Junior. Who treated him like he was her kid brother, not her uncle.

She had been bothered and concerned about Ennis's decision to quit the job and life in London he'd claimed to love for almost nine years and to move back to the countryside. Even if she upheld that the Lake District was the most beautiful place on Earth. She wanted so much to believe that it was because Ennis had finally decided to do his own journalistic project and not because it was somehow related to Jack. Jack, whom Junior didn't meet all that often or know all that well, but understood that he was the single most important person to Ennis. Sometimes she thought that Jack was even more important to Ennis than Uncle Ed and herself put together, but that was alright by her and she secretly adored Ennis's mysterious friend.

She suspected that something had gone terribly wrong between the two of them but couldn't understand why Ennis had stubbornly been refusing to talk about Jack altogether for the last year or so. So, she had taken to calling him almost weekly, to ask his advice about her horse trial training, him being her first trainer she said, to tell him all about her horse Mystery Fell, her college, her new boyfriend Kurt; about Ed and his young wife Claire and their baby Tommy; about Alma and about just everything and anything she could think of. Just to call Ennis.

He knew she was checking up on him, but didn't mind it; was glad to be distracted from … something he tried to push out, or in, or whatever… just away from his active memory.

"Hey, Junior? You are early today, sweetie. What's up?"

"Morning, Ennis! I'm calling to ask what time you're leaving. The weather here is beautiful today and Kurt 'n I are thinking to do a bike ride around the lake. We should be back by the time you get here and we'll come for dinner at Ed's, alright? Mother will be there too."

Like a mother hen worrying about her only chick, thought Ennis. He chuckled fondly.

"Alright, Mum, I'll be there, don't fear. I'm leaving in an hour or so. So, should be with you by five-ish maybe? Well, that is if I don't get stuck in traffic on my way out of the City… How's Alma, by the way? Haven't heard from her for ages. Is she staying for her holidays or just dropping by for a day or two?"

Alma, who'd married a widowed anthropology professor a few years ago, lived in Cambridge and had been visiting Junior and Ed every year since she had finally settled down. It was her way of making it up for Junior, the best way she knew, for abandoning her little girl at the tender age of one to the care of her uncle and brother who was just thirteen years old back then. When Alma had returned ten year later to take Junior with her to Cambridge, where she had been working in a school library and acting in the local amateur theatre, the girl had refused to follow her mother and stayed put in Bass with Ed. By that time Ennis was at the University of Cumbria in Carlisle, doing his undergrad in journalism and photography.

"She's just visiting… She wanted to see how you're settling in at home." Junior's answer was uncharacteristically short and slightly hesitant.

"You haven't actually asked her to come up for this occasion, have you, young lady?" He asked suspiciously.

"Well, she said she planned to come down this summer anyway. It's almost the end of September, for God's sake. Might as well come before it gets too cold and wet. So, I just mentioned to her that you were moving in this weekend… That's all…"

Ennis could visualize Junior: blushing and biting her lips, trying to sound casual. For all he knew, she might have harassed her mother into coming up for the family reunion dinner tonight. It was amusing that being the daughter of an aspiring actress, even a third rate one, Junior was the worst pretender Ennis had ever met. Second only to Ed, he thought with a smile.

"Alright, Junior, don't worry. I'm glad she'll be there. As I said, I haven't seen her in ages. Thanks for the welcome, sweetie. I really appreciate it."

He paused for a second then, unexpectedly, even for himself, said quietly: "Junior, while we are at it, could you please tell Alma, Ed and Claire too that I don't want to talk about him just yet… About Jack."

The last words were barely above a whisper.

The silence that followed was pregnant with tension and emotions – pain and the sense of defeat on Ennis's side, disappointment and also fierce, almost palpable sympathy on Junior's side of the line.

Finally, Junior sighed and said with resignation "Okay, Ennis, I'll tell them… I just thought that maybe talking about it would…"

Ennis didn't let her finish. "No, it won't. Just let it be, okay, sweetie? I promise to tell you when am ready. Just bear with me - for now."

Truth was he was not sure at all how long this 'now' would last and when he would be ready to talk about it - about Jack - again with others. If ever. But he knew he owed it to himself to try. There was no point in burying yourself over someone who didn't give a damn about your feelings when you were only thirty two and life was full of promises and hopes and dreams to be fulfilled.

Even if that someone was the one who had given you those dreams in the first place, such a long time ago.

O

O O

_**Waiting For The Summer: Winter and Spring, 1983-84**_

_The first postcard from Jack arrived in December, a few days before Christmas. Jack wished Ennis a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in what looked like a painstakingly crafted handwriting and also said that he and his Mom were planning to visit Jane again in July. The card was signed 'Your True Friend Jack Twist'. _

_Ennis read and re-read the postcard so many times during the course of the following weeks that it quickly got all stained and tattered at the edges, to his utter dismay. But he couldn't help it – he had to see it at least ten times a day. And every time Jack's sign-off made his stomach twirl with excitement. Jack Twist, his friend. His only true friend as far as Ennis was concerned. He couldn't remember when the last time that he'd had such a good time and felt so contented before the last summer. He had been replaying in his head everything Jack had told him, about himself and his dreams, started measuring all the kids he knew against Jack and found that nobody would tally. Even Troy, a rich and snobby sixteen year old from Keswik, tall, redheaded and very good looking, whom Uncle Ed had been training for the local horse trial competition. Damn, Jack with his frigging blue eyes and huge dark lashes would have given competition to the prettiest girls at Ennis's schools, both old and new, well, had he been a pupil there. Not that Ennis gave a crap about Jack's eyes: the little bugger could have been completely blind for all he cared and Ennis would still be proud to be friends with him. He wanted Jack to be proud to be friends with him, too. Which was a difficult proposition, since Ennis didn't have anything, nor could do nothing special that one could be proud of. Although Jack had said that he was good with horses, better than Jack himself even. So horses it'd be then._

_After that summer Ennis started spending almost all his free time at the stables, watching Uncle Ed and the other trainer working with horses and visitors and sometimes with Mrs. Ross too, whenever she spent a weekend or more at the estate. She lived in Carlisle mostly but came down to stay at Bass Manor every now and then, to ride her horses and practice for all sorts of competitions. She had probably noticed Ennis hanging around the training grounds and stables many times. So, one day, while taking out her favorite mount - a very tall, night black stallion with white apron on his powerful chest and white socks - for a ride, she stopped and asked if Ennis wanted to join her and he said yes without a slightest hesitation. _

_Mrs. Sinclair Ross, or Jane as she instructed Ennis to call her after their first ride together, was a bit of an oddity as far as the rich landed gentry folks go: still young, only twenty eight or twenty nine but already once widowed and once divorced, with no children, she lived alone in her two homes, one in Carlisle and the other in Bass Manor, took care of Bass Manor's estate with a large stable and horse training grounds that she and her twin sister had inherited from their mother, trained horses and herself and participated in horse trials around the country. She asked everybody to call her Jane. She also liked to talk with everybody, be it her fancy and snobby lady guests, or Uncle Ed and other stable hands. And she made friends with anyone she liked, too, even with someone like Ennis._

_Anyway, it turned out that Ennis had quite a way with horses, as Jane noted with surprise after the first ride, so she invited him to ride with her again the next day. After that second ride she instructed Ed and others at the stables to train Ennis, too, whenever they and Ennis had time. _

_So, by the time Jack was due for his summer holiday at Bass, Ennis was fully prepared to demonstrate his skills to his little friend from Texas. _  
_  
__To his surprise, Jack's talk that summer was not about rodeo and horses any more. Instead, it was photography._


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3**

_**Another Summer, Another Dream: Summer of 1984**_

_On the day of Jack's arrival Ennis was so nervous with anticipation he could barely be still for a couple of minutes at a time. He got into a shouting match with Alma first thing in the morning over the dinner arrangements. She wanted Ennis to be home from the stables around five in the afternoon, so that she could feed him and go to the movies with her friends. That was not exactly Ennis's plan. As a matter of fact, he didn't know what his plan was in the first place, since he didn't know when Jack was going to show, _**if**_ he was going to show at all that day, and __**where**__. Not that Ennis could just turn up at the mansion and ask for Jack. Even if Mrs. Ross – Jane – said that he could come up any time he wanted, even just for a chat with her. He'd never done that, though. So, his best bet was the stables and that's where Ennis intended to spend the whole day, if needs be, waiting for Jack. _

_He'd had a restless night, trying to rehearse his meeting with Jack: should he act cool and just say 'hey, Jack' or should he shake hands like Jack had with him last summer? Should he take the lead in asking Jack about … stuff and all, seeing as he was two years older, or should he let Jack be his usual self and talk the blue streak about… whatever his wanted? Jack was a smooth talker and everything he talked about last summer had been exciting by Ennis. Ennis didn't have anything of much interest to tell anyways and sometimes he wondered why Jack found a simple account of his mostly uneventful life in Bass worth hearing about. _

_But most of all Ennis wanted to show Jack his achievements in dressage and even some show jumping. He wanted to show his American friend that he'd taken Jack's words seriously. So that he could say again that he was proud of Ennis. Proud to be friends with him. Of course he was not going to mention all that to Jack. That was not cool. But secretly he hoped that Jack would anyway._

_By three o'clock in the afternoon Ennis was a bunch of brittle nerves. He had done all chores at the stable he could think of and then some with the two horses he had been charged with - Jane's favorite, Black Mountain, and 'his' horse, a gentle bay mare called Autumn Breeze, or just Autumn, that Uncle Ed had selected for him for horse training. He'd gnawed down his lunch at the tearoom in the service building in record seven minutes, then dashed to the stables again, ignoring the teasing remarks dished out in buckets by Clive, the newest, youngest and most annoying of the stable hands at the estate. So, now he was just milling around, trying to occupy himself and his mind with anything but the wearisome process of waiting._

_By five Jack still hadn't showed and Ennis was beginning to feel a little desperate and hating himself for it. Then it suddenly dawned on him that seeing Ennis might not actually be on top of Jack's list. Maybe Mrs. Twist and Jane had other plans for Jack today. Maybe they were out in Carlisle and wouldn't come down here till the next day… or maybe not till Monday... Maybe Jack had even forgotten all about Ennis. It'd been six months since he'd sent Ennis the postcard anyways and six month was a long time. Well, maybe for the rich folks it was. It had been a long time for Ennis, too, but for a totally different reason... If that was how it was for Jack, it would totally suck, as Jack would have said, but what could he do? _

_He felt a tingling starting to build up somewhere behind his eyelids and groaned in frustration. He hadn't cried for quite some time now. Come to think of it, it had actually been since last summer. And he didn't want to start doing it again now. And definitely not over some fickle American brat, thank you very much... _

"_Ehnnisss! You here?" _

_Ennis dropped the brush he had been fiddling with at the back of the tack room and it landed on the ground with a thud, followed closely by his heart. He had to swallow hard to find his voice again. _

"_In here, Jack!"_

_He dashed out of the door and there he was, Jack friggin' Twist, standing in the doorways of the stable, awashed in the soft afternoon sun, wearing his usual denims and a huge smile that Ennis could never resist to return, looking all flushed, ruffled haired and… all sparkling. _

"_Hey, Jack…" He started out tentatively but the next moment found himself all wrapped up by two armfuls of Jack._

"_Ennis! Hey yourself! Whazzup? You been waitin' fer me? We arrived this mornin', but Jane took a detour to Carlisle and we couldn't get here earlier. Hey, I say, you're wearin' my hat, huh? Cool! Got any luck yet?" _

_And so he went on for a few minutes as they walked out and sat down on the bench under the old oak tree behind the stables. Ennis just sat there looking at his young friend, listening to his banter, grinning like a fool. Then he reached out on an impulse and tousled Jack's hair some more, wondering secretly how soft and thick they felt at the same time._

"_You, chatterbox."_

_Jack shoved him playfully on his shoulder, laughing, and just like that Ennis felt at home again._

_Jack's thing with his new hobby came up soon enough after the first round of news exchange about the past year, before Ennis had a chance to show Autumn to him._

"_Hey, Ennis, I got ta show you somethin'. It's totally cool! My uncle Nathan gave it to me." _

_He made a special emphasis on the word 'uncle' and the French sounding name, gave Ennis a conspiratory look, then added "It's a kinda birthday present." _

_Ennis was puzzled, but more by Jack's French relative that whatever it was that he had given Jack as a present. _

"_But your Dad, Mr. Twist, he isn't French, is he?" _

_He frowned a bit. He thought he'd know all about Jack already._

"_Nah, Dad's American. He's with the Air Force, I told you. Uncle Nathan is Mom's and Jane's brother. Lives in Paris, that's why he's got a French name – Nathan St Claire, like in 'St Peter'. His real name's Jonathan. He's a fashion designer. Jane says he's famous…" _

_Then Jack gave him a wary look and added quietly, suddenly sounding unsure. "He's queer."_

"_Really? How d' you know?" Ennis whispered, looked at Jack wide eyed, intrigued. _

_It wasn't something you hear often, least of all about someone close to your friends. Your best friend._

"_I heard my Dad sayin' that. Well, actually he said 'fag', but my Mom said that it's not nice to call people _that _and I mustn't. Nathan was nice enough though, laughed a lot and real… fancy. So, he gave me this camera. For my past birthday, he said. It's called a Leica M2. It's not new, but he said it's specially made for professional photographers. Come Ennis, let's come up to my room, I'll show you. It's real cool. I've already taken some pictures with it. C'mon!"_

_He jumped up and pulled on Ennis's sleeve, heading full steam towards the mansion._

_They spent the rest of the afternoon in Jack's room, playing with Jack's special camera, sorting through a heap of pictures Jack had taken, mostly of people. He insisted to take some pictures of Ennis too, pushed him to stand by the large window with heavy drapery, then sit Ennis down across the armchair, with his legs poking in the air, then told him to lay down on the floor. Then he showed Ennis how to take pictures too and let him practice for a while, posing for Ennis to take pictures of himself. Ennis thought it was more fun that way, because Jack was so… well, more suitable for picture taking purposes than himself… _

_And he thought he'd never had such fun before, even riding horses. _

_Then they just lay across Jack's bed talking, mostly Jack, as usual. He told Ennis about how he'd met his uncle Nathan, for the first time, past February, in New York where his Mom had gone to see his clothes collection, real colorful, at the Fashion Week and taken Jack with her. The next day they went to a photo exhibition at the Met by some famous photographer called Richard Avedon, where they displayed a few photos of Nathan too. The pictures were awesome – big, poster-like, mostly black and white. Then, when they were leaving back home, Nathan gave Jack's Mom a photo album autographed by that guy Avedon, with more pictures of him and some other celebrities. And some pictures of Nathan in the album were kinda weird, like him naked or with make-up and some weird clothes. Otherwise, they were surely pretty looking pictures, Jack said. _

_But then at home Jack's Mom and Dad got into a fight over Nathan and the album. Jack's Dad yelled at his Mom that he didn't want Nathan or anything distantly related to the kinds a him around their house. Or Jack. Especially around Jack. That's when he called Nathan 'fag'. Jack's Mom got real upset and said _**she**_ was related to him and very closely, took her car and was gone. For two frickin' days. When she got back, they didn't talk for almost three weeks. Didn't talk much to Jack either. Jack didn't know what to do, so, whenever he was not at school, just kept to himself in his room; or down the kitchen with their cook Mariah. Jack also hid Nathan's gift from his Dad, taking it out to play only when the old man was away at his Shepard Air Force Base. Which was pretty often anyways, like most of the time, really._

_Jack voice broke a little when he was telling Ennis about his parents, but the boy tried to put up a brave face and it made Ennis felt like his stomach was all twisted in knots and he got all flustered and mad. At Jack's Dad mostly. He wanted to comfort his friend, but didn't know how. So, he just put his hand on Jack's shoulder and squeezed it a little. It seemed to work, because Jack fell asleep soon after. And Ennis followed suit, not even a minute behind him._

_Ennis showed Jack his horsemanship the next day and many more days that summer, rode with him around the estate, then around the lake and train Jack a bit too, together with Uncle Ed. And Jane and Jack's Mum Mariel, who looked exactly like Jane but with longer hair that she wore loose, came often to watch them training and to cheer on. _

_Jack carried the camera with him most of the time, said he wanted to become a professional photographer and travel the world. So, he and Ennis took turns taking pictures. Of themselves, each posing for the other or just fooling around, of Jane and Uncle Ed and Jack's Mum, of other people around and horses, of snow-peaked fells in the distance, forests and the valley. And also of the Lake which shores they trailed often that summer, its water sometimes clear and icy blue, sometimes of the deepest blue and… warm. Like Jack's eyes._

_And when Jack flew back to Texas with his Mum at the end of August he left his fancy camera for Ennis, in a black and gold lady's shoe box, a post card of Bassenthwaite Lake stuck on top of it with a rubber band. The card said "Hey, Ennis, please keep it for me and take more pictures. You are so much better with it than me anyways. Maybe you will become a famous photographer one day and take great pictures like that guy Richard. Your Best Friend Jack Twist."_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: ****Leica M2**: a Leica camera specially made suitable for photojournalists. For those who are not into cameras, for example like myself, Leicas are expensive and pretty prestigeous cameras. Giving an out of production Leica as a gift to a ten year old child is rather ostentacious. Only a flamboyant character like an _haute couture_ fashion designer would probably do such a thing. Thanks a mil to my tech advisor _cumulusnimbus _for helping me with this and other similarly technical things!

**Richard Avedon**: a famous American photographer (read more on Wikipedia)


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**10:00 a.m., Saturday, September 18****th****, 2004**

By 10:00 a.m. Ennis was ready to load his last suitcase, his ample travel bag and the last two boxes with stuff in the boot of his midnight blue Toyota and start moving North West.

Almost ready.

The thing that kept him wavering was _that_ _stuff_, packed in one of the boxes, the smaller one. He was torn between taking it with him into the new life he was starting and dumping it there and then. He had promised himself a new start as a kind of a late mid-year resolution. Okay, might as well say it: after having held his breath for two summers in a row, waiting to hear from Jack. Waiting for _their summer_, wherever it could be. He would have let Jack choose where the little bugger wanted to go. He would have even agreed to a private beach on Bahamas, in a heartbeat, if that's what Jack needed. He could live with that. They had never missed a summer together since Jack's return to Bass Manor in '95, after disappearing for four years without a word.

But by mid-August it had started gradually sinking in with him that Jack was not going to call. Yet again. Which probably meant 'ever', since Ennis's emails had been bouncing back with a message of error, both of Jack's phone numbers were disconnected and his house in Las Vegas was apparently sold. He'd simply vanished. That's all Ennis had been able to find out.

He didn't dare asking either his journalist friends or anyone else on the other side of the Atlantic for help, since it had always been a silent understanding between them that their relationship stayed out of the American soil. Where Jack was Cap. Twist, an USAF fighter pilot, ex-Thunderbird 5, an off-spring of the Dallas Twists, a notable family with a long history of oil money, politics and prominent army figures. Anywhere else in the world, he was Ennis's Jack, his cowboy.

The only person who could have help Ennis to locate Jack was Jane.

After all the years of being a divorcee, as long as Ennis had known her, she'd gotten married again a few years ago to an Italian winemaker from Siena and moved to Italy. She used to keep in touch quite often and had been good with answering Ennis's emails, but somehow Jane had also disappeared about a year ago and had neither been responding to his emails nor returning his phone calls.

For once Ennis was totally lost.

Finally, by the end of the second summer of nothing, he had come up with that resolution: he would make a new start. Without Jack.

He had tried, in earnest, like everything Ennis did. It hadn't quite worked though, not really. In fact they had been a complete disaster, his two attempts at a new relationship. Both of them. One of the dates had lasted for around three weeks of dinner and drinks dates at cozy little restaurants and jazz bars downtown, followed by sex and cuddling, till the guy, a soft spoken, middle-aged financial advisor, asked, profusely apologizing, who Jack was. The other one hadn't even lasted long enough to see the next day. The kid – dark hair, grey-green eyes and an athletic body – had just got up after the very first round, said his name was Jamie, not Jack, put his tight as skin jeans and jumper on, told Ennis to go and make up with his Jack, no hurt feelings. Ennis had been shamefaced, couldn't agree more in his heart. If only he'd known where the man was.

And so he started to have those doubts again. And dreams. Nightmares. About Jack.

_Bollocks, Ennis! You stupid bugger, when have you ever stopped dreaming about that little shithead, huh? Don't even try to kid yourself. It's laughable!_

He squatted down besides _the box_, opened it carefully, like it was made of thin glass, stared at its content for a long while.

A black children cowboy hat on top, old and faded.

A leather flying helmet with goggles, the type they had worn back in 30s or so.

Jack's denim shirt from their last, tumuluous encounter in Chiang Mai. It felt like it'd been twenty years ago, not just twenty months. Ennis had washed and ironed and kept it on a hanger in between his shirts. Till yesterday.

Leica M2, serial number 1091863, production year 1964, his favourite and most used camera for the last, _what, eighteen years_? Till today.

A pack of Jack's postcards and five one-page letters, bundled together with a rubber band. It had always remained a complete mystery to Ennis how such a blabbermouth like Jack could dispense written opuses that would actually fit into just two or three lines. When internet and mobile phones had come along, his emails and messages were further trimmed down to the barebones of consonants and abbreviations. What Jack had been lacking in his written communications, he compensated thousandfold in person, during their summers, occasional short holidays and long weekends during the year. Whenever and how long ever both of them could make it.

Two thick notebooks - the diaries he had written, for Jack mostly, during the three years that Jack and his Mom had not come to Bass for their usual summer holidays, the last of them was when Ennis had figured, on practice, that he was gay.

Then there was an old children's book, its protective cover tattered and stained. "The Little Prince" by Saint-Exupery, a French pilot. The last present given to Jack by his Mom, a few months before she had left Jack's father. And sixteen year old Jack too, _her little prince_. That's what the inscription on the first page said. Jack had left the little book with him, together with the flying helmet, the summer he had returned to Ennis after the four years of silence. And then told Ennis that he had joined the USAF after all. To fly with the Thunderbirds.

Finally, there was that other _stuff_ that he had never shown anyone, not even Jack. Maybe least of all Jack. Maybe that was the very last bit of himself that he held back, tried not to give it away to Jack after all.

It took Ennis a concerted effort not to touch _the stuff,_ go through it_, _like he would usually do whenever his eyes would fall on it. Which meant often. More often than he really should, considering that it was getting him nowhere and not adding to his sanity either. Instead, he picked up the old flying helmet with the goggles strapped to it.

_**O**_

_**O O**_

_**1984 - 1986**_

_Sometimes Ennis wondered how it'd happened, that being the only son of an ex-fighter pilot, decorated war vet and career Air Force cadre, Jack had discovered aeroplanes and flying so late in his childhood. And only after a quick succession of aspirations to become a rodeo cowboy, a photographer, a private investigator and God knows what else there had been before he'd met Ennis. Then one summer, when he was twelve, Jack arrived to Bass starry-eyed and breathless about flying. _

_Turned out that last September Jack had been invited by his classmate Tyler Kennedy to come with him and his father to the air races in Nevada. Tyler's Dad had flown the two of them and a friend of his own to Reno on his Cherokee and for three days the four of them had done nothing but watched hundreds of all sorts of airplanes, old, new, homemade, with all sorts of colorings, doing just that - racing and aerobatics. And then they would hang out with the pilots and owners of the airplanes at fancy restaurants in town. It was like … like in a movie or somethin', Jack was almost delirious with excitement. And that's what he wanted to become – a pilot, flying all airplanes there was to fly. All of them!_

_That was the last of Jack's childhood dreams. Maybe the last of his dreams ever, for all Ennis knew. And it had then quickly become an obsession, one that later cost Ennis his heart._

_That summer, to Ennis's secret disappointment, once too often Jack would zip away in his aunt's chauffeured limo to take flying lessons at the small flight school on the premises of Carlisle Airport. He would spend days on end there, coming out to the stables to hang out with Ennis much less than Ennis wished he had had. _

_Not that Ennis had lots of free time like he used to either. Alma, who had married a drifter as soon as she hit seventeen, left with him and simply vanished. Then, just before that summer, she had returned, divorced and with Junior, and disappeared again a couple of weeks later, leaving behind her one year old girl and a note saying 'I'm so very sorry dear Ed and Ennis but I am determined to become an actress I know I can and I will so please please please take care of Junior for me love you all so much Alma'. Since then all the free time Ennis had to himself, after his homework, house chores and stables, was almost none. _

_His only solace were weekends when Jack would invite him to come along. They would sit outside the hangars on the grass, watching airplanes coming and going, or hang around the private pilot crowd in the cozy tearoom inside the flight school, or mill around at the Solway Aviation Museum on the airport grounds. Jack wanted to know all there was to know about airplanes. Couldn't have enough of them._

_That Jack was born to fly Ennis understood quickly, having overheard a few incredulous remarks made by Jack's instructor to other instructors at the flight school. Jack's almost photographic memory surely helped him quite a bit in his quest. But that piece of knowledge about his friend Ennis had discovered a little later. Back then, he only knew that by the end of the summer Jack could fly a frigging aeroplane all by himself, had he been legal. When his instructors let him, the little smartarse even did some pretty wild stuff in mid-air that would make Ennis's stomach flip just by watching it from the ground._

_By the following summer Jack had had over a hundred flying hours under his belt, was mastering aerobatics and flown at least a dozen of different types of airplanes. His favourite appeared to be the old World War Two stock. The only thing that was the cause of Jack's infinite frustration and incessant moaning was his age: his fifteenth birthday couldn't come fast enough. When Jack would finally be able to get his private pilot license and fly solo. _

_By the time Jack finally did, Ennis had been showing Bass Manor estate's horses together with Jane at major Cumbrian equestrian events and competitions for almost two years. He was also quite popular in Carlisle and surrounding area as an event photographer with an artistic touch to his work and selling some of his handiwork to a couple of local life style magazines too. His work at Bass Manor's stables had paid enough for him to buy another camera, a professional Pentax 6x7, a couple of lenses and sufficient amount of film and chemicals for Ennis to experiment to his heart's content. The results of his trials had turned out good enough not only to help Uncle Ed to raise growing Junior, but also to buy Ennis an old Velocette MAC to move around and enough savings to open up prospects for a professional degree. He had no doubt that it would be something related to photography and travel, right from the summer Jack's Leica had found home with him._

**O**

**O O**

**10:10a.m., Saturday, September 18****th****, 2004**

Ennis brushed his fingertips absentmindedly over the hard, slightly cracking leather surface on top of the helmet, then brought it up to his face, pressed the side of it to his nose and mouth and inhaled deeply.

_C'mon, Ennis, don't be such a fool. It doesn't smell like _him_ anymore, after all these years. What, twelve years?... _

Just over, since the summer they had become more than best friends…

* * *

A/N:

**The Thunderbidrs **are the air demonstration squadron of the U.S. Air Force (USAF). Thunderbird No. 5 always flies inverted in mirror formations during demos. In fact the number '5' is painted upside down on the aircraft so that it looks 'straight' in the routine.

The **Reno Air Races**, also known as the **National Championship Air Races**, take place each September at the Reno Stead Airport a few miles north of Reno, Nevada. Air racing is billed as 'the world's fastest motor sport' and Reno is one of the few remaining venues. (see more on Wikipedia).


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 5**

_**Coming Of Age: Summer of 1991 **_

_Ennis hadn't a slightest idea that Jack would be coming to Bassethwaite again that summer and was totally unprepared to see his friend again, after almost four years of just occasional postcards from him and bits of news about his progress from Jane. What Ennis was even more unprepared for was what had become of his American cowboy, as he continued thinking about Jack. _

**_O_**

**_O O_**

**_1987 - 1991_**

He had been so utterly disappointed when he had gotten a postcard saying that Jack was not coming over that summer, four years ago, that it had taken him almost a month to find his balance and start relating to the life around him again. Somehow the absence of Jack's spirited self that year had triggered something in Ennis, catapulting him head-on into the senior high school's cool crowd and its popular hangouts. His photographic skills had been noticed, thanks not in a small measure to Jane's helping hand, and his popularity with girls, both high school and students at the Uni in Carlisle, had boomed almost overnight. Ennis's economy of words, quiet confidence and reserved exterior only added to the wild attraction the fair part of the Lake District's populace had found in him.

_And Ennis had started dating. Girls. Often and different ones too. It was as if he'd tried to prove something. Something he had not understood himself, but had had a vague feeling that it wasn't quite right. With him. For while girls and very soon sex with them had been alright, probably better than doing it on his own, a strange feeling had never left Ennis altogether, that there was something missing in his exploits. Made him feel hollow somehow. Okay, so maybe he hadn't quite been in love with any of the girls, but that would come, eventually, he was only sixteen for Christ's sake, or so he had told himself. But his unease stemmed mostly from the fact that he had not even felt attracted to any of them, no matter how hard he'd tried to … to act like normal or something? Whatever he thought 'normal' was back then._

_The first summer they were "apart", as Ennis always thought about it, he had started keeping a diary for Jack. He had promised it to his little friend in the letter he sent in response to Jack's postcard. It made him feel as if Jack was visiting with him again and they could talk about anything and everything, like they used to all past summers. He had honestly and painstakingly written about all his pursuits and achievements, tried to explain to Jack how he had felt and even why. But then, when he re-read his writings, somehow they always came across as being apologetic, even to himself. Like he was trying to find excuses for what he'd been doing. And he couldn't figure why. Yet he had persisted, since with Ennis a promise was a promise, whichever way you look at it. He had thought in earnest that he was going to give the diary to his friend when Jack got over to England next time and they would read it together and talk about the stuff in it and laugh about it._

_Until one day, when he was seventeen, Ennis had discovered that he liked being with boys. So much more than with girls that it had scared the crap out of him._

It happened at one of the rich folk's weddings he'd been hired as a photographer. Through the entire event Ennis had been the target of open flirting by a close friend of the groom, a short but impossibly charismatic French lawyer twice Ennis's age who did not make any qualms about his orientation. It was probably intended as a joke for the guest crowd, but to his total embarrassment Ennis had found himself blushing and half hard all the while. The guy had probably known exactly what he was doing. Because by dawn Ennis had finally figured what had been missing in his dates with girls.

_That episode of Ennis's did not make it into 'Jack's diary'. Nor a couple of others, similar experiences around a year later, one of which had lasted for a bit more than a his usual dose of three or four casual dates. It was getting so addictive that Ennis had to make real big effort to continue dating girls. If only for appearances sake. He was not prepared at that time to make his preference public. Didn't know if he would be ready any time soon either for he didn't know anyone else in his surroundings who was up and open about 'it'. _

_He recalled the story Jack had told him once about his uncle Nathan and how Jack's Dad had called him a 'fag', said he wanted the kinds of him nowhere near Jack and how distraught Jack had been about the whole thing. Ennis doubted that Jack would understand or appreciate his own escapades. Worse still, he feared that it might turn Jack away from him altogether. He couldn't bear to think about it. Somehow over the years the little connection he had to Jack had become some sort of a life line for Ennis, the type that would keep a person trying to achieve things he'd never do for his own sake, and he couldn't even start thinking how he would be functioning without it. Without Jack being his friend. Even from afar._

_And that was the state of mind and affairs Ennis was simmering in when one day, in May, a tearful Jane called him to the house and told him that her sister Mariel, Jack's Mom, had just had a fatal accident while overseas and Jane was going to Texas the next day for the funeral. She said that Jack was heartbroken and since she knew that Ennis was his hero, maybe he could write Jack a few words, encourage the poor boy, please? _

_Ennis was shaken to his core. He still remembered the feeling he had wallowed in for a year when his own parents died in an accident and thought he wouldn't wish it to anyone, least of all to his little American friend, one so full of life and laughter. So, he spent the entire evening writing a long letter to Jack, trying his best to console him with words, if he couldn't with his presence. He signed off 'your friend faithfully, always, Ennis' and was not ashamed that the letter ended up being a bit stained with the moisture he hadn't quite been able to keep from leaking out of his eyes._

**O**

**O O**

**June 1991**

It had been two agonizingly slow weeks since Jane had left to the US for Jack's Mom's funeral and Ennis had begun cursing himself for not being smart enough to ask her for Jack's phone number. And why was it that he had never had Jack's phone number anyways? What kind of a friend was he if he couldn't just call Jack when he needed him the most? He couldn't stop thinking about Jack and what the poor sod might be going through right now with no one comforting him. Well, okay, maybe Jane could comfort him some, but it was not the same as someone like… Like what? His best friend? Ennis hoped Jack still thought of him that way. As long as he didn't know about Ennis's deeds, maybe? Ennis loathed it, to have to keep secrets from his best friend, but what could he do? He feared he would feel worse hundred times over should Jack come to know of these secrets of his.

He had just finished brushing down a new horse, Celtic Rose, that he had been training for one of Jane's major equestrian events and was heading to the tack room at the back with his saddle when a tentative male voice called out to him from the stable's doorway.

"Ennis?"

The voice sounded unfamiliar but something about its intonation made Ennis stopped dead in his track, for a moment afraid to turn around. When he finally did, slowly, nervously clutching the saddle to his chest like it was his armor, still holding his breath, Ennis immediately realized that he was not prepared for this. For this Jack. For even if he wasn't completely sure it could possibly be Jack, in his heart he already knew it was him.

"Jack? Is that you?"

The tall boy at the door nodded, smiled weakly at Ennis, but didn't move.

The last Ennis had seen of him Jack was thirteen years old, a livewire kid, who would get all dreamy and breathless whenever he'd talked about aeroplanes and flying. Which was pretty much most of the time. Now, standing in front of Ennis was an athletic looking lad, of Ennis's height, almost a grown-up man. And a very good looking one at that. In fact he was so… fine and also so sad that Ennis had to take his eyes away from the figure in the doorway for a second to regain his bearings.

Ennis put the saddle down careful like, stepped over it, took a few large strides towards Jack and froze again. He was not sure what he should do with this all grown up Jack.

Who was not helping either, just standing there, waiting, watching Ennis with his huge, slightly puffed, sad eyes that made Ennis's insides all warped up. It looked like Jack was surprised too, because his thick dark brows were slightly raised, like in disbelief at what he was seeing. So maybe Jack was not the only one that had changed after all, Ennis figured.

He cleared his throat. "I can't tell you how sorry I am, Jack… About your Mum."

Ennis took one more step, into Jack's personal space, put his right hand tentatively on his friend's shoulder and squeezed it.

Jack nodded again but continued watching him without a word, looking straight into Ennis's eyes as if searching for something. He'd probably found it there, whatever he was looking for, because then the corners of his mouth dropped a little, the blue eyes got fluid as he stepped up and threw his arms around Ennis.

They stood like that for a minute, clinging to each other, both trying to swallow down the tears, of unbearable sadness for Jack's Mum, but also of enormous relief that they were finally in the company of each other again, after the four long years.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 6 – part A**

**Summer of 1991 **

Ennis was fazed. Like in 'completely in deep shit with no clear prospects of getting out any time soon'.

It had only been two weeks since Jack had returned to Bass Manor but somehow during those two weeks, while hanging out with Ennis at the stables and sometimes around the lake afterwards, he had managed to move in and take a permanent residence in Ennis's head. It seemed like everything around Ennis had some sort of association or other to Jack, everything turned Ennis's thoughts toward him.

Like the sky - unusually clear and dizzyingly blue and bottomless for so early in the summer.

Like the horses – so strong and graceful, so …. Just perfect.

Like the smell of freshly cut grass and leather that reminded him of the scent of cologne on flushed skin – so maddeningly invasive and heady...

Ennis didn't know if he should cry or howl or kill someone out of sheer frustration. Primarily with himself. Because he knew it was so, sowrong, totally and absolutely, to be thinking _that_ _way_ about his childhood friend. Who was straight as an arrow and definitely didn't need the queer shit Ennis had been rolling in lately. But he couldn't do a fuck about it, no matter how hard he tried, honest to God he did.

Lately the little bugger had even started sneaking into Ennis's dreams at night, leaving him with an aching boner almost every morning which escalated his rendezvous with his right hand to new, previously unknown levels. He really needed to get laid and the sooner the better. He hadn't had time for it the last few months; or craving either for that matter. Yeah, that's probably it: he simply needed to get laid. But how, for crying out loud, with Jack coming out to spend time with him every day and all? He couldn't really tell him 'Hey, Jack, I'm going into town to get laid tonight, want to tag along? And by the way, I'm going to hook up with a guy.' That would totally freak Jack out and drive him away for sure.

The fact that Jack had been uncharacteristically subdued and quiet most of the time he hung out with Ennis didn't help either. He hardly spoke a few sentences at a time with Ennis and probably even less with others and Ennis didn't know if this was the temporary effect of the heartbreak the poor sod was going through or it was the new Jack he didn't know. The only glimpse of _his _old Jack he had seen so far was the first few minutes of their reunion when Jack had thrown himself into Ennis's arms, free of inhibitions and completely at home. The next minute, he had withdrawn into his shell and Ennis hadn't been able to pull his little cowboy out again.

Worse still, Jack had also been throwing kind of weird, sideway glances at him, looking either confused or preoccupied. Or both. Ennis prayed to all Gods he knew that Jack hadn't noticed the hungry stares that he couldn't help but stealing at Jack once too often. Because if Jack had, Ennis knew he would figure out right away what Ennis was thinking. Jack always had. He was the only person who could read Ennis like an open book. Well, he used to. Not that Ennis had had anything to hide from Jack really. Well, until recently. And now even more so… Shit!

By the third week Jack started getting a little restless, talking about getting out, doing something, going places. Said he would like to take Ennis out flying, out of Carlisle Airport, that he'd checked it out and they did have some interesting old airplanes, he had even brought his flying helmet and goggles with him for that purpose. But then he sighed and said maybe it was not such a good idea just yet, flying in his state of mind. So, Ennis drove him down to the airport a couple of times and they just sat on the grass watching aeroplanes coming and going. Like back in the good old times.

The only difference was that it was Ennis who did the talking most of the times. About anything he could think of, trying to distract his friend from his brooding.

During those few weeks of Jack's near silence he had told Jack about his photographic experiments and achievements at horse trial competitions, about his plans to enroll into the University of Cumbria that autumn, about Junior and Ed and even Alma, about his school and friends, including Jack's own aunt Jane. Well, not about all _friends_, but anyways… It seemed Ennis's quiet account of his life in the Lake District entertained Jack in some small ways, for he listened with genuine interest, asked questions, offered comments and suggestions, even laughed a little. Sometimes Jack would give him a look as if Ennis was some sort of celebrity or something and it would make Ennis blush and loose his train of thought for a while.

By the end of the fourth week Jack said he wanted to go away for a few days. Somewhere. Anywhere. Camping maybe. Yeah, wild camping, that's what he wanted. And no, he had never done it before, so what? They could do it now, he and Ennis, couldn't they? He didn't want anyone around just now, including Jane.

Who was as grief stricken and subdued as her nephew she'd brought back with her from Texas. Ennis didn't understand what was going on between the two of them and why they seemed to be avoiding each other but tried his best to be there for both of them, if and when they needed him.

He had become quite good friends with Jane over the years. She had started out coaching him with horses, then with the intricacies of life and high life, then she had come to relying on his level-headedness and later started confiding in him about things Ennis figured she wouldn't tell others. Things like her first true love at the age of seventeen to a village lad named Edgar with whom she had wanted to elope but he wouldn't agree to do such a thing to her as he'd said, so she'd left to Europe and married two years later, to a media mogul three times her age. But that was such a long time ago and many waters had passed since. Ennis figured she didn't have anyone else she trusted enough and completely unrelated to her high society life to be unreserved with. Maybe only her sister Mariel, with whom she had been very close but who was now gone.

From her side, Jane probably understood that Jack needed Ennis's company more than hers and let the two of them be, in the company of each other, as long as Jack needed. Which meant a bit more than Ennis actually had at his disposal, with all his chores at home, Junior, other responsibilities and projects he'd been working on when Jack had so suddenly turned up again at Bass Manor and in his life.

But he happily put them all on hold, made arrangements with Ed for home and the stables, borrowed a pickup from the estate, loaded an enormous pile of camping gear that Jack had bought in Carlisle solely for their little trip, Ennis's bag with cameras, then already at the wheel, he suggested the Lake District National Park as the destination, Jack said OK and the two of them took off.

They decided on staying at a campsite around Buttermere for the one night or two then hiking to a wild camping site nearby. They pitched the brand new spacious tent Jack had acquired for the occasion and moved in.

By the time they left their pickup at a car park and set out hiking towards the little valley by the lake they'd been told about Ennis started to have serious doubts about wild camping with Jack. For being constantly around Jack as friends, even best friends, was becoming impossible by the hour. He knew it was totally wrong, but was completely helpless about the growing need to touch this boy, to taste his skin that was threatening to overwhelm him any minute his guards were down.

It was hard enough for Ennis to act all brotherly towards Jack during the day, in the broad day light, when he could keep some distance from him on their walks or even when they just sat by the lake, watching the sunset in companionable silence. Sleeping next to Jack at night was a complete torture. The fact that Jack was a restless sleeper didn't help at all. He would toss and turn in his sleeping bag, sighing heavily, sometimes even muttering something in his sleep and every time Ennis thought that his heart would stop beating all together.

Ennis's only saving grace was the beer Jack had brought with them, lots of it. It helped Ennis relax a bit and he made sure he had enough of it in his system to knock him off quickly by the time they would call it a night. The worst, he dreaded, would be the night he would have to spend with Jack in the wilderness, with Jack's presence, his scent, the warmth radiating from his fine body, invading all Ennis's senses and no alcohol to put him out of misery and into oblivion. For how would they carry enough beer with them to drug Ennis at night? But what could he do? He couldn't exactly say 'hey, Jack, I can't sleep with you in the tent because I'm afraid my dick and my mind would explode if I do', could he? That would be the fucking end of their friendship for sure and Ennis refused to even start thinking about such a prospect.

The only option he had was to stand it. Like a man.

So Ennis felt an enormous relief when, after pitching their tent not too far from the lake and finishing their packed dinner, Jack produced a bottle of Glennfidich from his backpack. Son of a gun, he'd never mentioned to Ennis about that one, most probably from Jane's stock.

"Hope you don't mind this instead of beer. Not that we have any right now anyways."

He looked at Ennis with a strange little smirk.

"Nope, Scotch is perfectly fine by me. Just make sure we are good and dry by the time we're driving."

"Right."

Jack broke the cap and took a swig. Then another one as if in a hurry, passed the bottle to Ennis, who took a mouthful, gulped it down and let out a long sigh. He felt like he had been holding his breath since they left the camp in the morning.

With not a soul around and the dusk pulling down fast over the lake the silence that had so far been easy between them was starting to gain weight. Ennis was struggling to find things to say, to take his thoughts off the moment when they would call it a night and it was time to retire into their tent.

"Jack, you've been awfully quiet all this time. I know how you feel, but maybe talking will take your mind off it a bit. What d'you say, cowboy? About anything you want. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Ennis cringed inside: gosh, he was such a sham - _he_ couldn't tell Jack _everything_ and was not sure he was going to even try anytime soon either.

Jack nodded, took another swig from the bottle. He was going to get drunk fast, the way he went about the night cap and it looked like that was his intention too. Ennis took the bottle from Jack's hand brought it to his own lips.

"You never told me if you have a date, Ennis. You must have dated chicks, right? How was it?"

Ennis sputtered out the mouthful of scotch he hadn't swallowed yet and started coughing violently. Jack moved over from where he had been sitting, with his back to a young birch tree, started thumping and rubbing Ennis's back.

"Hey, hey, take it easy, friend. Just asked if you had a date, that's all"

Ennis finally found his breath, sat up straight and turned to Jack, silently thanking God that it was getting dark already.

"I did, Jack. Don't have one now. It was okay."

Jack obviously wanted more information. That Ennis was not prepared to volunteer.

"That's all?" Suddenly Jack lost his patience and his cool. "That's all you have to say? Thought you said I could talk about anything with you, Ennis? What's wrong with talking about this? You've told me just about everything already, even about my own aunt. But nothing about your dates? Why don't you want to tell me about them, huh, Ennis? Must have hordes of them, someone like you…"

The last sentence was a mumble, barely audible under his breath, but Ennis heard it all the same. He was stunned: what was that supposed to mean? And Jack sounded like he was real upset and …

No, not possible! He was probably just tired. Or maybe the poor sod was already drunk.

"Gee, Jack, calm down, will you? Alright, alright, I'll tell you about chicks I dated. Last year I dated with a girl from my school, name's Sarah…"

But Jack was off the handle and didn't want any of it already.

"No, Ennis, that's not the point. The point is you don't _wanna_ tell me about it. I've been wondering why. Anyway, you don't_ have_ to tell me nothin' you don't want to!"

He picked up the bottle from the ground where Ennis had put it, took a mouthful, put it back next to Ennis and stood up.

"Am off to bed now, Ennis. Good night."

And he was gone, leaving Ennis behind completely bewildered and lost. He and Jack had never fought before, their time together had always been so little, they'd never had enough of it to spare for fighting. As the result Ennis was not sure what he was supposed do now.

He didn't want Jack to think he was hiding something from him, his best friend; which of course Ennis was. But still, he didn't want Jack to know about it. _And_ he couldn't possibly tell Jack the truth either. Because _then_ Jack might decide _not_ to be his best friend anymore. And that was not an option for Ennis either. So the only way he thought it might work out was to suck it up and tell Jack what he wanted to hear…

Which meant about _**all**_ the girls Ennis had dated with.

He fidgeted uncomfortably: he hadn't exactly been reserved about girls in the beginning, when he started dating about two years ago. Until he'd figured out what was wrong with them. With him. He was not sure Jack would be approving about his trysts and Jack's approval was important to Ennis. Somehow it had always been. But it looked like he didn't have any other choice now. So, Ennis took another gulp from the bottle, then another one before standing up and slowly heading towards the tent, nervously clutching the re-capped bottle in his hand.

It was dark in the tent but Ennis could still see the silhouette of his friend on the ground, already in his sleeping bag.

"Jack…"

"Hhmmm…" He sounded like he was talking into his pillow.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I will tell you…"

Jack turned around to face him.

"No, _I am_ sorry, Ennis. I was a brat. Guess I am drunk." He let out a chuckle. "You can tell me whenever _you_ want. When you are ready."

Then he turned away, wrapping himself into the sleeping bag. "Go to sleep Ennis, it's getting cold. We'll talk about it in the morning."

Ennis put the bottle away in the corner, took off his hiking boots, his jeans and sweater and crawled into his sleeping bag, turning his back to Jack. He was a little drunk too and fading fast. The last thing Ennis remembered was Jack squirming in his sleeping bag and pressing his back into Ennis's. It was getting dark and cold indeed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 6b**

He was dreaming about Jack again.

In his dream, Jack was holding him close to his heart, his whole body pressing into Ennis's back, his mouth ablaze on Ennis's neck, whispering something Ennis couldn't quite get but knew it was so damn hot it made him impossibly hard and breathless. And he needed some pressure on his aching cock too, like right now… or he would die.

"Jack…"

He moaned and suddenly was fully awake, realizing that it had been just another wet dream of his. But not quite.

Because Jack's body was still pressed against his back, his breath hot on Ennis neck and he could feel that Jack was hard too, even through two sets of beddings. Somehow during the night he managed to wriggle half out of his sleeping bag and now was all wrapped around Ennis's back for warmth, his left arm draped over Ennis's midsection.

Afterwards, sometimes he wondered how he could possibly have made a move on Jack when he had always thought – no, he had been totally and completely convinced – that Jack was… not like him. But at that moment, all his brain, still hazy from alcohol and sleep, could think of was that all his absolutely ridiculous and impossible dreams of the past three weeks were somehow, miraculously, coming true. And he was still dying for that pressure too. So, Ennis reached for Jack's hand that was right in front of his stomach, pulled it carefully into his sleeping bag and pressed onto his throbbing erection.

As if by reflex Jack's fingers closed around him and Ennis whimpered.

The pleasure was so intense that he thought he could come right then with just a little more friction. So, his thrust into Jack's hand and… froze.

For Jack was suddenly rigid behind him and stopped breathing. He was now awake too. And was probably going to kill Ennis, like right there and then.

His heart fell, but in a desperate attempt to reach the bliss that was almost in his hands, Ennis squeezed Jack's hand around his cock and made another thrust into it. It was so goddamn good he couldn't hold back another moan. If he's going die now, this was the way, because it felt like he was going to heaven.

Then, the next moment the pressure was gone, the sleeping bag ripped open, and Ennis was on his stomach, Jack's full weight on his back, Jack in a frenzy, dry humping him like he'd gone wild, the bare skin of his legs scorching Ennis's.

But that was not what cut Ennis to the core. It was Jack's moans, petrified and desperate.

"Ennis!.. 'm sorry… I can't! I can't, Ennis! I can't…."

Jack came long and hard with an agonized groan, Ennis's name still laced thought his panting, hot at the back of Ennis's neck. Then, when his shudders subsided, Jack froze for a minute and broke down sobbing, his fingers clutching at Ennis's shoulders like those of a drowning man.

"Oh God, no! Ehnnisss, I'm so sorry! So fucking sorry. I didn't mean it! I just couldn't … Please forgive me. Ennis, please!"

The despair in Jack's voice almost broke Ennis's heart. He pushed Jack gently off his back, turned around and pulled the inconsolable boy into his arms, stroking his thick mane of dark hair, whispering softly in his ear, like he did to soothe troubled horses.

"Sshhhh, Jack, it's alright. You've done nothing wrong, bud. Don't you worry about it. Okay? It _is_ alright, honest. I am… I'm alright with it. Nothing wrong with it, cowboy…"

Jack's sobs gradually subsided, but he didn't move away from Ennis's arms, their bodies still pressed together, legs tangled, on top of their scruffled up sleeping bags. When the night chill got through to them Ennis reached out to find the corner of his, pulled it up covering both of them in.

They probably dozed off at some point, exhausted as much by their almost simultaneous orgasms as by the pent up desire leading to it for weeks. When Ennis awoken again, Jack was not exactly still and relaxed any more. His whole body was like a wound-up wire, strained and almost vibrating in Ennis's arms, face buried in Ennis's chest just below his left shoulder, a hand clutching at the front of Ennis's t-shirt. Ennis could feel a humming coming from somewhere deep his chest, hear little noises Jack was making at the back of his throat as if he was in pain.

He probably was, Ennis suddenly realized. For what his friend was desperately trying to do was not to thrust his hard as a rock erection into Ennis's thigh, the front of his boxer shorts, pressed into Ennis's skin, still damp from the earlier release.

Ennis was there with him in two seconds, impossibly hard and breathless. He made a concerted effort not to flip Jack over and take him right there and then.

Instead Ennis wrapped his arms around him tighter, pull Jack up to lay on top of him, their painfully swollen cocks aligning perfectly. If Jack was feeling only a fraction of what he felt, it was good enough. For now. But he needed to put Jack's mind at peace before Ennis himself was a complete goner.

He turned his head till his lips touched Jack's forehead, his cheek still pressed against Ennis's shoulder, put his hand on the back the boy's neck just below his ear and stroked softly upwards from the hairline, his fingers buried deep in the thick, silky locks.

"Jack, it's okay, bud. You can do whatever you want. Whatever you need, I'm okay with it."

As if he'd been waiting only for this permission, Jack rose up a little on his forearms, quickly shifted upward and crashed on Ennis's mouth, himself open-mouthed and burning, his moans now open and free.

Ennis's mind went blank for a moment.

Of all things he would have dreamt Jack doing to him, _this_ he had expected the least. But he was not about to complain. God almighty, it felt like it was all his body had ever wanted: Jack's weight on top of him, head to toe, the skin of Jack's strong back so smooth under his hands, his mouth full of Jack's tongue, the taste so sweet, that Ennis felt he was going deliriously drunk with all these sensations. It was like… like heaven. And they were not even fucking yet. Not even skin to skin.

Something that could be improved. If Jack was alright with it. Judging by the way he was going at it, Ennis suspected he should not object too much. So, when Jack pulled his mouth back a bit for air, he ventured out.

"Jack…"

He pushed him up a little by the shoulders.

Jack immediately stopped thrusting his hips and lifted himself further up and away from Ennis.

" 'M sorry, Ennis…"

He sounded nervous again, like a newborn colt, frightened by a gust of wind.

Ennis held him back from moving away altogether, already missing the feel of that body against his, quickly said: "No, not that. Just thought maybe we should… we are… like over-dressed? What'd you say?"

Jack hesitated only for a second, said yeah, got up and started pulling off first his t-shirt, then his boxers and sat waiting.

But when Ennis was stripped and stretched out in front of him, he faltered again.

"Ennis?…"

"Yeah?"

"I wanna… Can I… take you in my mouth?" The whisper was barely audible, words breaking apart.

Ennis couldn't see in the semidarkness, but could feel that Jack was blushing painfully. He felt his chest was tightening, throat constricted with all the feelings and things he wanted to say, but was not sure if Jack wanted to hear them.

So, he just raised his right hand to cup Jack's jaw, swallowed hard and whispered back: "Yes, Jack, anything you want. Anything at all, I mean it."

...

_That was all the approval from Ennis that Jack needed, for then and the rest of the month of July. _

_Because in August Jack went back home, to try _not_ to be admitted to the US Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs where his father and his Uncle Ron, a Congressman, had been pushing for him to enroll that autumn. But that was later. _

_For then, on that night by Buttermere Lake, Jack had his first taste of something he realized years later that he couldn't live without, no mater how hard he tried to deny it, to the world and to himself. That night and for the whole month of July he couldn't keep his hands off Ennis for even a minute, the moment they were out of everybody's sight, couldn't get enough of him, whichever way Ennis would let him. _

_Which meant pretty much every each way. Because Ennis was only too happy to take anything Jack had to give. Even things that he'd never let other guys do, not even the French lawyer, his very first one. Certainly not anyone after. _

_They did other things too, besides sex, like they used to when both were just kids. Like riding horses, sometime motorbikes and a few of nights out in Carlisle, checking out local hang out joints. Jack took Ennis flying a couple of times, shortly after their camping trip. The Carlisle Airport flight school's instructors were delighted to see Jack back and even more so when Jack produced an UK pilot license he'd earned in Texas, patting his back approvingly, saying good for you Jack. Jack blushed and mumbled something about always fancying coming back and flying over the Lake District. He stole a quick glance at Ennis who stood in the doorways, waiting, and Ennis knew that _this_ was because of him. He felt he could burst from the thrill of knowing that Jack had been thinking of him when they were apart, wanting to take Ennis flying with him._

_After the camping trip Jack was almost his usual self again, the way Ennis had always known him – full of life and fire, always ready to up and go. _

_When he started talking again, he told Ennis about his parents, their almost incessant fights for the last few years, over Jack and what they wanted him to do, also over Jack's Mom involvement with a humanitarian group working in post war countries, about her finally having had enough and leaving Jack's Dad the year prior, then him finding out her whereabouts a year later and going there to bring her back, him coming home two weeks later only to tell that she had died in an accident, in front of his eyes. Jack's Dad said she had been planning to come back with him, was as heartbroken about her death as Jack was, but somehow Jane was not buying his story. Said she knew her sister and Mariel had never wanted to come back. _

_Jane also was against his Dad's plans to send Jack to the Air Force Academy, saying Mariel had never wanted that either. She wanted Jack to be free to choose what he wanted to do. And all Jack wanted was flying, but not the army, for he didn't want to be 'like a robot' he said, but Ennis could almost hear 'like my father' in his account. _

_Then Jack was silent for a minute before adding quietly, his eyes fixed on the horizon, 'he's never come to see me flying, not once' and Ennis thought he could kill that bastard of a father for all the sadness he heard in Jack's voice._

_They talked about a lot of other, happier, things too, read Ennis's diary about girls, laughed and fooled around. What they didn't talk about was that_ thing_ that was going on between them. They just did it, each knowing full well that he was the object of never-ending lust and desire of the other. But Jack never said a word about it and Ennis was never sure if his best friend and lover was ready to hear what he had to say. What he wanted to say. _

_He never had a chance. _

_Because when Jack flew back home in August, leaving behind his leather helmet, till their next flight over the Lake District he'd said, Ennis never heard from him again, until four years later. _

_Not fucking once. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**10:20 a.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

The cell phone vibrated, then started ringing in the front pocket of Ennis's jeans.

He was on his last round through the two bedroom flat that had been his London home for the last six years before closing it down, leaving the keys at his letting agent and taking off. For good. Ennis jumped, dropped the keys, which landed with a loud clank, his pulse doubling in a second.

_Jesus Christ! What the fuck is wrong with you today, Del Mar? It's just a bloody cell, for Christ's sake. As if you'd never had a phone ringing in your pocket. Shit!_

He flipped the cell open and read the ID. It was his friend and colleague – _ex-colleague, Del Mar! _- Seth Richmond from BBC World New York office. They had been good friends for ages now, since both landed on the corporation's young journalist rotation program in the early years of their lives at BBC, then did a couple of cross continental programs together at various stages. They always tried to catch up and hang out whenever they happened to be in one location or the vicinity, even after Seth had found out about Ennis's preferences.

"Seth, you scared the crap out of me. Thought I was going to have a heart attack. How are you?"

"Hey, Ennis! What, I've caught you in the midst of the action again? Sorry to interrupt, dude!" He laughed, sounding thoroughly amused.

Seth had been teasing him forever, since the day Ennis had stupidly and impulsively answered his call right after an over-eager tumble with Jack five minutes upon his man's arrival from Heathrow. Ennis hadn't heard Jack finishing his shower, until the little shithead was standing in the bedroom door, yelling 'Ennis, are you going to shower _now_ or planning to wear the spunk to dinner tonight instead of the cologne?' And then it was too late to either hang up or cover up the phone.

"Very funny! Nah, was just doing last rounds of the flat before checking out."

"Checking out, huh? Listen, dude, what's going on? I'm arriving in town, coming to the office and learning that you've decided to quit? What's the deal, Ennis? Where you going?"

Seth sounded like he'd just run around the block and up ten floors. He always sounded like that when he heard breaking news about friends. But only when it was about people he cared for. All other times he was cool as a cucumber.

"Well, that's what happens when you jet around the globe with big shots and not giving a damn about what's going on here with us mortals."

Since he moved to international news broadcasting service two years earlier as part of the crew covering geopolitical issues, Seth had been globetrotting frequently.

"C'mon, Ennis, don't give me that crap, dude! You were offered the same deal. Even before me, out of London. You didn't care enough to take it, did you? So why throwing this shit at me now?"

He sounded hurt, but Ennis knew better to buy it. Seth loved that life style, being a part of big shots' entourage, covering global agendas, attending functions, dinners and cocktails with politician, financiers and God know who else. Ennis thought he could live without it, preferred to cover the other end of the story through documentaries, mingle at local bars and eateries with the masses.

"Sorry, you're right, I shouldn't have. Well, I've just decided to do a documentary project of my own. Do some freelance work instead. For the corporation. Maybe for Nat Geo some. A kind of a mid-year resolution, you know. I told you I would one day, no?"

"Yeah, you did, dude. I just never thought that you'd just take off like that. At least not so soon. Thought maybe in ten more years or so? Hey, listen, let's grab a dinner tonight, so you can fill me in about your little project. What d'you say?"

It was a relief that he was expected for dinner at Ed's in Bass, for he was not at all prepared for Seth's friendly inquisition or his manly sympathy. On the other hand, Ennis felt bad about putting a damper on his friend's enthusiasm.

"Sorry, Seth, wish I could. I am leaving straight away. I've got to make the Lake District by dinner. Give me a shout when you are in town next time, I'll come down for a drink. "

"Shit, I should have emailed you earlier. My fault." Seth sounded disappointed. "Still can't believe you just up and quit like that, dude. Damn! You sure it's not related to that mysterious boyfriend of yours, the one you've been hiding from us all these years? Has he finally agreed to settle down and move in with you or something? High time, dude. Maybe you will present him to us finally. Helen will pee in her pants when I tell her."

Seth and his wife Helen knew that Ennis had someone, someone closeted, worried about his love life, especially Helen. So did some other friends, both at work and outside, mostly ladies. But also guys. Like Seth. Ennis had been surprised and relieved to discover that most of his old as well as new friends and acquaintances took the news in good strides when he decided he'd done enough of hiding.

He had come out a few years back, after the summer when he and Jack did their first off road trip together, across Peru on a jeep. That time, shortly after Jack's divorce with Lureen, or Lara Newton as she preferred to be called, Jack had finally agreed to go elsewhere with him, besides private beach resorts on some tiny islands in the Pacific where Jack would fly Ennis from Haiti or Belize in a rented Cherokee or Cessna. Since Peru they had been spending their summers in Ennis's part of the world, driving or riding motorbikes in Africa, South East Asia or Latin America. It had been some sort of a coming out for Jack. At least it had felt that way. And Ennis had thought it was time for him to do the same, hoping that Jack would be with him, really _with him_, sometime soon. He had been a fool to hope for that. Maybe Jack had never been ready after all.

"No, nothing to tell on that front. Maybe I should start thinking of finding a new one…" He trailed off, realizing that it had come out bitter, not joshing like as he had intended.

"Oh… Sorry to hear that." Seth sounded sincere. Ennis knew he was, wished he could help. But there was nothing could be done about it, as far as Ennis knew.

There was a moment of awkward silence, then Seth was suddenly back on the line.

"Hey Ennis, there's another thing I was calling you about. D'you remember last year you wanted to check out if there's anything on Gen. John Twist of the Joint Staff?"

Ennis's heart skipped a beat. Seth couldn't possibly know about it, could he? He's always been very careful not to let slip Jack's name to his friends, especially those on the other side of the Atlantic.

"Yeah. Why? There was nothing on him, wasn't it?"

"No, there wasn't. If you remember, last time I asked my buddy Jim Morrison at Washington Post to help. He covers the army news and Pentagon gossip. He called few days ago, said he's got something on this Gen. Twist that might be of interest to you. Something has just come up a month or so ago. He said he'd rather send the file by post. If you are still interested that is".

Ennis swallowed hard, struggling to find his voice. "Did he tell you what it is about?"

"Well, yeah, he told me briefly. The long and short of it is there was a closed administrative hearing at Sheppard Air Force Base in Texas a few months ago. Like a complete shut off affair. It's related to the investigation of a major accident during the war games in the Gulf in the fall of 2002, few months before the Iraqi war. Jim says there was some major cock-up with the exercise planning and a couple of fighter planes were misled or something. I don't know the details. Anyway, as a result one plane went down. Shot down by the other one or something. Somehow this Maj. Gen. John Twist from Pentagon was personally orchestrating that joint exercise in the Gulf. Together with your RAF and the Saudi's Air Force. As you can imagine the conclusion of the board of inquiry is not available. But what's interesting is that this fellah Twist retired quietly very shortly after the hearing. And he was the Acting Head of J7 Ops Planning of the Joint Staff, mind you. A fighter pilot in the Vietnam War, highly decorated and all. These old hawks, they don't retire quietly at the height of the career just like that. Must be some major faux pas. But that's not all, dude."

He paused for effect then continued.

"Apparently the investigation was stirred up by his own son, also an Air Force pilot. Jim says the young Twist was a flying maverick of some sort, ex-Thunderbird and all. He was discharged too, right after the war games in the Gulf. I won't be surprised at all if he poor bastard was actually in one of the airplanes caught in the incident. And this next one is _really _interesting, Ennis: you'll never in your life guess on what ground he was discharged! Ennis? No? Well, they found out that he was… gay. That's the 'don't ask, don't tell' charade of our glorious armed forces in full play for you, dude." His sigh was heavy with resignation.

Suddenly Ennis found it hard to breath.

...

"_I shot down an airplane, Ennis. Thought it was an Iraqi. They attacked me, two of them. Locked me in. Almost downed the second one when I got visuals. It was an Eagle… They were ours, not hostiles... I screwed up his plans… God, he was pissed. I've only seen him that pissed twice in my life… But that's not why they discharged me. No, Ennis. Try this one: they suddenly realized that I was a fag! … But anyway, none of this really matters…."_

_..._

When he hang up after the call with Seth, Ennis stood in the middle of the living room for a long while, staring through the window but not really seeing, hands clutching convulsively at his hair, rocking back and forth on his heels. Then he turned around, made a couple of large strides towards the last box – _with the stuff – _that was nestling lonely by the wall half way to the door, doubled down over it, hands on the knees, and let out a long, pained groan, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Jack, oh Jack! You silly, silly sod! Why didn't you tell me what you were up to? Why, Jack? Why?"

...

"_You don't understand, Ennis…"_

"_No, you're fucking right, Jack, I don't! So please-please-please fill me in on what's going on here, for Christ's sake!" _

"_I wish I could… I'm so fucking sorry, Ennis, you have no idea. … Please stay out of this… I have to deal with it myself."_

_..._

Ennis could still recall Jack's eyes when he was saying that, almost two years back in Chiang Mai, so sad, so haunted, begging Ennis to trust him, just that one time. And Ennis couldn't .

He dropped on his knees, head still shaking slightly as if by inertia, pressed both palms of his hands on the top of the box and whispered brokenly:

"I'm sorry, Jack… So sorry, little darling…"

...

* * *

A/N:

An Eagle: a McDonnell Douglas F15 Eagle fighter aircraft. The Iraqi armed forces did/does not have F15s, hence Jack knew right away that it could not be hostile fighters when he had visual of the aricraft. A big thank you to _cumulusnimbus_ for explaining this to me!


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**10:45 a.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

No matter how hard Ennis tried to justify it to himself afterwards, truth was that the initial trust he had placed with Jack, unconditional and unreserved, had been somewhat fractured by those four years when the little bastard went missing, right after the summer they'd become lovers.

Okay, so Ennis had forgiven him those fucking miserable years the moment he had Jack back in his life and his arms again. Maybe even the moment Ennis had laid his eyes on him again, that summer of Jack's last return, as Ennis thought about it afterwards. His coming back had forced Ennis to admit to himself that even if trusting his cowboy did not come as easy as it used to be, the way he felt about Jack, yearned for him, for a connection with him, had never really changed and he'd started suspecting that it never would. And that probably was his biggest fucking problem with Jack: Ennis just couldn't stand to be disassociated with him.

Even when the association was in his head only.

O

O O

_**Fractured Dreams: 1991 - 1995**_

_It took Ennis five months of silence and a winter holiday season without Jack's customary greeting card for the reality to finally sink in with him: Jack did not want to have anything to do with Ennis anymore. Probably had figured that he was not queer after all. Truth was for the whole two month they were together Jack had never said anything to indicate his acknowledgement of what they were doing together when alone. It was a blow Ennis was totally unprepared for. Even after Jane's warning a couple of months prior that Jack would only break his heart. _

_Apparently she had been watching Ennis, then the two of them together, no doubt knew her nephew well too, so close with her sister as she had been, so no surprises there that she had quickly put two and two together about them. After Jack's departure, she had taken to inviting Ennis out with her more often than before, be it riding horses or an afternoon tea in a nearby village, or just a walk by the lake. Until Ennis moved to Carlisle and established himself as a first year student at the Uni of Cumbria, Faculty of the Arts, with Journalism and Photography as joint mains._

_So it was not a big surprise for Ennis to find her note left at the dorm one day in November inviting him for a Sunday brunch at her residence in Carlisle. He couldn't sleep for two nights, waiting for Sunday, hoping that maybe Jack had sent him a note through her or maybe she would tell him something about Jack that would explain his friend's silence. Eventually she had, but it was not what Ennis had been hoping for. _

_She started off with asking Ennis about his new student life, about how he coping with studying and helping Ed with Junior at the same time, about this and that and anything in-between. All that while Ennis had been struggling to keep his eyes away from the fireplace mantelpiece where Jane kept a small display of family pictures in fancy frames, Jack's amongst them. _

"_He is adorable, isn't' he?" She suddenly asked when Ennis gave her a blank stare in response to one of her questions, then shrugged, smiling affectionately. "And stubborn as a mule too. Just like my brother Jonathan." _

_Ennis felt a hot flush slamming in his face, tried to counter, knowing full well as he was saying it that his feeble attempt wouldn't fool Jane one tiny bit. _

"_Who you mean?"_

"_Aw, c'mon Ennis, don't give me that! You know exactly who I mean. You are in love with him, aren't you?"_

_The blood drained out from Ennis's face as fast as it'd risen, leaving him with his mouth agape, suddenly short of air. _

_Jane realized that she'd stepped over the line a bit too fast and tried to comfort him, adding quickly:"It's okay, Ennis, there's nothing wrong with it. My brother is gay too, remember? And I love him to bits. You too, my dear. You're a good kid. And a good friend too and it's all that matters." _

_She smiled at him softly, took a sip of tea from her fine blue and gold china cup, then continued, her voice gaining fervor as she was talking. _

"_You are who you are, Ennis, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all, you hear? You just do what you believe in your heart is true."_

_She looked at Ennis who was still grappling to put his head around her words, sighed heavily, then quietly added:"I wish he got it into his beautiful head too, so bright yet so thick sometimes it makes me want to scream at him. It's all the bloody Twists' deed… I wish Mariel had figured that out much earlier, before it was too late, for both of them…" _

_Jane's tone was resentful then turned pained and a little shaky as she was muttering the last words. _

_Ennis was still quiet, not sure what he had to say about all that, so she continued._

"_The one thing I have to tell you though, Ennis: I'm afraid he will only break your heart. For despite the name he carries, he is a Sinclair. And we tend to break the hearts of those who love us. I'm warning you, honest to God. If you want him that bad, be prepared to stand it. The heartbreak."_

_Jane was right. But _that_ he only realized some time later. _

_On the day at her place he learned that Jack had not gone to the Air Force Academy as his father wanted after all. Instead, he had enrolled into School of Aerospace Sciences at the University of North Dakota. It sounded like Jane was slightly more associated with that decision of Jack's than she tried to convey, mostly judging by her off hand commentary that Jack had chosen that university for their flight school with a vast and diverse fleet of aeroplanes. And exactly because it's five states away from Texas, she nodded with a smirk in response to Ennis's surprised question that it's rather far away from Jack's home, was it not. _

_The next time Ennis heard about Jack from Jane was almost a year later, when he had given up on hearing from the son of a bitch and been trying to move on the best he could. That time Jane mentioned that Jack was heavily into aerobatics and air racing and the smarty-pants would probably win the next championship in Reno judging by the way he's going about it. And he was doing more than fine with his aviation management degree, too. _

_By the time Jane told him that Jack had married and with a baby on its way Ennis was in his third year at the Uni of Cumbria and had been seeing Julian, an MBA student from Sweden, for around six months, after a year of occasional one night stands. Ennis had been pretty sure he'd gotten over Jack and moved on successfully. But somehow that night he got pissed drunk like never before and into a fight with Julian over… nothing in particular, as far as he could recall the next day, shamefaced and apologetic. Julian forgave him that time. But did not three weeks later. Because for the whole of those three weeks Ennis had been either half drunk and moping or sleeping over it. So, Ennis returned to his occasional dates with the sincere hope that it would get better with time. He would get better. At dealing with news about Jack. Like a man. Because what he didn't want was for Jane to stop telling him about Jack altogether. He wanted to know, regardless._

_And then one day, when he was at home in Bass, recuperating from the last few months of the graduation exams season, Junior handed him a postcard. It said 'hey Ennis, this one is way overdue. Arriving Bass Jun 4. Hoping to catch up. Let me know if you'll be there. Your friend, Jack.'_

_Ennis didn't hesitate for a single minute and a card went out to Jack's PO address the same day with only two words on it: see you._

_..._

**Summer of 1995**

For the whole three weeks leading to Sunday, June 4th Ennis had lived through a state that somewhat resembled sleepwalking with a high fever thrown in. Sometimes he'd catch himself stopping dead in his track and then having difficulty remembering what he had been doing or saying a minute before. Other times he would sit staring in to the space for a long while, then would come to with a start, all flustered and giddy at the same time. He didn't know what to expect of Jack's visit, whether he should hope for… what exactly he should hope for, or what-the fuck-ever else he should be prepared for. He despised himself for being so unhinged but could do absolutely nothing about it. It was an utter frigging nightmare and he wished to God it would stop already_, big fucking please!_

By 'The Day' Ennis was a total mess – bleary eyed, pale and haggard, completely ruffled. He loathed what he saw in the mirror in the morning and tried to cover up the traces of his anxiety the best he could. He was so tired fighting with himself over how he should behave when they meet that he just wished they were just done and over with. Whichever way it'd go. He couldn't care anymore.

The only thing Ennis was still able to think about was that the most likely place they would meet was the Bass Manor's stables. Somehow they had always been. So, at around lunch time he rode his old faithful Velocette to the estate, dropped it off at the car park and headed there on foot, trying to hold back his pace, hoping that he'd be there alone with the horses for a while to get himself steadied a little.

The stables appeared deserted when he walked in and Ennis headed towards the stall where Celtic Rose, one of the stable's award winning horses, resided.

It was not in its stall, like most of the horses during this time of the year and the day also, as he had expected. He stepped into the stall, closed his eyes and just stood there for a couple of minutes, the familiar smells of horses, hay and freshly cut grass having a calming effect on his bristled nerves. Then he opened his eyes, turned around to walk out and… stopped breathing.

Jack was standing not even ten feet away, eyes huge dark pools of raw tension, a little uncertain smile on his lips. He had to be in one of the nearby stalls and seen Ennis walking in, had sneaked up behind to wait for him to turn around.

He had changed again. Not the half-boy half-man that Ennis remembered from four years ago any more, but a fully bloomed, grown-up man, brawny and poised. And he was so damn… just _so,_ that for a second it felt like Ennis would never going to get his breath back again.

Finally, he let out a shuddering breath, together with what intended to be 'Jesus Christ, you'll give people a heart attack, sneaking up on them like that, Jack fucking Twist', but somehow all that got out past his lips was a strangled 'Jack fucking Twist'.

The next second Ennis realized that his face was splitting into a smile that he wouldn't have been able to hold back even if he'd tried. And just like that, all the hurt and misery of the past four years, all the promises to himself to never let _that_ happen – _let_ _Jack happen_ - to him like _that _again, all of that had flown out of Ennis's head the moment he regained his bearings.

Jack's edgy face lit up immediately in response to Ennis's smile and he threw his familiar wide, toothy grin right back at Ennis. Then Jack took the few steps separating them, grabbed him into a bear hug and breathed out 'Ennis', their bodies fitting together like the last two pieces of the grand puzzle. _Just like always._

What happened next took Ennis completely off guard.

Jack extracted himself from Ennis's arms, threw a quick look at the stable's door, then propelled Ennis backwards into the stall, up against the back wall and crashed on his still smiling lips, his hands cupping Ennis's face in a tender gesture that was in a total contrast to what his tongue was doing - forcefully seeking entrance into Ennis's mouth.

Ennis was stunned, but only for a few seconds. The moment the taste of Jack, the one he had been craving for so many nights, had registered with him, Ennis caught fire and was ablaze. He flipped Jack around, slammed him into the nearest partition and was all over him in a second - tongue, chest, thighs and all.

Jack opened himself up to Ennis's full frontal attack without a slightest hesitation but never let go of his face, only clasped it a little tighter and tilted his own head to give better access to their mouths. Then, when they broke for air, both gasping and shaking, he stroked the side of Ennis's face with one hand, the other one pushing careful like on his shoulder, trying to unglue Ennis from his body bit by bit, whispered:

"Ennis… We need to get ourselves outta here… Somewhere. Like right now."

Ennis was still fazed a little. "Yeah, okay… Where?"

"My room? Jane is still in Carlisle, coming back this evening." He saw Ennis's hesitation and added quickly, "We can go somewhere later. Carlisle. London. Wild camping. Any-fucking-where you want. Please? Need you so goddamn bad I can hardly stand it... Please, Ennis?.."

Jack's desperate plea and the raw need Ennis saw in his eyes, molten with lust and a little crazy, wiped out any doubts he might have had not even a minute ago. They adjusted themselves the best they could and headed towards the mansion, trying hard to act cool and unhurried.

Once in Jack's room they ripped the clothes off one another in five seconds and went at each other with the passion and hunger that had been pent up for a little too long. _Way too long_ was the last thought before Ennis drifted off into a blissful dreamland, spooning behind and holding Jack close to his heart, Jack's filled out, hard body feeling so right in his arms. And in that transient moment between consciousness and sleep Ennis finally figured out why his attempts at relationships with others had never really worked. And probably never would.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**11:05 a.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

It was getting late for his planned departure and he would have to speed to be in Bass by dinner time, but Ennis couldn't make himself get up and go. Not just yet.

He pulled out his iBook again, fired it up, connected to the internet and started surfing the few sites he had not been frequenting for the last few months. Since he had taken that bloody resolution of his. Shuck it!

A couple of official and semi-official websites of the US Air Force with regular updates on military exercises, casualties and losses, technical accidents. A site with forums, discussion boards and chat rooms where Air Force pilots, ground support personnel, family, friends and other interested parties posted news, blogged, exchanged gossips and views on hot topics and sometimes, inadvertently or not, leaked bits of sensitive info. Those half dozen of sites had been his little observatory into Jack's world, especially when his man had been on air shows and military exercises. And those other times too, of which Ennis didn't care much to remember.

O

O O

_**Nightmares: 1995 - 2002 **_

_As a rule Jack had been pretty good at keeping it touch, sending SMSes and emails to keep him posted, right after his shows or training events. But sometimes Ennis needed to know sooner than that. That things were normal and there had been no surprise news from wherever Jack was. It had become Ennis's uncontrollable need after that one time, a couple of years into Jack's AF service, when he had managed to bring his T-38 trainer back after a collision during a formation exercise, the aircraft badly damaged but still in one piece, together with his injured instructor. _

_Ennis hadn't had a slightest idea about that episode until over a week later, when Jack suddenly turned up on the doorsteps of Ennis's London apartment, saying he'd gotten an unscheduled leave. But even then, the little smartarse was rather vague and a little dismissive about the whole thing. _

_Until Ennis caught him chatting about the incident in one of the airmen's internet chat rooms. Turned out the two pilots from the other T-38 had ejected, abandoning their similarly damaged aeroplane. Jack could have too but hadn't, had stayed put with his unconscious co-pilot. Only then the gravity of the event sank in with Ennis. He was so terrified, even in hindsight, that it took Jack all his tenderness and patience, all his skills with his talented hands, his smart mouth and his hard, chiseled body to wear Ennis out of his worries and put him finally at peace. _

_So, Ennis took to browsing those few websites that Jack had told him about. Whenever he knew Jack was flying. Okay, when he wasn't either, if Ennis were to be completely honest. He knew it was not really cool, checking up on Jack like he was a teenager on an out of town trip or something, but he could do nothing about it. He just had to know. _

_And then there was that other time when Ennis had panicked, right after the war games in the Gulf. The last time. _

_It was actually Jack's email that had triggered the bells in the worrywart mind of his. It said 'Am OK. Games are over. Will be out of touch for a while. Don't worry about anything you read. J'. He immediately started surfing those websites several times a day. Sure enough, the news about the accident came up within a couple of days. But only that much: an F15 had gone down during the exercise. There were some comments in the forum and discussion boards, but it looked like nobody knew exactly what had actually happened. _

_Ennis didn't give it much thought in the beginning, since Jack had already been in contact by that time – he was fine and that's all Ennis cared to know. Until almost three weeks later, when his messages kept going unanswered, his emails started bouncing back and then he decided to call Jack. To ask about plans for Christmas holidays, was the argument he'd prepared for the call. But it was not needed, for both Jack's phones – official and private – were disconnected. _

_Jack's phone call in mid November brought Ennis's mind some relief, but only for the first minute. He was calling from a payphone in New York, said he was about to leave to Thailand in a few days on some urgent family business. Oh, and by the way, he was on an emergency leave, but it's OK, nothing to worry about. _

_He did not sound OK though, that much Ennis could tell. In fact, hadn't Ennis known him better, he could have sworn that Jack had been drinking and hard. But the little ass wouldn't tell Ennis anything more than 'can't just yet, sorry bud'. Instead, he asked Ennis to trust him and connect him with Pichit, Ennis's friend and a BBC associate in Bangkok. _

_Ennis had introduced them that summer when he and Jack were on the way back to London from their motorbike trip in the Golden Triangle. The three of them had had a dinner together in Bangkok and it was then that Jack had leant about Pichit's remarkable information networking capabilities. Jack had been impressed, said he would like to ask Pichit for a favour sometime, if Pichit didn't mind. Pichit had said any time. So that time had now come and Jack was asking Ennis for Pichit's contacts._

_Ennis's head span from his lover's guarded account but he couldn't get anything more out of Jack, not even why his phones and email were disabled. Jack just kept saying it's better that way, that he'd get another email account. 'Enscwb' if that'd make Ennis happy. So, Ennis finally gave up, said he'd send Pichit an email asking him to help Jack with whatever he needed, asked the little bugger to message or email him when he could, please?_

_He did only once, upon arrival in Bangkok, through Pichit's email account. _

_The next time Ennis heard about Jack it was through Pichit's email again, two months later. It said towards the end 'Btw, are you in contact with your friend Jack? I saw him in Chiang Mai two weeks ago. I think he is not in a good state. You better try make him go back home'._

_A week later Ennis was in Chiang Mai, Thailand._

**O**

**O O**

**11:15 a.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

Chiang Mai. Everything seemed to stream back to that one place on earth, so unlikely yet frighteningly destine.

In retrospect, it looked like even back then in Chiang Mai, almost two years ago, Ennis had already had the main pieces needed to put two and two together about Jack and the Gulf incident, his father's role, the old times' causes and recent consequences. Yet he'd failed to see it all. He'd been completely blinded by Jack's ghastly state, the circumstances in which Ennis had found him in Chiang Mai, his stubborn refusal to let Ennis in on what's going on and then him not getting back as promised. Ennis hadn't been able to get over and forgive it. Not again.

So now, laden with guilt and anxiety, he frantically searched for news on Gen. John Twist, then on Cap. John 'Jack' Twist, then on the hearing at Sheppard Air Base and some other words like gay, discharge, decommissioned, DADT. Nothing of relevance.

He hadn't expected much from the search anyway - had been doing it with the same results until a few months ago. Almost everyday, for eighteen fucking months. And now there's nothing left for him to do but wait for Jim Morrison's file to arrive.

Or not.

There _was_ another source, probably the most reliable one at that: Jane. Who seemed to have been avoiding Ennis. Now he thought he knew just why.

After a few minutes of hesitation, he flipped his cell open and punched a programmed number.

Ed answered the phone from the fifth ring.

"Hey, Ed. It's Ennis. How you doing?"

"Ennis! How's it going, boy? You are still coming for dinner tonight, aren't you?"

He sounded a little surprised. They kept in touch alright, but were not big on calling each other, unless there was something important to talk about.

"Yes, I am, Ed, for sure. Just might be running a tad late. If I get into traffic around Manchester."

Ennis trailed off not sure how to even start asking Ed what he wanted.

He had never talked to Ed about Jane other than stuff related to the stables and horse shows, never let his uncle even suspect that he had been in the know of his story with Jane for a long time. He cared for both of them, but that was their business, not his. He reckoned Ed would have talked to him about it if he had wanted to. Like Jane had.

Ed sensed his nephew's hesitation. "What is it, Ennis? Anything happened?"

Ennis grabbed at the opening and dived in head on.

"I know you are in touch with Jane. You have to, to report and all, right?" He added quickly, wary that it could have come across presumptuous. "I need to talk to her, Ed. It's awful important to me. And urgent too. I haven't been able to get hold of her lately. She doesn't respond to my emails and calls. I don't know what's going on… Or maybe I know now…"

Since Jane had remarried and moved to Italy, Ed had been put in charge of the Bass Manor estate's revamped operation. With the exception of the south-east corner that Jane retained for herself, the mansion had been converted into a boutique hotel offering horse trail rides around the Lake area and also livery and horse training. Ed had moved to the estate's grounds a couple of years back when he had finally got married himself, taken up the auxiliary cottage at the back of the mansion, leaving their old home to eighteen year old Junior and Ennis, for when he visited home.

There was a silence on the other end, like Ed was waiting for Ennis to continue, so he forced out his admission.

"It's about Jack."

"Oh…"

Ennis had no illusions about his uncle knowing about him and Jack. From Junior no doubt and might be even from Jane. But if he did, Ed had never really acknowledged their relationship in any way. Not even the fact that Ennis was gay. On the other hand, neither he had exhibited any sign of disapproval or disdain. Ever. For him, Ennis had always been his sister's baby son he had to take care of when she'd passed, irrespective of what he was and what he did. And Jack was Ennis's best friend since childhood, had always been.

"I need to talk to Jane. To find out Jack's whereabouts. You probably know he's been out of touch for almost two years now, right?"

Ed let out a noncommittal grunt that Ennis settled for as an acknowledgment and continued. "I've just learnt, like fifteen minutes ago, why… Well, at least I think so. It has to do with his father." He added, hoping that Ed was aware of Jane's views of the elder Twist.

He had probably guessed right, because after a short pause Ed asked cautiously.

"What exactly d'you want me to do, Ennis?"

It was a breakthrough Ennis had been hoping for. _How in the bloody hell hadn't you figured that one out earlier, you brainless, fucked up, hopeless dickhead? _He grabbed at it, words tumbling out in a rush.

"Could you please call her – as I said, she doesn't take my calls – and tell her that I know why Jack was discharged from the Air Force. About his father involvement in the Gulf incident, about the investigation and Gen. Twist's retirement a month ago. And also about Jack's Mum and… his father too. Tell her that Jack told me himself, in Thailand. Before he's gone missing… And now I think I know why…."

_Okay, that one might be a bit of a stretch, but Ed didn't need to know it, did he? _

"Hey, hey, hold your horses now, boy. You make my head spin with your story. Can you explain to your daft ol' uncle what's going on here? Maybe just a little?"

Ennis let out an exasperated sigh. He knew he owed it to Ed, if he wanted his help, but he simply didn't have time. It felt like he didn't, not any more. He just had to find Jack, like right now. If only to say that he was fucking sorry for doubting him.

"It's a long and complicated story, Ed. I promise I will tell you when I get home. Tonight. But for now, could you please just trust me and call Jane. Just tell her what I've just said. Ask her to call me. As soon as she can. Please! I need to know where Jack is and I think Jane knows. No way she doesn't… _Please_, Ed?"

He knew he sounded pitifully desperate but couldn't help it. Didn't care either. He heard Ed signing heavily and held his breath.

"Alright, boy, I'll give her a call. Can't promise that she will ring you back though. That's her call, not mine. Alright?"

"Yes, Ed, of course! I understand. I can't begin to tell you how grate…"

Ed never let him finish this phrase. "It's okay, Ennis. See you at dinner then. Drive carefully."

And he hung up.

Ennis stared at his cell phone for a moment, then sighed, flipped it closed and slid it into his jeans' pocket.

There was nothing else he could do just now but wait for Jane's call. Might as well get going. Home. Where all of it had started so many years ago and kept coming back, time after time.

* * *

A/N

T-38: T-38 Talon, a supersonic jet trainer aircraft.

Golden Triangle: a popular touristic area within the juction of northern Thailand, Laos and Burma, between Ruak and Mekong rivers. Also the name for a larger area of mountains across these 3 countries and Vietnam notoriuosly known for illicit opum production.

DADT: 'Don't ask, don't tell' is the common term for the policy restricting the US military from efforts to discover or reveal closeted gay, lebial and bisexual service members or applicants, while barring those that are openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual from military service


	11. Chapter 11

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**11:30 a.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

It was way past eleven, the deadline he'd set for himself for taking off, when Ennis finally out of his old flat and in his car. _Righto, good to go_.

He turned his head slightly to look at _the_ _box_ that was nestling on the passenger seat next to him, stretched his left hand out and touched it, rubbing his finger tips lightly on its rugged, papery top.

_Here we go again, Jack. Going home, you'n I. Just wish you knew it… Wish you did it with me._

He turned to look behind him, started the engine, slid out of from his parking spot in between an old Nissan Datsun pickup of indescribable colour and a red Toyota MR-Spyder convertible and hit the road. Destination: Bassenthwaite.

**O**

**O O**

_**Illusions and Hopes: 1995 - 1998**_

_Looking back years after, the summer when Jack returned to him once again had probably been one of the most difficult in Ennis's life. At the age of twenty three, freshly graduated and with an offer of an internship with BBC, he was supposed to be full of hopes and plans for a big bright future. Yet, he had been all bent out of shape and then torn to pieces by his friend and lover's return, his stubborn 'am not queer' stance and refusal to talk about their relationship. _

_True, he had been flying high, euphoric with Jack back in his life, in his arms, as hungry for Ennis as Ennis was for him, if not more. Because even if Jack had never said it explicitly, Ennis understood from things he would drop, here and there in various conversations, that back then Jack had truly believed that he was queer for Ennis only. Couldn't fucking do anything to fix it._

_That summer Ennis learnt the hard way that trusting his friend the way he had always had before entailed painful consequences for him. Like learning on the first day of Jack's arrival, after they'd quenched their insatiable lust for each other some and started talking, that he'd joined the Air Force after all. Because the son of a bitch wanted to fly with the Thunderbirds. Always had. And by the way, got married too the previous year and was a father to the cutest six month old boy, named Bobby. _

_Ennis thought he could punch the bastard in the face, hadn't he sounded so pained telling Ennis all about it, brightening up only when talking about his son. Okay, so Ennis had known about his marriage and fatherhood from Jane already, had had no choice but to get over it by that time. But what he was supposed to do next, with Jack being a family man _and_ an Air Force man at the same time, with all the consequences thereof? _

_Jack looking at him with his impossible, dejected puppy eyes hadn't help Ennis much either in the rational decision making department. In fact he looked like Ennis was about to issue him a death warrant every fucking time Ennis attempted to talk about what they should do. About _them_. So Ennis just stopped trying after the fourth or fifth attempt. _

_It hurt like hell to be Jack's dirty little secret, especially the first couple of years, when Jack insisted on spending their summers at private resorts on some little reclusive islands. So, Ennis tried to console himself that it was still better that never seeing the little ass again. Hundred times better, he reckoned, comparing to the four years before Jack's return. And infinitely more so those times when Jack would look in his eyes while giving Ennis his best sex ever and Ennis could see in them everything he wanted to tell Jack, pouring out so freely, so generously on him that it would take his breath away. _

_And then one day in May, around three years since they'd gotten back together again, while Ennis was in Washington DC on an assignment with BBC America, came an email which in Jack's laconic style said 'my divorce papers come through. Aug still on? J'. _

_The day after Ennis landed in Forth Worth Airport, Dallas. _

_..._

**May 1998**

In hindsight Ennis had to admit to himself that it had been one of the most stupid things he'd ever done in his life. But that day, when he got that bloody email from Jack, all his fucked up piece of brain could focus on was that his Jack was finally free and there was a chance that they might be together, like _real together,_ sometime soon.

Well, Jack was still with the Air Force which meant he couldn't be open about them until the end of his commission and that's another nine years or so, if they went by the rules. But at least Ennis wasn't his little something on the side any more and it made him feel hopeful… Shuck it - he was almost ecstatic.

For the whole flight with AirTran to Dallas via Baltimore, Ennis couldn't stop grinning like a fool, watching through the aeroplane window as milky white foam of clouds floated by against the boundless blue. What he tried not to think of just yet was what he was going to do upon arrival, since he didn't know Jack's coordinates in Dallas. Had never needed them, as they'd never met in America, never really planned it in the first place. The thought had actually passed through his dizzy drunk brain fleetingly when he was booking his flight over the internet, but he'd dismissed it quickly, telling himself that he'd deal with it later. One step at a time, dude, as Jack would say.

Then the time to act was staring in his face as he's standing in the middle of hustling and bustling Dallas Forth Worth Airport, an overnight duffel bag in his hand, suddenly uncertain. So, why had he thought that Jack would be thrilled with his surprise visit, again?

_Because Jack did it to you and not even once, stupid!_

_Yeah, but that was in England, you dickhead! This is bloody America, for crying out loud. Where Jack's an Air Force pilot, as straight and macho as they go. Has he ever indicated to you that he wanted you anywhere around here, especially his home town? _

_Aw, shut up already, arsehole! I've done it, alright? Too late to worry now. So just live with it._

Ennis almost groaned in frustration, looked around and headed to look for payphones.

Jack answered on the second ring as if he'd been waiting for the call. _So_ _maybe he was waiting for him?_ Ennis felt like he was ready to burst any minute now.

"Hello?"

Jack sounded a little surprised, probably at the unknown number. The one he was calling was Jack's private number which Ennis knew only a handful of people had. Ennis could hear the noise in the background, like Jack was at a bar or a party.

"Jack, it's me, Ennis…"

Suddenly he realized that he had only called Jack's cell phone a couple of times and only while his man was visiting in England. The few times they had talked on the phone across the continents it had always been Jack who called him. Always at Ennis's home number and every time from a public phone. They rarely used their cells and if they did it was primarily for messaging.

"En?.. What's the… Hold on a sec. Just hold it."

Jack's voice went from startled to worried to hard and in control in a flash. And he had never called him 'En'. Ennis knew Jack liked his name, as he'd admitted once, said it often, sometimes just out of the blue, with a little soft smile on his lips that had never failed to do Ennis in.

Ennis swallowed hard, wiped the palm of his left hand on his jeans. _Shit, why is he sweating?_

He heard Jack saying 'sorry guys, I have to take this one. Family business. Will be back', some sniggering and other male voices saying 'not your ex again' and 'thought she got all she wanted. What haven't you given her, Jack?', then it sounded like Jack walking out of the room or wherever he was as the noise level gradually subsided into a distant buzz of a large city.

"En? What happened? You calling from the airport or something? Where are you?"

So he'd figured, probably from the all the noise on Ennis's background. Too late for a last minute change of plans now.

"I'm in Dallas, at Fort Worth."

"Dallas Fort Worth Airport…"

It was a statement, not a question, like Jack was trying to put pieces of information together to assess the situation. He didn't say anything further so Ennis ventured out, trying feebly to offer a rationale, to both of them, for his presence there, right at that moment.

"I was in DC, on assignment, like I'd told you. Got your email. About the divorce, you know… So, I thought I'd come… visit you…"

He trailed off. Gosh, he sounded pathetic. How come this _rationale_ of his had sounded so rational in the beginning? Now it sounded like it's coming from a frigging teenage girl, even to himself. It would serve him right if Jack would be totally disgusted by the whole thing. By him.

"Oh, I see…"

Jack did not sound disgusted. If anything, Ennis thought he sounded …resigned?

There was a moment of silence then Jack started taking quickly as if apologizing… Shit, he actually _was_ apologizing. To Ennis. Who was about to fuck the whole thing up for Jack.

"Ennis, I'm so sorry for this, truly sorry. But I can't have you here right now. I'm leaving to Vegas in three days. I've been re-assigned to the Thunderbirds squadron, Ennis." For a second Ennis could hear the pride and wonderment of the teenage Jack he'd known over a decade ago. "Christ, Ennis, you could have called me from Washington! What d'you want me to…"

He didn't let Jack finish. "Nothing, Jack, don't worry about it."

He tried not to sound wounded but realized Jack would know anyway. And he didn't have anyone to blame but himself for the stupid impulse.

"I'm sorry, Jack. Guess it was a bad idea. So glad you've made it with the Thunderbirds. I'll see you in August then."

He hung up, feeling like shit.

The feeling wouldn't wear off for the whole trip back to Washington and then to London on the following day. Even Jack's SMS saying 'so sorry, was an asshl. ms u' improved his mood only a little. But then, when he got home and opened his mailbox, there was an email from Jack.

It said: 'Where are you planning on going in Aug? Am with you. J".

* * *

A/N:

The Thunderbirds: the air demonstration squadron of the US Air Force, based at Nellis AF base in Las Vegas Nevada.


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Mid-day, Saturday, September 18th, 2004

Ennis never knew for sure what had actually happened to Jack in 1998, but that year _something_ had changed in his best friend and lover. _He_ had changed. It was as if he had finally come to terms with the fact that he was gay after all. Not just for Ennis, but gay, period.

Maybe it was his failed marriage to Lara Newton, nee Lureen Newsome, a very hot and pretty actress and dancer with some talent and larger than life aspirations whom he had met when they were both students at the UND, she a student of the Theatre Arts Department.

Or it was him finally achieving his childhood dream of flying with the Thunderbirds and suddenly slowing down to reflect – ok, now what?

Or maybe it was Ennis's impulsive, unannounced visit to Dallas that triggered the donning on Jack that his divorce was what Ennis had been waiting for. For Jack to be single and his. Not just as his best friend, but as his …. alone. Undivided.

Whatever it was, but from that summer on Jack had ceased holing them up in exclusive hideaways and started following Ennis on rough and basic trips, the type Ennis knew Jack had never done before, across South America, Southeast Asia and Africa, first on jeeps, then also on motorbikes. It was on those trips with Ennis that Jack had discovered the side of life he'd only known from television and newspapers, but had never experienced so close up and personal.

It never ceased to amaze Ennis how easy Jack took in and dealt with new surroundings, the hardship and deprivation they'd been brushing with on their trips, the underprivileged that he'd never mixed and mingled with before. Jack's sincere, almost childish curiosity about everything, his cheerful kindness towards the children in the villages and town they'd passed through, his respectful friendliness with the village elders had often left Ennis wondering where that trait of Jack's character could come from, in that young man who was supposed to be born a spoilt rotten rich brat. It reminded Ennis of Jane. So, probably it was another Sinclair thing after all.

But that was not all that had changed between the two of them. The sex part of their relationship had changed too, in a way Ennis could only dream about in his secret, wildest dreams. Starting from that first trip 'out into the world' as Ennis thought of it afterwards. And even that was not all…

**O**

**O O**

_**Inca Tales: Summer of 1998**_

_Ennis had never spent so much time preparing for his overseas trip like he had for that first trip with Jack, across Peru. He felt like it would be a 'make or break' try for Jack - for them - and he simply couldn't afford to let it fail. In hindsight, the experience had been some sort of an anticlimax for Ennis. Okay, so maybe he'd had a slightly distorted idea of Jack's level of endurance, forgetting for a minute that Jack was a trained military man after all. But then, Ennis had never seen his lover in conditions of scarcity before, except for a couple of wild camping trips in England, which might as well not count. Or maybe he had been over-protective, overly worried or whatever._

_Anyway, Jack had turned out to be a surprisingly undemanding companion on rough riding trips, never complaining about the lack of things he probably took for granted in his comfortable life, accepting everything that was good enough for Ennis. He was completely different from the Jack on their holidays at exclusive resorts – always impeccably polite, but somewhat cool and indifferent. If Ennis had to give a two word description to that change in Jack, he would say that it felt like Jack had passed his 'in control' stick over to Ennis, completely, with no back thought. _

_The first two days of the Peru trip was relatively easy. Ennis drove them in a rented beaten up Jeep Wrangler heading south along the highway from Lima to Paracas, venturing out from time to time into the desert or towards the ocean to test the vehicle, themselves and to take pictures Ennis needed for this assignment. _

_Jack was rather subdued for the most of the first day of their trip, didn't say much. Like he was reconsidering his options thought Ennis and it made him a little nervous. Until later in the afternoon, when they drove for almost an hour along the seemingly endless caravans of dunes, majestically arching in the distance, shimmering white in the glowing orange-purplish-red-and-deep-blue sunset. Jack was quiet for most of the hour, looking through his side window. And just when Ennis was beginning to get really worried, Jack turned to face him, eyes wide with wonder and a little misty, a little soft smile curling his lips, and breathed out: 'Awesome'._

_And just like that Ennis knew that everything would be just fine. _

_For the following week they drove along the coast of the Pacific, sometimes through the wastelands, to the City of Ica, then down to the valley of Nazca, across the desert again and up the Andes to Abancay and then Cuzco. _

_During the few days of their journey in the desert, Ica unveiled to them its numerous true faces and colors, all inspiring incredibility and awe. The rugged but flat terrain with long, smoothly arching, solid dunes they traversed the first few hours abruptly gave way to gravel, more gravel and crushed rock on the steep slopes of very tall hills. The mossy and charcoal grays gave way to the deep red-browns. Then, closer to the Pacific coast, it was sandstone dunes, coated in a thin layer of honey hued sand and salt-jacketed rocks, glistening white under the blazing sun. Then, on the coast line, it was soft sands, dark and heavy with sea water or light and shimmering, beyond the reach of the ocean._

_But the most incredible thing of all was the complete barrenness of the place. On the second day in the desert Jack mentioned, almost breathless with awe, that he'd never imagined that this kind of sublime desolation could possibly exist on earth. But then, if not for the glimpses of the ocean they saw from time to time, the eerie landscape of the place looked like they were driving on the Moon. And it stretched out boundless, until the end of time._

_On the fourth day Jack took Ennis flying over the Nazca lines. They did the whole full monty, covering the vast desert floor with giant enigmatic drawings in two hours, gliding in wide circles, the wings of their little Cessna at times pointing straight at the ground. The Whale, the Monkey, the Humming Bird, the Spider, the Alcatraz ... In the end both agreed that their favorite was the Condor: spreading out its wings for miles, it probably carried a very special meaning to its creators to be placed almost in the center of the valley, in proud solitude. _

_For the next two days they rode in the Andes, up and down the ranges, along a narrow winding road, paved in the beginning, then broken down to a rugged dirt path, followed by an occasional sweeping drive on a wider road, all adorned by a magnificent ever-changing landscape. They topped numerous passes, swirled on hairpin like curves and corners, passed through towns and villages and by terrace fields lapped together like emerald and gold platters on the slopes of the mountains. The further from the ocean they went, the more fertile was the soil and the landscape changed again the further to the East they went. _

_Then one day the road took them through a deep canyon - reddish-brown rocky crusts towering on both sides of the road, a wild river roaring along, like in a movie about the Wild Wild West, said Jack in wonder and pointed at a sole condor gliding soundlessly in the sky. Of the bluest of the blue Jack said he'd ever seen._

_Ennis grunted and cut his friend a sideway glance, raising his brows in a mocking 'look who's talking' smirk. Jack turned to look at him, said 'what', then 'aw, shut up, you dumbass' and turned away, blushing. But Ennis still caught a glimpse of a sappy smile on Jack's face, the one that always set off butterflies in his stomach, sending them fluttering down further south in a heartbeat._

_The further up and eastward they went, the harder was the road and the harsher was the habitat. On the one but last day before Cuzco Ennis thought there would be no end to the dust and pits and holes and stones and mud, all on top of each other, on a very narrow dirt path circling around the mountains and crossing the same river countless times. They had been told at the very basic hostel they had stayed the night before, in a little Andes town of Piquio, that they would have to cross six bridges before they reached Abancay. 'An hour a bridge' noticed Jack when they crossed the second one. Or so it seemed at the speed they went: the miserable seventy miles before their destination took them almost six hours and all their energy. They had to stop several times to take a breather from the unending rough driving. And then the night fell and they drove in the dark and there were still two bridges ahead. _

_Ennis was wary for the whole day, steeling himself for Jack's annoyance. But his friend didn't utter a word of complain, not once. And when finally they got to their room in a little family guest house downtown, dead tired and starving, he pulled Ennis into a tight hug the moment the door closed behind them, pressed his lips into the side of Ennis's neck and whispered: "We've made it, friend." _

_Ennis felt such a rush of relief it made him want to howl. He grabbed Jack's head and gave him an open mouth kiss that left Jack breathless and whispered back, into his still parted lips: "Thank you, little darling."_

_Jack dazed Ennis again in Cuzco when the little smartarse offered to give him a tour of the city, in search of El Dorado, as he said. Ennis looked at him dumbstruck, as his lover shrugged and offered off-handedly, a sly little smile on his lips: "Always wanted to come here to find the Inca gold when I was little". And that was all he said on the matter._

_Cuzco's cathedrals and churches, that's where they found the glimmering traces of El Dorado: built by the Spaniards on the ruins of the Inca's palaces, temples and shrines, using their original building materials - massive stone boulders and ... gold. A lot of gold. Ennis had never seen anything so monumentally decorated with gold and silver leaf like those colossal cathedrals. But then gold for the Incas was nothing more than a decorative element in their everyday life, explained Jack, eyes shining with excitement. And by the way at some point during the Spanish conquest of Peru, Spain had been so flooded with the Inca gold and silver, that the Queen of Spain had had to halt its importation. So, probably, part of the gold and silver that never made it to Spain had been applied to these cathedrals by the children of Christ. 'To magnify the shining glory of their God' concluded Jack with smirk and whisked Ennis off to another site around the central Plaza del Armas._

_It was misty and grey the morning they drove to the foot of Machu Pichu and it looked like it would rain. Which was an unexpected pest during what supposedly was a dry season. Ennis was upset, but Jack just shrugged 'it would be fine'. _

_To Ennis's dismay it started raining when they got to the place and started a slow and twisty ascend up the mountain. It was still drizzling when they reached the city of the Inca half an hour later and found... mountain slopes blanketed in thick pearly clouds. The remnants of a couple of old stone houses, a stone terrace and a section of broken stairs showing through the flimsy mist – that was all they could see within a thirty feet radius. _

_But maybe it had all been intended that way. Slowly, the haze pulled away, little by little reveling an elaborate labyrinth of stairways, houses, squares, palaces and temples, all built in large stone blocks, then the terraced fields on the steep slopes, then the forest-clad mountain ranges towering around and the little valley, with a silver thread of the meandering river, far below... _

_By the time they climbed up to the Temple of the Sun, the highest points of the city, the citadel was drenched in the rich golden sunlight. The view was breathtaking and unbelievably dramatic. They lingered there for a while, speechless, consumed with awe and something resembling a sense of accomplishment Ennis thought._

_After a long while Jack let out a shuddering breath, as if he'd been holding it for a long time, and asked quietly: _"_Ennis, is it me or you too have this weird feeling… Like we've reached the end of the world? Here it is," he made a sweeping gesture with his hand, "and there's nowhere else to go…" The last words were barely above a whisper._

_Ennis didn't answer, reached for Jack's hand and squeezed it, fully expecting him to pull it away quickly._

_But Jack didn't. He just stood there with his hand in Ennis's, his eye on the horizon, the look on his face soft and at peace. _

...

That night Jack didn't launch himself at Ennis in his usual way. Like he would die if he wouldn't have Ennis right there and then. Instead, he let Ennis hold him for a long while, face buried in the sweep at the base of Ennis's neck, right hand clutching at Ennis's shoulder.

Jack wanted something.

Something he'd never done before and needed Ennis's permission. For fiery and insatiable as Jack was, he never just took what he wanted. He'd only have what was given to him. Willingly.

"Jack? What is it?" Ennis palmed the back of his lover's head, stroked upward from the hair line, burring his fingers in the thick soft locks.

"Want you."

It was faint as a breath and Ennis had to strain to hear it.

"Yeah, you got it, cowboy."

Ennis was already hard and ready but could feel that Jack was not there with him yet and it surprised him a little. It was so unlike Jack. He tried to turn to look into his face.

"Jack…"

"I want _you"_ Jack whispered again, sounding a little desperate, for Ennis's understanding.

Ennis froze, almost stopped breathing.

"Jack, you want _me _to f…" He trailed off, suddenly uncertain how to put it, what he suddenly realized Jack wanted, into words that would not drive him away.

Jack's head moved against his neck, his fingers flexed convulsively at Ennis. He would probably have bruises tomorrow on his shoulder but Ennis couldn't care less. He couldn't believe that Jack was asking him to…

"Jack, you sure?.. You don't have to, you know. I'm…"

Jack didn't let him finish, repeated in a loud if somewhat shaky whisper. "I want you… in me."

Ennis's head was spinning, mouth went dry. He would have probably got all dizzy had he been standing up.

He hadn't done this for such a long time. Since Jack had come back to him. Not that Ennis hadn't wanted to. Especially with Jack. On the contrary, he'd dreamt of it often, secretly hoping that he would be able to tell Jack what he wanted. One day. But Jack had never asked and it had felt like he was not entirely sure about the whole thing about them, so Ennis had been scared shitless that asking for it would turn Jack away altogether.

Suddenly Ennis realized with a start that Jack was waiting for him to respond somehow, do something and he was faltering. He swallow hard, turned to his side to face Jack, pushing his head away a little to see his eyes. They were closed, not looking at Ennis.

"Okay, Jack… Gosh, I haven't done…"

He trailed off again, realizing that by saying that he hadn't done it for a long while he would actually be admitting that he _had_ done it before. With others.

They'd never really talked about it but Ennis suspected that Jack had never been with other blokes. For him, it's always been just this one inexplicable obsession - Ennis. Christ, he'd probably been with only a couple of other women before Lureen, as far as Ennis knew.

And Ennis? He cringed inside.

_Shit, why is this so difficult, like walking over a landmine?_

Jack was now looking at him, eyes wide with expectation and confusion.

"You've fucked guys before, haven't you, Ennis?"

He didn't sound upset, just slightly nervous. And Ennis didn't have a choice now.

"Yeah, I did. Long time ago, Jack."

He stroked Jack's face, loving the feel of a day stubble against his palm. Everything about Jack felt so right. So… just perfect.

"Ok. Then do it… with me… Will you? Ennis?"

_Jesus Christ, what's wrong with you, Del Mar? Are you going to let him beg for it? To do what you've always wanted? God, you are one pathetic loser!_

"Yeah, of course I will, Jack…"

He claimed Jack's lips hungrily, open mouthed, gently pushing his tongue against them, asking for entrance. And Jack let him in, giving himself over to Ennis. Letting him have control. Completely. With no turning back.

…..

They did it unhurriedly, face to face like Jack wanted, Ennis trying the best he could to hold off, to break Jack in gently. It took him all the willpower he possessed not to rut into his lover's maddeningly tight and hot entrance, but give all his loving in long, deliberate strokes that made Jack thrash and writhe underneath him, moaning Ennis's name like a chant, his hands grasping Ennis's biceps, eyes wild with ecstasy.

Jack came with a strangled cry, not even a hand on him, and Ennis let himself follow, his own climax so powerful that he went blind for a moment and then couldn't regain his breath for a long while…

…

Ennis was mystified. Not so much by the intensity of the feelings, stunning all his senses, for it always felt like that with Jack, but by the following serenity, almost palpable and all-enveloping. It was like getting to the end of the too long a journey: here you are, at the end of your road, and there's nowhere else to go. No need to. It felt like… earlier that day, on top of Machu Pichu. At the end of the world.

Jack was very quiet besides him.

Ennis turned his head on the pillow, gazed intensely at his lover's face next to his, for a second worried.

Jack's eyes were tightly closed, eyelashes moist, lips swollen and raw. His still damp face, shoulders and chest were glowing warm gold in the soft light cast by the bedside lamp under an amber coloured shade. Like he was some kind of Inca deity, Ennis just couldn't recall which one right then.

"You OK?"

He opened his eyes at Ennis's question. They were dark, bottomless, but somehow at the same time illuminated from within.

"Yeah… Hope you liked it." He tried to sound matter-of-factly, but the faint smile he gave Ennis was heartbreakingly gentle.

"I did, cowboy. I did…"

Ennis brushed his fingertips over the little brown mole above Jack's upper lip, the touch feather-light. He wanted so much to say more, but was still unsure if it's time yet, to set the words swirling at the tip of his tongue free.

_You have no idea, my love_!**I **_had no idea…_

And then Jack said it, quietly but clearly, his eyes locked into Ennis's, so soft, so sincere.

"I love you, Ennis."

* * *

**A/N:**

UND: the University of North Dakota

The Nazca Lines: are a series of ancient geoglyphs located in the Nazca Desert of Peru on a high, arid plato that stretches over 80 km (50 miles). The hundreds of individual figures range in complexity from simple lines to stylized hummingbirds, spiders, monkeys, fish, sharks or orcas, llamas, and lizards. (From Wikipedia)

Machu Pichu: literally "Old Mountain", a pre-Columbian Inca site located 2,430 metres (7,970 ft) above sea level. It is situated on a mountain ridge above the Urubamba Valley in Peru, which is 80 kilometres (50 mi) northwest of Cusco and through which the Urubamba River flows. Most archaeologists believe that Machu Picchu was built as an estate for the Inca emperor Pachacuti (1438–1472). Often referred to as "The Lost City of the Incas", it is perhaps the most familiar icon of the Inca World. (From Wikipedia)

El Dorado: (_Spanish__ for "the golden one"_) the name of a Muisca tribal chief who covered himself with gold dust and, as an initiation rite, dived into a lake. Later it became the name of a legendary "Lost City of Gold" that has fascinated - and so far eluded - explorers since the days of the Spanish Conquistadors. Imagined as a place, El Dorado became a kingdom, an empire, the city of this legendary golden king. (From Wikipedia)


	13. Chapter 13

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**2:00 p.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

Ennis was doing a pretty good time and by 2:15p.m. was outside of Knutsford. He was desperate to stop to write down bits of information that was creating a maelstrom in his head, the way he'd usually do to start a new story line. God, he had been such a dimwit! Why hadn't he done this earlier, much earlier? Like 2 years ago maybe, instead of wallowing in hurt feelings and self pity?

_Why, Ennis fucking Del Mar? Why? _

_Because you can be such a dickhead sometimes, that's why! Not one to blame but yourself!_

He turned off the M6 and headed towards The Windmill, a little historical pub and inn on Chester Road he'd been stopping once in a while on his way to Bass.

The cozy place was half empty and Ennis sat down at the table for two by the window stashed with a collection of multicoloured bottles, ordered a roast beef sandwich and a coffee and started furiously scribbling in his large notebook, almost tearing holes on the page with his ball pen.

"**Jul-Aug 2002****: Golden Triangle ride. J says he'll be joining war games in the Gulf.**

**Sept 2002****: war games. J shots down an aeroplane. After WG: J sends an email 'everything ok, don't worry about anything you read'. **

**Sept-Oct 2002****: news /gossips about 'accident' in the Gulf WG on the internet sites. **

**Oct 2002****: no communication from J. Email account and phones disconnected. **

**Nov 2002****: J calls from payphone, in NYC. Insists on E connecting him with P. Says it's related to his Mum's work. **

**J disappears.**

**Jan 2003****: email from P. J is in Chiang Mai 'in bad state'"**

Chiang Mai.

**O**

**O O**

**January 2003**

It took Ennis half an hour to find the scruffy litlle guest house in the cheap back-packers area of Chiang Mai he'd been told Jack was staying, then another fifteen minutes to the bar he had been re-directed to from the guest house. He tried to block out the shock that was threatening to overwhelm him at the squalid surroundings in which he was about to find Jack. His refined, blue-blooded Jack. Ennis couldn't put his head around Jack's choice of his current habitat.

The Blue Elephant Bar was another shady affair tucked at the end of a blind alley. Ennis parked his rented Honda scooter just outside the open door, walked in and took his shades off.

The bar was almost empty at this time of the day, just after four in the afternoon, except for three youngsters who looked like staff of the establishment chatting at the back of the dark room with low ceiling and a couple of patrons at the bar. One of the men was sitting on a bar stool with his back to the door, the other leaning into him, talking softly, almost in his ear.

When Ennis's eyes, that never left the two at the bar, adjusted to the semidarkness his heart skipped a couple of beats, breath caught in his throat. The man on the stool was Jack – Ennis would have recognized him anywhere – sitting there lifeless, unresponsive to his companion's talk, head hung low, shoulders slumped.

But it was not Jack's posture that revved Ennis up in an instant. It was the other man's right hand: it was rested on Jack's thigh, too high on his thigh, almost touching his crotch.

Almost blind with fury Ennis took four large strides towards the bar and pushed the unsuspected man away from Jack.

"Take your hands off him, you bastard!" The words rushed out in a spit flying hiss.

The bloke, a tall, muscular Thai, young looking and strikingly handsome, almost pretty, swung around and froze for a moment, astonished by an unexpected intrusion. But Ennis had already lost all interest in him. His eyes zeroed in on Jack, who turned around as if in trance and stared at Ennis.

Ennis gasped: Jack, his beautiful Jack – thin and haggard, unshaven, unkempt, very obviously drunk, eyes sunken and dull. Right then Jack's face lit up, a flurry of emotions flicked through it in a quicksilver succession: recognition, surprise, joy, then fear and challenge, the stubborn defiance Ennis knew only so well.

"Ennis, whatta fuck? Whatcha doin' here?"

He was slurring a little, but the dull sheen in his eyes began to clear out slowly.

But before Ennis could open this mouth again the young Thai made a step towards him and shove him away from Jack with an angry "fuck _you_".

Ennis whipped around, ready to hurl himself at the rival but Jack swiftly placed himself in-between them, hands on their chests, keeping them apart, talking quickly to the Thai.

"Hey, hey, cool off, Chang. Take it easy, boy. It's my friend Ennis."

The man called Chang looked at Jack, then at Ennis, said "Oh, okay" and backed off.

But Jack's words revved Ennis up another two notches.

"'_Your friend Ennis_', huh? That's what I'm now, huh Jack? You little bugger, look at you! You'll take your arse outta here, right fucking now! _I'm _taking you outta here."

He pulled his wallet out, dropped a couple of bills on the counter, eyes never leaving Jack who sauntered unsteadily towards the door. From there he turned around and called out to the young Thai again.

"Go home, Chang. I will call you later."

Ennis was out of the doors in a flash and shoved Jack who stumbled and rammed into the wall opposite the bar's door. Ennis pushed him up against the wall, hissing into his face.

"So, what is this all about, Jack Twist? Is this what your little research in Thailand all about, huh? I thought you said it's about your Mum?.. Look at yourself: you look like the last piece of shit!"

"Fuck you, Ennis! You know nothin' about it, so shut the fuck up and leave me alone!"

The fight flared in Jack and he was vibrating with inexplicable unreleased tension.

"_I _know nothing about it, huh? Right, Jack. And it's _my_ fault? Why don't you start telling me about it, _friend_, instead of cutting me off and disappearing for months on end and then when I'm finally finding you, you tell me that I know nothing!"

Ennis was almost shouting by the end, pushed Jack again against the wall.

"'Cause it's my business, Ennis, not yours. I'll deal with it. Just stay out of it, for Christ's sake." Jack shouted back, up and close in Ennis's face.

It was a sucker punch he never expected from Jack, not after all they'd gone through together, and it hurt like nothing had ever hurt before.

"Oh yeah? How you figure that, Jack fucking Twist, that it's none of my business?"

Jack was silent, visibly shaken by the implication of what he had just said, so Ennis barged on.

"And this is dealing with it?" He waived a hand at Jack in dismay, head to toe. "Hey, Jack? Lemme tell you, _friend_, you are fucking wasted and you know it. You can't deal with shit in the state you're now!"

Ennis turned away in sheer frustration, despair seeping out of nowhere, engulfing him, threw his hand up in surrender.

"You are too fucking much for me, Jack, you sonovabitch. Sometimes I wish I knew how to quit you!"

The moment he'd uttered the words Ennis wanted to take them right back, because he knew in his heart that it was not what he wished for. Never was.

"So why don't you, Ennis, huh? Why don't you just fucking leave me alone? All of you!"

The anguish in Jack's voice zapped Ennis like livewire, sending shockwaves down his whole body. He turned around to face Jack who was staring at the ground, pale as death, two large teardrops clinging to his eyelashes, refusing to fall.

Jack rambled on as if to himself.

"I'm nothin', I'm nowhere and fuck knows where I'll end up anyway. So why don't ya'll just leave me fuckin' alone!"

The last words were a desperate cry of distress, hurt and defeat.

Ennis anticipated Jack's next move even before his lover started moving, rushed to catch him, shouting 'Jack don't!'.

But Jack was quicker. He swirled around and rammed his fist full force into the wall, letting out a howl of agony, then slid down on the ground along the wall.

Ennis crashed on his knees right next to him, grabbed him in a bear hug, one hand clasping Jack's smashed hand by the wrist, the other holding Jack's head to his chest.

"Aw, Jack, you stupid stupid sod! Look what you done to yourself now. What would you go and do that for, huh?"

Jack was holding on, clinging to Ennis's chest, sobbing, then choked out "Ennis, I'm sorry, so sorry… I can't stand it anymore…"

And all at once it was as if they were back in time: Jack seventeen, crying on Ennis's chest, all lost, confused and hurt. And all Ennis wanted was to do all in his power to make everything all right again for that boy who meant more than anything in the world to him.

He pressed his mouth and nose in Jack's hair, whispered soothingly. "It's alright, Jack, it's alright. We will figure it out, little darling, you and I. Don't you worry, you hear me?"

But Jack was not hearing him. He went on muttering something into Ennis's chest until finally Ennis realized that Jack was repeating the same words again and again.

"He killed her, Ennis. He killed her"

Ennis froze for a moment, then tried to peel Jack's face off his chest to look into his lover's eyes. But Jack would have none of it, faced hidden, clinging to him like Ennis was his life support.

"Who killed whom, Jack? What are you talking about?"

"My Mom. He killed my Mom." Jack whispered through the tears.

"Who?"

Jack was stock-still, silent.

"Who killed you Mum, Jack? You can tell me anything, you know it, right, Jack?"

"That son of a whoreson bitch…"

Jack lifted his face, looked straight into Ennis's eyes, his were enormous and fluid on the pale, tearstain face, and breathed out, words barely audible.

"My father."

And it suddenly dawned on Ennis that it was probably the first time that Jack said it out loud, acknowledging it even to himself.

...

Jack refused to say anything else on that topic, kept saying 'I'll tell you later, I promise', so Ennis stopped asking. He knew all too well that he would only be wasting his breath and his time if Jack was not ready to talk.

He took Jack to his cozy little hotel, instead of the shady establishment Jack was residing in, nursed his bloodied and messed up fingers and knuckles, silently sending thanks to God that the stupid ass hadn't broken them to bits with the force he'd swung his arm, then bathed him in a cool bubble bath in the bathroom comfortably shaded from the bright sunlight outside, washed his matted mane of hair, dried and dressed him up in Ennis's own t-shirt and boxers, laid them both down in bed and held him.

Jack was eerily quiet and passive, as if in a trace, following obediently every of Ennis's leads. It was not the usual vibrant, livewire Jack that Ennis knew and it bothered him a little. But he resolved to let it go for the time being, seeing as Jack was too shaken and downhearted. He thought for now all Jack probably needed was for Ennis just to be there with him, maybe to hold him, like he had so many years ago, so he just did that, spooning behind his lover, holding his close, breathing in the faint but intensely familiar scent of his lover through the forest fresh smell of soap and shampoo at the nape of Jack's head.

They had to doze off at some point, both drained physically and emotionally, for when Ennis came back to life again, there was no more daylight coming through partially drawn floor long curtains. And Jack was not still anymore in his arms, but grinding his arse into Ennis's crotch, his injured hand pressing Ennis's right hand on to his erection. Ennis didn't need a second invitation. He closed his fingers around Jack's throbbing cock, his own coming to life and rock hard in an instant.

He gave Jack a few more hard pulls till he heard the familiar little noises coming from the back of Jack's throat, then rolled him on his back, went for his boxers, ready to dive in head on.

But Jack suddenly pushed him away and sat up, pulled up the boxers that Ennis had just pushed down, pulled the knees up to his chest and put his arms around them, looked away.

Ennis was stunned. Since when had Jack Twist been refusing a blow job? Not possible! Not Jack that he knew. Unless… Ennis went cold, jealousy like venom spreading through his mind, the desire gushing out as fast as it had just filled all his filaments not even a minute ago.

"You fucked him, didn't you, Jack? Don't tell me you didn't use rubbers, you little shit. I will fucking kill you!"

He jumped out of the bed, started to hammer all the lights in the room on in an attempt to keep himself and his hands busy with something, otherwise he knew it was Jack's face he would be hammering.

Jack didn't know where to lay his eyes, his hands moved restlessly from the bed covers to his hair, then back.

"No!.. Yes… I don't know."

He looked into Ennis eyes finally, pleadingly, and whispered. "I don't remember, Ennis, I swear. I don't fucking remember a thing."

He broke down into quiet sobs again, face buried in the arms that were circled on tops of his knees.

"What d'you mean you don't remember? Don't remember fucking him or don't remember using rubbers?"

Ennis knew he reeked of jealous rage but couldn't stop himself. He had to know. He didn't want to know.

All of a sudden Jack exploded.

"What part of 'I don't remember' you don't understand, Ennis? I said I didn't and that exactly what I meant – I DON'T REMEMBER! And I don't wanna talk about it right now, okay? Jesus, Ennis, you're worse than Jane with her million questions!"

He let out a giggle then stopped dead, realizing it, looked at Ennis with fearful eyes. Then he sprang out of the bed and started collecting his dirty clothes from the floor.

Something was not right. Ennis was confused by the story that didn't make much sense to him, the tearful Jack who didn't behaved like his usual self and his odd, rapid mood swings.

"Alright Jack, you don't wanna talk about _that_ right now, huh? How about telling me what happened in the Gulf on your war games? I heard about some major incident there, an aircraft being shot down, then you disappearing, then you calling me a month later, saying you were on an emergency leave, refusing to explain anything at all and asking to connect you with Pichit in Thailand. What was that all about then? Care to tell me, Jack?"

Jack stop dead in his track for a second then scuttled on, putting on his dirty trousers. When he started talking his voice was resigned and bitter.

"Oh _that_. Well, okay, yeah, I shot down an airplane. Thought it was an Iraqi. They came from the Iraqi side and attacked us. Two of them. Almost downed the second one when I got visuals. T'was an Eagle. They were not supposed to be on the other side of the border, least of all lock in on us. They were ours, Ennis, not hostiles… Like they wanted me to believe. Do you know what it means, Ennis? It means that I screwed up their plans. His plans. God, he was really pissed. Screamed and shoved me around. I've only seen him that pissed twice in my life… But that's not why they discharged me. No, Ennis...

"Wait a minute, what d'you mean '_they discharged me'_? From the Air Force? When did it happen? Why didn't you tell me, Jack?" Ennis was totally confused now.

Jack cut a hangdog glance at him, blushing, then offered feebly, eyes not meeting Ennis's: "Yeah, they discharged me. Just recently. I wanted to tell you… in person…"

"You mean when I twist your arms to get you to tell me?"

It came out bitter and he winced inside. Jack didn't respond, still not looking at him, so Ennis toned down a little.

"But why, Jack? Why? You saying it's not because you… because of what had happened the Gulf?"

"Yeah, indeed, 'why'! No, Ennis, that's not why. Nothing to do with it, obviously." His tone was dripping bitter sarcasm. "Try this one: they suddenly figured that I was a fag!" Jack grimaced at his own words, but carried on. "Hah, as if they didn't know it. That's why he's hated me all my life in the first place… But anyway, none of this really matters since he's already found another good cause for the war anyway."

"Who hated you? What war? What are you talking about, Jack?"

Jack's rambling still didn't make much sence to him and Ennis was getting frustrated again.

"My father, who else? The glorious, decorated and oh-so resourceful Major General John G. Twist. The shining star of the Joint Staff, that sonovabitch and his games of wars. Anyways, as I said, it doesn't matter, not one tiny li'l bit. We all don't matter, Ennis. We're all just pawns. No, less than pawns, in their bigger scheme of things. So read newspapers, Ennis, to keep your peace of mind. Don't bother trying to understand it, 'cause it don't matter or worth a flyin' fuck!"

Jack was all riled up and ready to dash out of the door. Ennis caught him by the left arm, pulled back, trying to face him down.

"Where are you going? Will you tell me what's going on for Christ's sake? Jack?" Ennis cried out, desperate. His head was spinning.

And then he looked down and saw four tiny dark red dots on the bruised inside of Jack's elbow. He went cold, stared at Jack's arm, shaking his head as if trying to shake away the horrifying vision.

"No, Jack, no! Tell me it's not true! Tell me you're not…"

Jack followed Ennis eyes, noticed his gaze, wrenched his arm from him and started backing towards the door.

"You don't understand, Ennis…"

"Yes, you are fucking right, Jack - I don't!" Ennis was almost yelling again. "So _please-please-please_ fill me in on what's going on here, for fuck's sake!"

Jack was on the brink of tears again but managed to hold it. He quickly pressed the edges of his palms over his eyes, as if trying to push back the swelling tears, then look at Ennis with a beaten puppy eyes and said quietly, almost gently. "Ennis, I'm so fucking sorry, you have no idea."

He hesitated for a second then continued with growing passion.

"Ennis, if I ever gonna ask you to do something for me, this is it, bud, am asking you: please stay out of this. I'll beg if I must. Please? I have to deal with it myself. These are my demons, not yours. So just leave me be… for now, okay?... I have to go now. I'll be in touch, Ennis, I promise I will.…"

And he was gone, leaving his dirty denim shirt on the floor by the bed and Ennis, cold and broken at heart.

* * *

Soundtrack: Crazy by Julio Iglesias


	14. Chapter 14

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Pairing:** Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references through out the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warnings:** mild angst

Please read author's notes at the bottom to better understand the background of the issues the story is dealing with and the time line. Thank you!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 13**

******3:00 p.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

By the end of the hour, Ennis had taken only three bites of his cold sandwich, washing them down with three large cups of coffee. He'd hardly noticed when his cup had been refilled. He hardly noticed anything around for that matter. His mind was working overtime, his notes covered five pages of the notebook already and he was still going.

"JUL-AUG 2002: THE GOLDEN TRIANGLE RIDE.

J TELLS ABOUT WAR GAMES IN THE GULF THAT HE'LL BE JOINING IN SEPT. DOES J KNOW HIS FATHER BEING PART OF WG ?

DINNER WITH PICHIT, BKK. J TELLS P 'WILL ASK A FAVOUR _ONE OF THESE DAYS'_. NOT URGENT THEN. WHY IT BECOMES 'URGENT FAMILY MATTER' _AFTER_ THE WG?

SEPT 2002: WAR GAMES IN THE GULF – USAF, RAF, SAUDI AF.

J SHOOTS DOWN AN AEROPLANE/F15 EAGLE. BECAUSE THEY ATTACKED HIM. WHY? SUPPOSED TO BE OURS, NOT HOSTILES. (IRAQIS DON'T HAVE F15? WHAT DO THEY HAVE? MIGS?). WAS IT PART OF THE WG? J DIDN'T THINK SO.

'THOUGHT IT WAS AN IRAQI'… THEY WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE IRAQI SIDE OF THE BORDER

'THEY WERE OURS, NOT HOSTILES, LIKE THEY WANTED ME TO BELIEVE…' - WHY 'THEY' WANTED J TO BELIEVE IT WAS AN IRAQI AEROPLANE?

'I SCREWED UP _HIS_ _PLANS_. HE WAS PISSED.' **WHAT PLANS**?

GEN. T WAS IN SA, J SAW/MET HIM?

AFTER WG: J SENDS AN EMAIL SAYING HE'S OK BUT WILL BE OUT OF TOUCH FOR A WHILE. WHY? 'DON'T WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU _READ'_. READ WHAT? ABOUT THE SHOT DOWN AEROPLANE? ABOUT JACK'S ROLE? HIS DISCHARGE?

J IS DISCHARGED/DECOMMISSIONED? FOR WHAT? SHOOTING DOWN THE AEROPLANE? WASN'T IT AN ACCIDENT? **WHY DID THEY ATTACK J****?**

OFFICIAL VERSION: J HAS BEEN DISCHARGED BECAUSE HE IS GAY. J DIDN'T BELIEVE SO. J IS NOT OPENLY GAY == HAS TO BE OPEN TO BE DISCHARGED (DADT). HOW DID THEY FIND OUT? J'S FATHER?

TRUE CAUSE: J THOUGHT BECAUSE HE'D SHOT DOWN THE AEROPLANE? à **THE CAUSE:** THE WG INCIDENT.

SEPT-OCT 2002: NEWS /GOSSIPS ABOUT THE 'ACCIDENT' IN THE WG ON THE INTERNET. NOTHING IN THE PRESS/TV. NOBODY SEEMS TO KNOW FOR SURE WHAT HAPPENED. _NOT EVEN AFTERWARDS, AFTER THE ADMIN HEARING 2 YEARS LATER_.

J'S NAME HAS NEVER BEEN MENTIONED ANYWHERE.

J SAID 'DON'T BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU READ'? J THOUGHT IT WOULD BE IN THE NEWS, BUT IT WASN'T. A COVER-UP? OF WHAT? === **GEN. T'S PLANS?**

WHAT WERE GEN. T'S 'PLANS'?

OCT-NOV 2002: NO COMMUNICATION FROM J.

J DISABLES EMAIL ACCOUNTS, DISCONNECTS PHONES: J IS AFRAID? OF BEING BUGGED? BY WHO? WHY? J KNOWS SOMETHING? == THE WG INCIDENT

NOV 2002: J CALLS FROM PAYPHONE, IN NYC.

SAYS HE'S ON 'EMERGENCY LEAVE' (?), LEAVING TO TL ON URGENT 'FAMILY BUSINESS' – RELATED TO J'S MUM.

J SOUNDS SICK OR DRUNK. WAS HE ON DRUGS IN AM. ALREADY? "

...

Ennis recalled Jack mentioning once that pilots were unofficially encouraged to use speed on long patrols and strenuous exercises. Jack rarely used it though, said he never really needed it. Except for a couple of times during the first year at the flight school when he'd thought he'd never make it with the grueling physical training they had been put through. But Ennis could never imagine Jack taking drugs, even pot, which Ennis himself had tried, not once, during his Uni times.

...

"J WAS SHOOTING SOMETHING IN CM! NOT AMPHETAMINES, SOMETHING MUCH STRONGER. HEROIN (POPULAR IN THAILAND)? WHY?

J IS VERY UPSET. REFUSES TO TELL ANYTHING. 'IT'S BETTER THAT WAY' –WHY? SEE ABOVE: J IS AFRAID OF BEING TAPPED? J DOESN'T WANT OTHERS TO BE INVOLVED?

INSISTS ON E CONNECTING HIM WITH P IN BKK. THE FAVOUR HE WANTED TO ASK (IN AUG.).

SENDS MESSAGE FROM BKK UPON ARRIVAL. FROM P'S EMAIL ACCOUNT.

DISAPPEARS.

EMAIL ACCOUNTS DEACTIVATED, PHONES DISCONNECTED. HOUSE IN SOLD. BOBBY TAKEN OUT OF SCHOOL, WITH NO FURTHER ADDRESS."

...

Yeah, Bobby. Jack's son was probably his only and constant source of worry as well as pride, the most important person to Jack as far as Ennis knew.

Lureen had left the toddler to his father and moved to New York with a large cheque in her little handbag, never looked back. So Jack had became a single dad, took Bobby with him to Las Vegas, bought a house near Nellis Air Force Base where he was reassigned to, hired the best governess he could find and a cook, spent as much time with his little son as he could spare. Tried to be the father to Bobby that his own father hadn't been to him, in the only way Jack knew how, being as young and confused as he was.

Ennis knew Jack would have never left Bobby behind alone. And not with the Twist family either, he was pretty sure about that too. So he'd tried to track his lover down through his seven year old son, who was at a boarding school by then, called up the best private schools around Las Vegas area. When he'd thought he'd finally found a link to Jack, it turned out to be a miss too: a polite, distant voice advised him that Bobby Twist had been taken out by his family and 'sorry, sir, we can't provide the forwarding address'.

...

"J WOULD NEVER LEAVE BOBBY WITH THE T FAMILY! WITH WHO THEN? SOMEONE HE TRUSTS - **JANE! **…WHERE? ITALY? **ENGLAND?**

JAN, 2003: EMAIL FROM P. SAYS J IN CHIANG MAI.

P HELPS J TO FIND OUT ABOUT 'FAMILY BIZ'. "J DID NOT PLAN THIS TRIP BACK IN AUG., MENTIONED FLEETINGLY. WHY URGENT AFTER THE WG? SOMETHING HAPPENED AT THE WG.

J SAID "HE WAS PISSED" === J ACTUALLY **MET** WITH HIS FATHER. CONFRONTATION? GEN. T SAID SOMETHING IN THE GULF TO SEND J TO CM URGENTLY TO DIG ABOUT HIS MUM'S DEATH.

J FINDS OUT ABOUT THE DEATH OF HIS MUM, HIS FATHER'S AND UNCLE'S ROLE. THE COVER-UP .THE 1ST TIME."

...

It took Ennis quite some effort to persuade Pichit, his own long time friend, to tell him what he'd helped Jack with in Chiang Mai. Jack was nothing if not thorough, trying his best to bury all the leads that could give clues to someone who might be following his steps. He'd probably anticipated that too.

What he'd learnt that day in Bangkok, on his way back to London, after three distressing and futile days of waiting then looking for Jack in Chaing Mai, horrified Ennis and sickened him to his guts.

Jane had been right after all to doubt John Twist's story about her sister's accidental passing. In a way it was probably an accident, an unintended action. A violent quarrel between a controling husband and his estranged wife that resulted in her death. A manslaughter. But it was the following deeds of John Twist and his brother Ron, a Congressman and a rising political star from Texas, who'd arrived the next day to help his baby bother, that were well calculated and in cold blood: the Twist brothers had simply bought the entire law enforcement system of the backwater city of Chiang Mai, lock, stock and barrel. The case had been labeled 'a tragic accident' and closed. End of story.

...

"**THE COVER-UP: WHAT THE 2****ND**** TIME IS ABOUT****?**

E/J IN CM:

FIND J AT A GAY BAR; J LIVING IN A CHEAP GUEST HOUSE – NOT LIKE J!

J IS HEAVILY ON DRUGS: SHOOTING, LOST WEIGHT, LETHARGIC, MOOD SWINGS. HEAVILY SO FAST?

J LEAVES AND DISAPPEARS AGAIN. CAN'T FIND HIM IN CM.

NOT IN CONTACT FOR 2 YEARS.

**WHERE WAS/IS HE?**

2003/04: INVESTIGATION OF THE GULF WG ACCIDENT WITH THE F15 SHOT DOWN. INITIATED BY GEN. TWIST'S SON === J WENT AFTER HIS FATHER! TO BRING OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED? TO GET JUSTICE FOR HIS DISCHARGE FROM THE AF?

IS THAT WHY J WENT TO CM - TO FIND THE TRUTH? 13 YEARS LATER? WHY?

JUL/AUG. 2004: CLOSED ADMIN HEARING AT SHEPPARD AFB. GEN. TWIST RETIRES SHORTLY AFTER.

WHAT WAS THE CONCLUSION, THE CAUSE? IT WAS HUSHED UP == REMAINS A NATIONAL SECURITY MATTER!"

...

Ennis looked at his scribbling for a long while, tore out a clean sheet and started writing again. This time summarizing a few key points. The heart of the matter.

"J DISAPPEARED AFTER WG INCIDENT AND DISCHARGE FROM THE AF. WAS HE HIDING? WHY?

J WAS DISCHARGED BECAUSE HE'D SHOT DOWN 'OUR' AEROPLANE. WHICH WAS INTENDED TO BE TAKEN AS 'HOSTILE': THE WG INCIDENT == J SCREWED UP GEN. T'S PLANS.

**WHAT WERE GEN. T'S PLANS?**

WAS IT FOR THE 'HOSTILES' TO SHOOT AT J? WHY?

GEN. T HAD ALWAYS KNOWN J WAS GAY (J SAID) – WHY TO SHOOT HIM NOW? J NEVER MENTIONED ANY CONFRONTATION WITH HIS FATHER LATELY == NOT THE MOTIF.

COULD IT BE ANYONE, INSTEAD OF J? WAS J'S INVOLVEMENT JUST A CO-INCIDENCE?

WHAT IS THEN THE MOTIF?

WHAT IF NOT J SHOOTING IT DOWN? WHAT IF 'HOSTILES' SHOT DOWN ==J== 'OUR' AEROPLANE? WHAT WOULD BE 'OUR' REACTION'?

APPEARANCE: 'OUR' ACTION (WG) à 'THEIR' REACTION (SHOT DOWN 'OUR' 'PLANE) à 'OUR' RETALIATION = ?

THE WG WAS IN THE GULF, ALONG THE IRAQI BORDER. PROVOCATION? WHAT IF IRAQIS HAD REALLY REACTED?

**WAS IT THE PLAN? IRAQI'S REACTION, REAL OR FAKE?**

**WG / INCIDENT **– **SEPT. '02.**

**UN RESOLUTION 1441**

**ULTIMATUM TO**

**ON WMD INSPECTION**

– **END OF.'02?**

**IRAQI INVASION** – **MAR.'03.** **CAUSE: POSSESSION OF WMD.**

**NEVER CORROBORATED IN THE END****. **

…

"_My father, who else?_ _The glorious, decorated and oh-so resourceful Major Gen. John G. Twist, the shining star of the Joint Staff, that sonovabitch and his games of wars… We are all just pawns, no, less than pawns, in their bigger scheme of things. So read newspapers, Ennis, to keep your peace of mind. Don't bother trying to understand it, 'cause it don't matter …"_

"…_None of this really matters since he's already found another good reason for the war anyway…"_

…

Gen. Twist and his 'games of wars'… Iraqi war?

Ennis stared at what he'd just written, the enormity of the premise he'd arrived at breaking sweat and giving his shivers at the same time. '_Son of a bitch_' seemed all his brain could come up with for a long while.

Of course. Maj. Gen. John Twist, Head of J7, the Directorate of the Joint Staff in charge of operational planning and joint force development. Which as far as Ennis knew (okay, so he'd checked Jack's father up too then, when Jack had disappeared) included developing war plans, doctrines and planning military exercises. That's why the General had been at the war games in the Gulf – he had been personally supervising the implementation of … _his plans_. Of the Iraqi war? Could it be possible that the WMD pretext for the Iraqi invasion in March 2003 was his Plan B, after his Plan A being inadvertently screwed up by his own son? Apparently Jack thought so. No wonder the old bastard had been so pissed.

_Jesus, Ennis, why didn't you get it back in Chiang Mai, when Jack tried to tell you about it, huh? And afterwards, while searching for Jack, doing all that useless research, almost daily? For what? And it's all because you have been so fucked up with your pride, you self-centered dimwit, that you couldn't see past your hurt feelings, that's why. What kind of a best friend you are after that, Ennis fucking Del Mar? What kind of a journalist? The worst fucking kind, that's what you are!' _

Suddenly all that happened after the war games and all Jack's actions that followed them started to make sense. Perfect sense. The whole incident in no doubt had been classified as a top secret national security matter and Jack had probably been interrogated and then shadowed, if they thought he'd known something. If his father had thought so. And he could have certainly thought so after the confrontation with Jack.

Because now Ennis thought that there probably had been a confrontation of some sort between the father and son. Which had led Jack to undertake his urgent trip to Chiang Mai. To find out the truth about his mother's 'accidental' death. Only to find out that it had been a cover-up of a manslaughter. A sort of 'accident'. In which the culprit had walked away. The first time.

Now Ennis suspected he also had an answer to his question why Jack had disabled all his phones and email accounts and then disappeared altogether.

…_.._

"_It's better this way…"_

"_It's my biz, not yours… stay out of it… I'll beg you if I must…I have to deal with it myself…"_

…

Because Jack was protecting all his contacts from getting involved in a state security matter that he had accidentally fouled up.

_He was protecting you, you stupid fuck, knowing what he did about his father and his modus operandi. Knowing what the senior Twist thinks about 'fags', experiencing first hand what could happen to them, even when it's his own son._

_But of course_ Jack couldn't tell Ennis, knowing oh-so-well that Ennis would have been all over it, trying to help, to protect his cowboy from… what had obviously been ten floors above Ennis's league. And what Ennis couldn't help with, Jack didn't even want him to know about, to spare him all the fears and worries. That part of his gallant and silly cowboy Ennis had learnt by heart already.

Ennis wanted to bang his head against the wall or slap himself in the face or something. He felt so exasperated with himself. God almighty, he'd been so blind.

He stood up, walked out of the pub into the warm, sunny afternoon and stood there staring up the cloudless blue sky for a long while, trying to reign back the tears that were swelling in his eyes, fingers interlocked at the base of the head, folded back arms gripping it like he was afraid his head would start splitting apart and into bits if he didn't hold it.

"Are you alright, love?" A female voice asked from the doorways behind Ennis's back, bringing him out of his stupor.

He turned around to face a pleasant looking woman in her early fifties. She had served him his sandwich and coffee in the pub. The look on her face was both concerned and curious.

Ennis took a shaky breath, brushed his fingers quickly over his eyes and gave her a weak, crooked smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thank you. Just miss… my boyfriend… something fierce."

Her eye went wide in surprise, but only for a fleeting second. Then she smiled back at Ennis, hers was open and kind.

"Oh dear… Well, he is a lucky chap, I can say. What's his name, then?"

"Jack."

"Alright then, do tell your Jack what I've just said. That he is one very lucky boy. Come on in then, sunshine, I'll pour you a fresh cup of coffee. What about a piece of cherry cake, love? It's our specialty here and it's finger licking delicious. You'll see. And it will be on the house, of course. You coming?"

He wanted tosay'no, it's me who's truly lucky, you have no idea', but she had already gone inside, leaving Ennis with his guilt and… hope. That he would find his Jack soon. Very soon. He had to, if only to ask Jack to forgive Ennis, for doubting him.

_Jane, oh Jane, please call soon! Please please please!_

He returned to his table and continued summarizing his hypothesis, washing down his newly discovered reality with a fresh cup of coffee and a piece of cherry cake.

* * *

A/N:

**WG**: war games

**Speed:** slang for amphetamine, a stimulant that causes wakefulness, euphoria, decreased fatigue, and increased ability to concentrate. Often used illicitly to stay awake. Reportedly used often in the USAF where it also called 'go pills'. The Tarnak Farm incident in April 2002, in which an American F-16 pilot killed several friendly Canadian soldiers on the ground, was blamed by the pilot on his use of amphetamine. (See more on on Wikipedia).

**WMD**: Weapons of Mass Distruction

**United Nations Security Council Resolution 1441, **also known as Resolution 1441**,** is a resolution adopted on November 8, 2002, offering Iraq under Saddam Hussein "a final opportunity to comply with its disarmament obligations" that had been set out in several previous resolutions. Resolution 1441 stated that Iraq was in material breach of the ceasefire terms by possessing and building WMD and also by purchasing prohibited types of missiles and other armaments.

Preceeding the adoption of the Resolution 1441, in September 2002, President Bush addressed the General Assemby with a catalogue of complains against the Iraqi Government. One item of the long list was Iraqi production and use of WMD including biological, chemical, as well as long-range missiles, all in violation of U.N. resolutions. Iraq, while denying all charges, announced that it would permit the re-entry of UN arms inspectors into Iraq. The US characterized this as a ploy by Iraq and continued to call for a Security Council resolution which would authorize the use of military force.

While the conclusions of the UN arms inspection team headed by H. Blix were inconclusive and never corroborated afterwards, the USA, UK and some other supporting country members of the UN Security Council initiated the war on Iraq on that pretext, using the Resolution 1441 to legitimize the declaration of war. This position taken by the Bush administration and its supporters, has been and still is being disputed by numerous legal experts. (extracted from Wikipedia)

Soundtrack: I Never Never Never Want To Be In Love With Anyone But You, Celine Dion and Luciano Pavarotti


	15. Chapter 15

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**September 2004**

Jack hunched up on a seat in the public waiting area of the airport, watching airliners of different sizes, under various flags and colors sliding by on the other side of the glass wall. It could have been more comfortable in the business class lounge, but then he and Bobby wouldn't have been able to watch airplanes coming and going. He chuckled faintly to himself. After all those years, all those aircraft he'd flown, almost a hundred of types and he could name each single one of them, after all that and still he couldn't have enough of them.

_Damn, Jack, thirty years old and you are still such a child! _

What was it with him, sometimes Jack wondered, that made him so single minded, so obsessed with what he wanted, real bad, sometimes to the extent that he'd do or give up things he had never dreamt he would.

At first and for a long while, there had been only one such thing – airplanes and flying. Or so he had thought. Then he'd learned – the hard way – that there were other things that were part of his life, part of himself, that he couldn't turn his back on, or deny, or erase them in any way, no matter how hard he tried and even if he'd die trying. The name to one of those 'things' was Ennis. Turned out it'd always been, since the very first day they met, one summer, twenty one years ago.

Then one day, shortly after his divorce from Lureen and reassignment to the Thunderbirds squadron, something he'd wanted all his life, it had suddenly dawned on Jack that he would do anything for Ennis. Would even give up his childhood dreams, if that's what Ennis wanted from Jack. It had scared him shitless. More than the time when he had first realized what _he_ wanted from Ennis. That he wanted… him. But to Jack's greatest relief ever, his friend had never asked for that. So Jack had given him the thing he'd thought Ennis might want – Jack himself and part of his life. And tried real hard to balance and keep in perfect check those two incongruous, conflicting parts that made up his fucked up life. Well, mostly, if not for those brilliant and dizzying moments of Jack giving it away to Ennis. His Best and OnlyFriend Forever_._

And then there was Bobby. For whom he'd die in a heartbeat. Jack didn't want to think about giving up the other _thing_ for Bobby though. He hoped that it wouldn't come to that. Like never. So he made it damn sure that both half of his life knew well that the other part was most important to him. _The_ most important. Because Jack knew that he just _had _to have both, for his life to be… whole. For _him_ to be whole.

The rest didn't really matter. His stupid, futile, childish dreams didn't matter. So he'd made them come true, all by himself, like he'd always wanted. The way _he_ wanted. And all to what end? A pointless death of another pilot, probably with dreams of flying like Jack's own. A wasted aircraft - power and beauty turned into a pile of disintegrated, burnt metal by one single move of Jack's finger.

**O**

**O O**

_**September 2002, The Gulf**_

Jack settles himself at the back and fixes his gaze over six rows of heads at the three briefing officers at the front of the CAP briefing room. Paul Stoddard, his wingman, a Brit on exchange duty, is in the seat to his left. As usual.

He likes Paul, a grounded and sarky Englishman from a place called Brunswick, just outside of New Castle, hangs out with him often. Jack feels some sort of affinity with him. Paul's accent, his cool and self-effacing demeanor reminds Jack of another Brit he knows… _very_ well. And of whom he must not think about right now. Well, if he doesn't want to be walking out of this room clueless about the day's mission and with a raging boner on top of it.

"Gentlemen," begins the briefing officer, standing up and silencing the last chit chat in the room. "Welcome to CAP briefing twenty seven on Day Three of Desert Scour."

He pauses and scans the assembled pilots till he had their complete attention.

"Well, it's fair to say that yesterday was a bad day for the Blue Team: we got licked. Overnight the Command Center has been going over the facts, and here are their conclusions."

Jack and Paul were on two sorties the previous day on this massive joint exercise of the USAF, RAF and RSAF, operating on CAP duty out in the northern sector, close to the Iraqi border. The Red Aggressor Team managed to get two of their Kfir airplanes over the imaginary border that halved Saudi Arabia for the purposes of the war games, and into the Blue Team's territory. What happened after that was rather confused over the radio. What _was_ obvious was that the Red Team downed one of the KC135 in-flight refueling aircrafts. It wasn't exactly his sector but Jack crashed in anyway, managed to acquire two targets with his training rounds as they attempted to egress.

"The Red team successfully shot down a KC135, with the theoretical loss of the aircraft and crew, as well as the A6 Intruder that was refueling at the time. So bad luck to those guys. It gets better, though." The briefing officer's tone is blisteringly sardonic. "All the crews that refueled _after_ this event, in theory couldn't have, so the following crews are all currently lying in smoking holes in the desert".

He starts to read out a list of crews who were 'dead'.

Jack's head goes into overtime mode in a flash. He knows precisely the flight time and likely fuel burn, even with the mad dash after the Kfirs, with the fuel load on take-off the Eagles should have been good for the four hour and ten minute sortie. So they should have made it – just! Besides him, Paul is scribbling calculations furiously on his knee pad. Jack pipes up when his co-pilot looks up.

"Reckon we'd have had just under 140 pounds of fuel remaining for landing. Maybe they'll let us live? What you think?"

"Yes, the reheat dash was expensive on fuel. We were near Mach 1.3 for four minutes before you got a lock on the Reds. But yes, we were just a shade over 130lbs. So, by the skin of our teeth, Cap."

When the briefing officer finishes reading out a list of 28 'dead' crew they aren't amongst them.

"So, said named gentlemen, the adjudicators tell me you aren't to fly anymore on this exercise. And they want to use this opportunity to ramp up the stress and see how we function now. This means the rest of you will be _busy_.".

Jack turns to Paul and whispers. "Welcome to the hour building flight school! Your logbook could use it."

He gives his wingman a sarcastic smirk knowing full well that Paul flew Tornados against Iraqis during his stint in the first Gulf War.

"There remains one small glimmer of glory in this whole damned mess." The briefing officer continues. "Our own Jack Twist as Echo-22 gets two kills. The adjudicators confirm your simulated Sparrow launch at 58 miles was likely to have succeeded. Apart from that, it's a pile of shit and today you have to do better, gentlemen." He turns to Jack again. "By the way Mr. Twist, they tell me you had to walk back to the ramp as you ran out of fuel during your landing run!"

The rest of the briefing is business as usual.

Jack and his wingman are to be on the northern CAP once again, with the same call sign Echo-22. Under the Rules of Engagement in force for the day they are allowed to poke their noses _through_ _their_ _side_ of the Iraqi border and invoke self-defense in the Saudi airspace if needed. For the day, each of the remaining F15s will also be fitted with two live Sidewinders missiles, in addition to the usual inert training rounds, for self defense purposes in case the Iraqis show too close an interest. Airborne Early Warning and ELINT assets will be airborne throughout to provide air guidance and info support to the war gamers.

The briefing breaks up amongst much chat from the crews.

"Gonna be a busy old day." Jack sighs and notes rather redundantly. "We'll slow the climb on this one. Let's preserve fuel. I just know the Reds will try to capitalize on our shortage of the refueling facilities. We don't want to get caught short."

They suit up in the crew room, then walk out into the blazing mid morning sun, helmets under their arms, to an old WW2 Willis Jeep Jack somehow managed to acquire in the little Saudi town fifteen miles from their airbase and which has been tolerated on the base. The driver, a new recruit on his first overseas military exercise, has the engine idling so they hop in the back.

"Take me to wherever it is I abandoned my ship yesterday, Jim."

Jack is useless at military officialdom and when out of sight of the bosses would treat his ground crew like friends. As the jeep moves off with a whine, a crunch and a lurch from its geriatric gearbox he pulls out his battered black cowboy hat from one of the old Jeep's empty ammunition boxes, plants it on his head. His blue eyes and toothy grin shine excitedly out from underneath. They are going to fly.

They sit in silence as the Jeep weaved its way to the aircraft shelter where their two F15C fighters are parked. The base is alive with activity. Bomb laden F16s scream along the taxiways, their whining engine notes rising and falling as they go. Deeper rumbles permeate the air as pairs of aircraft thunder off the nearby runway. Trucks and support vehicles scamper here and everywhere. And amidst all this noise is the incongruous whine of the absurdly ancient old Jeep that carries them to their mounts.

The Jeep swings around in front of the angular aircraft shelter, a simple structure of corrugated steel over a framework simply to keep the sun off. They leap off the Jeep, Jack casting his cowboy hat into the rear seat and the jeep whines off, dust drifting away as it recedes. The two F15s skulk side by side in the shade, their canopies gaping, noses sharp and single-minded. The ground crews are still finishing off, but the planes are fuelled and armed. The two pilots shake hands and head for their respective Eagles.

"Anything I need to know, Chief?" Jack turns to the ground crew chief.

"Negative, Sir, she's clean and good to go".

Jack is already in flight mode. He scans the earth beneath the wheels for tell tale brake fluid stains, then starts the walk round checks, instilled from day one of flight school, his hands stroke the Eagle, fall upon her tires and along her legs, seeking out the stray, the loose and the weeping. His lips twist in an amused little smirk. Sometimes Jack ponders how strange life is that the only she-babes that would thrill him to the point of near orgasm are these big and heavy, stunningly beautiful and cold creatures who would then become light, agile and obedient in his hands.

He removes her pitot covers, external control locks and examines his aircraft minutely, finally coming to the port missile pylon, poised with a Sidewinder air-to-air missile. A live one. A red protective sheath and red flag flutter in the stiff desert breeze from its nose, the large, printed, white letters 'REMOVE BEFORE FLIGHT' somewhat redundant. Jack removes the sheath and releases pin locks that render the beast impotent. Denuded of their safety devices, the cruciform finned missiles look lethal, even just hanging there. Every inch a thoroughbred, streamlined robotic killer that once fired would single-mindedly fly itself to its own and its victim's bitter end.

Jack treats the other Sidewinder to the same care, then looks on the underside of the fuselage where the two Sparrow missile training rounds hang - two utterly benign versions of the powerful real thing. He pats one of the Sparrows, chuckles good-humoredly. It is not a real fighter pilot's choice: the Sparrow would be engaged long before you could see your opponent, when he is just an emerald blip on the onyx black radar screen. The Sidewinder is a knight's weapon, to be drawn when you can see each other. A lance to be thrust into the enemy's heart.

Jack signs for the aircraft, ascends the ladder to the cockpit and drops himself into the seat. The ground crew set about strapping him in. Helmet on, the heat starts to build and everyone is keen to get going. Jack glances to his left. Paul is perfectly in synch, his ground crew removing the ladders to safety. Checks completed and exactly on schedule Jack's two engines start to spool up, one after the other, a dull growl after a brief spin announcing the burners igniting, gathering pace until the familiar healthy whine emits behind him. Paul's engines add to the cacophony in the close space. The ground crew remove the umbilical and the aircraft sit, screaming in their shed, taught with expectancy and purpose.

The streamlined and transparent canopy drops elegantly and seals Jack in, immediately muffing the noises inside his helmet and the AC kicks in. The navigation systems and avionics checked, Jack calls in.

"Tower, Echo Two Two, ready for taxi".

"Echo Two Two, clear taxiway Delta, to hold at Delta Three, runway Two Seven, left". Jack reads back the clearance and nods to Paul in the Eagle alongside. They are effectively a pair of conjoined twins, where one is cleared, so is the other.

The engine note on Jack's Eagle rises, the stiletto nose pokes out of the shelter, a scimitar edged shadow sliding along, tracing her curves as the aircraft slithers into the blazing morning sun. She nods her head briefly as Jack checks the brakes, then swings onto the taxiway, followed obediently by Paul in his Eagle. Ahead of them are two A6 Intruders, two A10 Warthogs and seemingly a sea of F16s, their fins poking out of their combined engine heat haze like shark fins breaking the water. A large CH53 Helicopter taxies past on a parallel taxiway, dust and sand moving in swathes, and Jack's Eagle vibrates as the monster's sound waves strike it.

Jack looks at the scene with a little awe and smiles to himself. _Ennis, if only you could see this, babe! I wish I could show you… Maybe one day._

Another ten minutes of lining up and finally their clearance comes.

"Echo Two Two, clear to take off. Runway Two Seven left, wind two four zero at eighteen knots. Depart as briefed".

Jack glances left over his shoulder at his wingman, sees the thumbs up and a grin to match, reads back the clearance and advances the throttle levers.

He's done it thousands of times but the adrenalin still seeps into his veins each time Jack slides his hands into the full throttle position. Behind him both engines obey, their own adrenalin pours into their veins. Jack releases the brakes and the Eagle perks up, starts to accelerate, engine nozzles glowing orange as the afterburners kick in. Paul matches him, within an inch of moving. A little back pressure on the stick and the nose wheel peels itself from the tarmac, the Eagle hesitates for a second, transferring her weight from one wheel to another before realizing what she is built for. Flight. She comes off, Jack holding her down for a second allowing the speed to build, then crisply pulls up into climb attitude. In to the clear blue sky.

Within a few seconds the two Eagles are climbing at 7500ft a minute and 250mph. The desert world recedes below and after three minutes the ground is three miles below. Jack eases off the climb to 5000ft a minute and calls in with the controller on board the Airborne Control Centre, a modified airliner packed with electronics, call sign MEDUSA.

Sat up this high, the curvature of the world is visible, the sky above dark and cold. The town of Linah acts as the south west corner of their patrol zone, and it passes below three times during the uneventful sortie. The northern most part is Nisab on the Saudi-Iraqi border, just 60 miles apart but some 250 miles long on a racetrack pattern. Jack leads his wingman to the west, coming up on Linah again, two hours and fifteen minutes into the sortie.

They are doing a good job with fuel burn and with another hour of the patrol and a flight idle descent, they should be back at the base with sufficient reserves. All is looking good. In fact, very quiet, the Iraqis haven't even sent a probe out to test reaction. Very dull.

"All stations, MEDUSA," crackles into Jack's helmet. "MEDUSA is returning to Kuwait base with a failed number three engine. All stations contact ground controllers."

_Ha! Well, in wartime that just wouldn't happen, would it? You'd have to stick it out with the three remaining good ones, buddy. But, hey, safety first, huh? _

Jack flips over his knee notes to confirm the ground control channel for the area. Not that he needs to, the numbers always stayed with him once his eyes have lain upon them, but he does it anyway, just in case, as he has been trained to do.

Jack's finger is over the transmit button to call in with his wingman, when the metallic voice of the controller comes in again.

"Echo Two Two, MEDUSA. Are you still on this channel?"

_Oops, what now?_ "MEDUSA, Echo Two Two, affirm. Pass your message"

"Echo Two Two, we are now heading zero four zero, descending through flight level three eight zero with 280 track miles to run to our Kuwait base. This is the shortest distance, but takes us close to Iraq airspace. We have just identified two indistinct contacts inside Iraqi airspace, one hundred and twenty miles north of you, near As Salman. Heading south. Speed six fifty knots. Can you shadow?"

Jack swings his Eagle in a smooth right turn to meet the threat head on but doesn't accelerate. Now traveling towards the border just forty miles away Jack realizes that he and Paul would beat the targets to the border and would have to turn first. And the last thing he wants is to turn his back on hostiles. Not wanting to up the ante Jack doesn't lock onto the targets, just watches them on the radar screen.

_They may even think this is just the turn at the end of the normal sweep._

"Echo Two Two, MEDUSA. We have the contacts climbing now, passing 15000ft. No IFF. Radar emissions appear hostile. Rate of climb about 25000ft per minute."

"Christ, they have a perfect view of us against the cloudless sky" mutters Jack to himself.

_MIG 29s. Must be, with that sort of sustained climb rate. And they'd probably carry ACRID missiles with a range of at least 50 miles. And I have two delightful Sparrow training rounds to wave at them._

A tone emits in his earpiece. Shit, one of the hostiles has targeted him.

"MEDUSA, Echo Two Two. They're painting and locked on to us."

Jack's heart beat accelerates faster than his mount. It's just a game he is sure, but he doesn't like the idea of heading straight at a hostile with… what? _Impotency, that's what!_ Jack locks the Eagles attack system onto both hostiles and orders Paul to do the same. The ante is well and truly up now.

He comes left a shade to avoid closing in too fast, now heading straight for Rafha, seven miles below, setting a trap for the MIGs. If they follow into the corner of their airspace they would have to turn, one way or the other, and would lose the encounter. Fifty miles, already inside the range of the MIGs' missiles, 3 minutes until visual, now they are evenly distanced from the border.

Jack springs and turns in to meet them head on. They are in a triangle of airspace, they would have to turn. Thirty miles... He accelerates and pushes the intercom button.

"MEDUSA, Echo Two Two. Canceling exercise duties. On task."

As if they needed telling. MEDUSA is descending 110 miles to the East, her number three engine lifeless.

The tone in Jack's ear shuts off and the blips on the screen turn left, through south and hard on east, stop climbing. They are converting their climb into a horizontal flight and start to open a gap on Jack. He swings onto an easterly heading, but much slower from his earlier tactic.

Jack kicks the afterburners on and starts after the MIGs. He is just one mile to the south of the Iraqi border, the MIGs one mile north and now they are 12 miles apart, four deadly metal birds of prey streaking along opposite sides of an imaginary fence.

Nisab slides underneath and Jack sees the trap: the injured MEDUSA is heading for Kuwait and will pass within five miles of the Iraqi corner. The two MIGs head for the same place flat out and Echo-22 is chasing without the ability to change anything or at least to drive them off. Unless they get inside his Sidewinders' range. Jack decides to trade height for some extra speed.

Eight miles. Now he can actually see the bastards, specs but no doubt. Looking behind he sees their two Eagles painting two huge contrails against the blue of the sky. _So there's no doubt they can see us_. Both F15s are flat out, just over Mach 2, shuddering as they blast through pockets of turbulence.

A growling tone starts in Jack's ear as his two Sidewinders acquire a target. That will get their attention.

_Jesus, why is that we are so slow to catch up with these bastards? Aren't MIGs supposed to be inferior to F15s' in speed? What the fuck's going on here?_

"Shit, Echo Two Two, MEDUSA, the hostiles have locked us!" The controller's voice is noticeably worried.

Christ, Jack can see them now, their afterburners glowing, can just make out the twin fins of the MIGs 29s. Three miles in front, fifteen to the corner airspace, MEDUSA is locked and well inside the range of the MIGs' missiles. Just two miles ahead now the MIGs hurtle towards the corner airspace, straight at MEDUSA.

"Echo Two Two, over the border. They've crossed the fucking border!" The controller is practically shouting now.

"Christ, MEDUSA... Who me, or the MIGs? Echo Two Two"

"Them, for fuck sake! The MIGs!"

Jack's trigger jerks, dispassionately. A glow appears in his left peripheral vision, then a white rod streaks away on a chariot of steam, knifing its way towards the right hand MIG.

"Echo-22, Fox Two." Jack announces on the radio to confirm the launch, his tone flat.

The left hand MIG breaks away hard left. Jack slams the afterburners off, rolls his Eagle left and pulls hard back, screaming keeps his blood flowing as the g-meter passes 8G, his eyesight starts to grey out, the G-suit grips his thighs tightly, preventing the blood flowing away.

A lock on growl starts in his ears, the MIG has half rolled and is pulling into a vertical descent.

Jack stabs wildly at the trigger, sending the second Sidewinder out and away, tries to keep his voice under control.

"Echo Two Two, Fox Two!"

The trail of white steam streaks after the diving MIG that trailing white wingtip vortices as it pulls hard to avoid being caught.

The missile is right on the edge of the launch envelope, its wings almost stall as it chases the heat source in front of it. Two heat flares sputter from the MIG. The missile jinxes briefly, homes in on the tail of the target and slides past several feet below, just four seconds after launch, the proximity fuse detonates, but the high G of the turn carries the blast fragments below the target. A miss.

Jack continues his left roll all the way round. Somehow Paul has stayed back in echelon port throughout the whole thing, so they come back upright and are presented with the cinematic widescreen view of a twin finned MIG being pursued by the first Sidewinder steaming across a vast blue canvas.

"Echo Two Two, MEDUSA. Disengage! Christ, we have IFF signatures from the hostiles! Disengage!"

Jack doesn't answer but watches, detached, as everything happens, in slow motion.

The first MIG enters a right hand turn, attempting to turn into the missile, a heat flare dispenser firing off, the aircraft streaming glowing egglettes, them falling behind too fast, the Sidewinder only briefly deterred. After twenty three seconds of flight time the missile blossoms a small black flower in the starboard engine of the target. A perfect launch.

A gush of orange flame vomits from the smashed engine and the MIG pitches up from the shock and decelerates violently.

Jack continues to close in rapidly. Something is terribly wrong... Wrong shape... Twin fins, two engines, single seat, big wings...

_Jesus Christ,_ _it's an_ _Eagle!.._

Jack looks in horror as the right hand tail of the aircraft fails and folds up, carries away the starboard fin. The crippled Eagle pitches itself up, titanic forces on her wings snapping them off like matchsticks. She folds and goes down, a single enormous flame five times her own length like a regal coattail behind her as fuel spills from the aircraft's disintegrating heart.

* * *

_Soundtrack: I Saved The World Today, Eurythmics_

* * *

**A/N:**

***CAP** - Combat Air Patrol

***Wingman**. CAPs are always operated in pairs, one looks after the other.

***RAF**: Royal Air Force, the UK Air Force

***RSAF**: Royal Saudi Air Force

***KC135**, is an aircraft that is used to refuel military aircraft in flight to extend their operating range. It is based on the old Boeing 707 passenger airliner.

***Tornado**: a family of two engine combat aircraft developed by UK, Germany and Italy

***Mach**: Mach number is a measure of speed of an object moving through air or fluid. Supersonic numbers are Mach 1.0 to Mach 5.0 and hypersonic from Mac 5.0 to Mach 10.0

***G and G-suit**: the expression "pulling G" refers to the forces encountered whilst performing energetic turns or aerobatics in an aeroplane. Everyone of us experiences a force of 1G (1 Gravity) whilst standing still on the ground. An aeroplane pulling out of a sharp dive will cause it to experience additional "G"; in this case its pilot will feel heavier. In high performance aeroplanes, such as fighters, it's possible to "pull" very significant "G", about 9 in the F15 Eagle. This poses some problems for the body, as the heart cannot pump blood against such a pull and the blood flows out of the head and into the legs. With the brain deprived of blood and oxygen, the vision starts first to go grey, then fails and if held long enough the pilot will become unconscious. The G Suit or more accurately _anti_-G suit is designed to help pilots to counter this situation. The G suit has strategically placed pneumatic bladders, these inflate and squeeze tight as the G increases and minimize the amount of blood that can flow into the lower body, delaying the onset of grey or black out in the pilot.

* **The Sidewinder AIM-9** is a "fire and forget" missile. The missile has a heat seeker that homes in on the source of heat. The missile emits a tone when switched on that is audible through the pilot's helmet. In use the pilot points the weapon at the target and the missile emits a growl when it starts to acquire a target, as the missile gets more confident of a hit the growl changes to a higher pitched tone. The missile is independent of the aircraft once launched and will carry on until it runs out of fuel, even then it's still lethal as it will carry a fair glide at Mach3, and will continue to attempt to home until it's falling.

***Sparrow Missile**. The Sparrow is an Air to Air Missile (AAM), in Beyond Visual Range combat. The version in this account is the AIM-7M, introduced in 1982 with a range of 62 miles (100km). When in use, the launch aircraft identifies and 'illuminates' the target with its own radar, the missile then rides this beam to the target. Success requires that the launch aircraft holds a 'lock' on the target for the duration of the missile's flight.

***Inert training round**. This is a dummy missile fitted to an aircraft for training purposes. It has no launch capability, but simulates the combat up to the point of firing. The pilot still 'locks the target up' and the systems behave as though the missile is real. In the case of the Sparrow, the lock is held for the theoretical duration of the missile's flight time. At Mach 4, an AIM-7M will cover 58 miles in around 85 seconds.

***A6 Intruders** are bombers but some have the ability to refuel other aircraft in flight, although not to the extent of a KC135.

* The **Kfir** is an indigenous Israeli built fighter aircraft based around the French Mirage III airframe. A number were bought by the US to use in combat training to give pilots the experience of coming up against different opponents. The Kfir is supersonic and capable of mounting an array of modern missiles.

***ELINT** - Electronic Intelligence, an airborne command post that gathers information, some on its own, other relayed to it. It tracks all events in the battle area.

***IFF** - Identification Friend or Foe.


	16. Chapter 16

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**3:30 p.m. Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

Ennis got off the parking lot of The Windmill, turned toward the M6 roundabout when his cell phone rang. He almost jumped out of his skin, the car wiggled, almost crossed into the wrong lane. It was just lucky that there was not a car in sight at that exact moment.

_Christ, Ennis, calm down, will you, if you still want to see Jack… one day!_

He slowed down, scanning the road for a place to park, right hand plugging the earpiece hanging on the wire over his neck into his ear. _It had to be Jane. Please, let it be Jane!_

"Hello? Jane? Jane, is it you?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end, then Jane's voice crackled in tentatively, slightly breaking by the unsteady connection.

"How are you, Ennis? Haven't talked to you for a while, have I?"

"Jane, thank God, Jane! I'm so glad to hear from you, you have no idea! Please, hold on for a sec, I have to park somewhere. Am driving. Please don't hang up, Jane! Just hold it. Please?"

Ennis knew he was sounding pathetic, but couldn't care less. He _was _desperate and was planning to let Jane know damn well about. To beg her to tell him where Jack was.

"Alright, Ennis, I am holding. Be careful, dear."

Jane's voice was affectionate, as he'd remembered from the times when they had chatted, in person or on the phone, regularly.

He turned off Chester Road into Pickmere Lane, droved for about a hundred yards and onto the grassy opening on the side of the road, cut off the engine.

"Jane? You still there? Okay, am parked now… How have you been?"

He suddenly remembered his manners. And breathing. _Breathe, Ennis!_

"I'm fine, Ennis, thank you. Now, take a deep breath, will you? I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Ennis could hear a smile in her voice. Suddenly he was not sure where to start, asking her about Jack, telling her that he might have figured out, why Jack had disappeared.

Perhaps he hesitated for a little too long because Jane was back on line, prompting.

"Ennis? You still there? So, you wanted to talk to me. About Jack, right? Ed said you …"

"I know why he'd disappeared, Jane. " He blurted out and stopped. Well, that was not an entirely accurate statement, if he was to be completely honest.

"You do? He forced me to swear on his mother's grave that I wouldn't even mention his name to you… When did you see him?" Jane was obviously surprised.

"Well, he told me bits of it, when I last saw him in Chiang Mai, almost two years ago. I've just figured out the rest… I think. But why didn't he want me to know, Jane? Why? Well, okay, I suppose I know how he thinks, but still… He could have told me… "

Ennis trailed off, realizing he was sounding like a friggin child whose favourite toy had been taken away, all upset and forlorn. _Christ, Ennis, grow up! Be a man!_

"That's exactly why he didn't want _me_ to tell you, Ennis."

"What do you mean?" Ennis was confused.

"Because he wanted to tell you himself. When it's all over. You see, the whole thing is rather… complicated, Ennis, and Jack thought he alone could, _should_ explain it to you. Himself."

"He did?"

"Of course he did, Ennis! I'd be surprised to learn one day that he's kept something from you, young man. Did you ever have a doubt about that?"

He didn't have a good answer to that, one that would not upset Jane. And Jack too, should he come to learn about Ennis's answer. He felt a hot flush slamming into his face, scorching the back of his neck and ears.

Jane had obviously read into his silence, for her voice was sad and resigned when she spoke up.

"Oh dear… Ennis, sometimes I despair at the two of you. You, men! I wonder what you two talk about all the time, if you don't talk about the most important things? The things that really matter? Ennis, I just have to ask you this: do you realize that you are the most important person to Jack, besides Bobby?"

"Did he tell you that?" He whispered then held his breath, biting hard on his lower lip, fighting to keep the fickle moisture from overflowing in his eye again.

"Gosh, Ennis, he didn't have to. You've been his hero ever since he met you, what, twenty years back? Didn't you know that? He came out for you, for Christ's sake. I dreaded that he never would, especially after he married that wannabe dancing girl of his. He was so scared of being gay. The bloody Twists made sure of that, damn them. But he did it for you, Ennis. Do you even understand what it mean coming from him?"

She sounded a little exasperated. With Ennis for sure, 'cause he had been such a fucking twit.

"I'm sorry." What else could he say?

Jane sighed. "It's alright, Ennis. I know so well how he can be sometimes, our Jackie. A lone, righteous knight on a white horse. The little prince who'll save the world from injustice and suffering. Just the stuff my dear idealistic sister brought him up with. I guess she's spoiled him a tad for the real world we're living in, Ennis."

There was a moment of silence and Ennis decided that it was time to ask the few questions that were bursting out of him.

"Jane, where is he now?" First thing first, he figured.

Jane hesitated before answering.

"Ennis, I'm sorry, I can't. I've promised… But I believe he will be in touch… Soon." She added quickly, trying to precede his disappointment with her answer.

Ennis almost groaned out loud. Jane was just another Sinclair he had to deal with, if he wanted to be around them for sometime. Like for the rest of his life, if he had a say.

"I suppose you can't tell me what really happened either, right?"

"Sorry, Ennis, as I said…"

He didn't wait till she finished.

"It's okay, Jane, I understand. How about _I_ will tell _you_ what I think happened and all you need to do is just say 'yes' or 'no'. It won't be _you telling me_ about it, will it? What do you say, Jane?"

She thought about it for a moment, then sighed. Maybe she felt sorry for Ennis, hearing all the despair and longing in his voice.

"Alright, tell me what you've figured out then, young man."

His heart soared. Ennis took one deep, quivering breath and started.

"Okay. I'll start from the beginning of the whole affair, then. When I saw Jack in Chiang Mai in January 2003, he told me what had happened at the war games in the Gulf, in September. That he'd been attacked, supposedly by Iraqi aeroplanes. It was a set up, wasn't it? To give us a 'just cause' to declare a war on Iraq. And Jack screwed it up by shooting down one of those _Iraqi 'plane_. Am I right thus far?"

"Go on then, Detective. I know as much about this part as you do, maybe even less. I won't be holding my breath waiting for my dear nephew to tell me about such things _before_ he tells you." She chuckled sadly.

"Okay then. If that assumption is correct, then the incident was bound to be classified as a national security matter. And Jack was probably shadowed? Questioned? Maybe even detained at some point? He disappeared twice actually. The first time shortly after the war games, after sending me a message saying that he was okay. Told me not to believe anything I read. But there was nothing in the news, Jane! Except for some gossips on the internet. So I was not sure what he had meant."

Jane was silent, so he went on.

"I think Jack had a confrontation of some sort with his father, at or right after the war games. Most likely because of him shooting down that bloody aeroplane. As a result, Jack went to Chiang Mai to find out the truth about his mother's death."

"You know that too?" She sounded surprised again, but only for a fleeting moment. "But then, why not? He would certainly tell you about it _first_..."

"Yeah, Jack mentioned on the phone before he went off to Thailand that it was related to his mother. But that was all he said at the time. Then in Chiang Mai, he told me about… that it was General Twist... How she died…"

He was not sure how he should word it, that harsh fact about Jack's parents. About Jane's sister's fate. She let it pass.

"It took me a considerable effort to get the whole story out of _my own_ good old friend… Jane, he was devastated. Totally crushed. I'd never seen Jack like that. Not even when his mother died."

"I know. I guess that was one of the reasons he went into a depression, poor sod."

There was a silence. Then Ennis took all his courage and ask the uncomfortable truth that had been burning holes in his heart like drops of acid.

"Jane, he was … on drugs. In a bad way… When I saw him in Chiang Mai…"

Ennis didn't want to remember the rest of the things Jack had been wallowing in. He was ready to forgive him and forget it.

"He was drugged, Ennis!" Jane objected immediately, her voice defensive. Protective, like a wild cat of her cub. "He would never do such a thing if he could help it. You know that, right?"

Ennis was lost. And instantly concerned.

"What d'you mean, drugged? Jane? For God's sake, please tell me! _Please_!"

Jane didn't answer right away, realizing that she had just spilled out what she was not supposed to. Then she sighsed wearily.

"Alright, Ennis. But promise me that Jack would never know about this, okay? Or I will never talk to you again, ever! You hear me?"

"Of course, Jane, I promise! I swear…"

"Okay, I take your word for that… Ennis, he was detained for some time. Possibly right after he'd messaged you that he was okay. Don't ask me where or by whom, I can only guess. I have no doubt that his bastard of a father was directly responsible for that. Jack doesn't remember much of it. Or possibly doesn't want to talk about it. Yet. But the reality is that Jack was in a very bad shape after those few of weeks. Heavily on drugs, both amphetamines and morphine, having problems with his memory, then in addition he went into depression after finding out about Mariel's death. I don't know what they did to him, but he was pretty much broken… He was raped too, Ennis… Oh God.…"

She was whispering at the end, horrified all over again and Ennis could hear tears in her voice.

Ennis went cold. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, to break something, to kill someone… Jack's fucking father, that who he wanted to kill. Always had. If he could only lay his hands on the son of a bitch.

He swallowed the huge sticky lump at the back of his throat, found his voice only from the second attempt.

"But how… how did he manage to sort things out to go to Thailand?.. After _that,_ in detention? Did you know about it back then, Jane? Did you help him?"

Ennis's head was spinning from all the craziness he was trying to simply process, forget about comprehending it yet.

"No, he didn't call me till after he saw you in Chiang Mai, Ennis. I think he realized then that he was hitting the bottom and reached out for help."

"He didn't want any of my help though… I could have helped him too…"

He knew he was whining like a girl, but couldn't find it in him to hold back. It hurt like hell.

"I know, Ennis. He's so damn frustrating with his 'I do it my way', isn't he? He didn't want any of my help either. Except for me to take Bobby out of reach of the Twists and sell his house. I had to blackmail him into telling me what had actually happened. He had no choice, so he gave me the gist of it. That's all. Then I flew to Vegas and brought Bobby back to Italy with me."

"I could help him too, somehow…". _For Christ sake's, Ennis! Why can't you just let it go!_

"Don't think you could, Ennis. Sorry, dear…" She was not saying something.

"Why not, Jane? I have friends in America. Reporters can be very helpful, you know."

"Maybe not in this case, Ennis. Not when you are dealing with the Twists… I was approached once. Got a call from an IRS agent asking how she could get in contact with Jack, in relation to the sale of his apartment in Dallas a few years ago. Then Bobby and I _and _Franco were shadowed for some time. But we have good security here, you know, bodyguards and all."

Jane didn't say it, didn't have to, as the message got across to him loud and clear: Jack didn't want them anywhere near Ennis; even if it meant that he had to fight his battle alone.

"What about Jack? Where did he go after Chiang Mai?" He whispered, resigned, feeling helpless like a little child.

"He stayed back in Thailand. Found a private rehabilitation clinique, on one of the islands near Phuket. They have pretty good cliniques there, you know, with all the drugs and tourists floating around. So he spent five months there recovering. Planning his comeback too, I suspect. It took me some time to find his whereabouts."

"He told you all that? About what happened to him?"

"You're kidding me Ennis? D'you _really_ think he would? C'mon, boy! Of course not. I… _obtained_ the information about our Jack's state of health from his clinique… It's not _that_ difficult in Thailand, as you probably know well…"

"Jane! You didn't! It's private…"

"Oh yes, Ennis, I did. How else do you suppose I could understand what's going on and help him? And that's why don't you dare letting him even suspect that you know about…_it_. About what I've just told you. Until he tells you himself. I'm sure he will. I know he wanted to. So, just be with him. That's all he needs for now, Ennis. Till he's ready to talk about it."

"But of course I will, Jane! Any time! Anywhere he would have me. But where? Where is he now?"

Jane sighed again, not as confident as she had been just a moment ago.

"I think he will call you. Soon. Maybe very soon. Just be patient for a little while longer, Ennis."

Ennis really groaned now and she added quickly, trying to soothe him the best she could over the phone and the distance separating them.

"Maybe even today…" She trailed off, again unsure.

"What?.." It suddenly dawned on Ennis. "He's in England, isn't he? Jane? Is he?"

"Should be… by now…" He could hear her fidgeting, caught between an iron and a hot place.

"In London? Carlisle? For Christ's sake, Jane, just spit it out already!"

"Carlisle. Should be there by now. He will call you. That's what he wanted… Anyway, I need to get going now, Ennis. Franco is waiting for me. We are going out tonight. Take care, my dear, drive carefully. And remember your promise! You didn't hear a word from me, alright?"

And she hung up.

Ennis stared through the front window of his car for a long while, oblivious to everything around, reliving things from the past. The things that had made his life exhilarating and complete. The things he had doubted at times but now knew that they had always been true.

…Like Jack's smile that Ennis could never resist. His arms that held Ennis like Jack had never wanted to let go. Like his eyes…

That never lied.

* * *

Soundtrack: (You Say It Best) When You Say Nothing At All, by Ronan Keating


	17. Chapter 17

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**6:00 p.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

The weather had been surprisingly welcoming since early in the morning, generous but velvety sunshine, soft autumn breeze rolling scatted pearly clouds across the sky of deep blue, and Jack took it as a good sign. Not that he believed in signs. He had been trained to believe in numbers. OK and maybe in gut feel too, from time to time. But definitely not signs.

_But then, what else do you have to go by when you suspect that the person who you are going to ask for forgiveness will likely point you to the door. Most probably he will. _

Jack could still see Ennis's face, his eyes, from their last meeting in Chiang Mai, wounded and resigned. Like it was the last straw for Ennis- Jack's refusal to tell him about the whole damn mess he'd been in. And on top of that he'd discovered that Jack had been shooting up heroin. Probably figured where he'd been getting it too, since Ennis had found him at one of such places in the first place. So if Jack's shutting Ennis out hadn't been that proverbial last straw, then the heroin, the gay bar- _and Chang, for Christ's sake!-_ would definitely had.

_That_ and the following twenty months of silence. Eighty five weeks. Five hundred and ninety seven days. Jack also knew it in hours and minutes but what did it matter? He suspected that by now Ennis had probably done what he'd said in Chiang Mai he'd wished. Because Jack with his stupid ass principles had been too much for Ennis. And he'd have been totally right to quit Jack.

Jane had been telling him that too, ever since his mother had passed away. That Jack had to grow up, to stop living in his imaginary world and shut his friends out. Meaning Ennis and herself. Because they were the only people Jack could rely on, like totally, after his Mum had gone. Because Ennis was so much more than 'just the best friend' to Jack, as Jack was to Ennis. She had figured _that one _out too, years ago. And what had Jack done then? He had been such a complete fricking coward and denied it. To her and also to himself. How he could possibly expect Ennis to put up with all that shit for so many years? He must have a nerve. Jack knew he owed it to his friend big time…

_No, Jack, you can't be a coward and hide behind these easy words forever, can you? He is not just 'your friend Ennis', not even 'your best friend Ennis'. Although he is all that too. Just say it, for Christ's sake, Jack fucking Twist! 'My love'. That's what he is to you: Ennis Del Mar, the love of your life! And don't you ever dare pretending that it is otherwise. Because it isn't! _

Jack sprawled out on the grass, not spring green any more but still lush and supple beneath him, put both hands under his head and sighed, feeling at home. It had to be a sign, all those little things - the sun, the breeze, the turning leaves like multicolored confetti against the bottomless blue. A good sign. So maybe, just maybe, he'd be granted what he wanted so bad? No, he _needed _it. Like breathing this air that was still laced with smells of a late summer.

All Jack needed was for Ennis to forgive him and remain his friend, even if he had already moved on. Which was what, Jack suspected, had most certainly happened. It would hurt like hell, for sure. Like nothing had before. Not even him finding out the truth about the death of his mother. Or the few weeks in the high security detention center he had been put through after the war games, two years ago.

Jack tried not to think about those few weeks, to put them away. For the time being. He knew it was not coping, like his shrinks had been telling him. But as he had told first Dr. Chang, his friend 'Vee' Chang's father, back at his clinique in Thailand, and later Dr. Sherman in Fargo, North Dakota, that he had other priorities. And now that priority was Ennis.

So Jack resolved he would gratefully take anything Ennis would be willing to give him. Anything at all. Because he knew that he _had to_ have Ennis in his life. At least as his friend. Then Jack would be able to cope with… anything… he hoped.

And for Ennis to forgive him, Jack thought he'd have to tell Ennis about… _the whole thing_. Everything. Including those few weeks he had been coping with by trying not to think about. Because it meant that Jack would have to admit that he had been… damaged. Completely… in his spirit, his head… his body…

Jack closed his eyes, trying to hold on to the colors of the late afternoon in his mind to ease the pain of the hell he was about to open his memory to.

**O**

**O O**

_**Memories From Hell: September 2002 – August 2004**_

_What Jack would always remember about the war games incident was the feeling that had engulfed him as he watched in horror as the crippled aircraft collapsed onto itself and went down. It was like the sense of reckoning, of comprehension on the judgment day. As if in that single moment Jack's eyes had suddenly opened and he'd seen the truth - naked, unsettling. That he, Jack Twist and the likes of him, had been trained to destroy. To kill. Without posing to think of the purpose. _

_OK, so he'd known in theory what military, the air force including, was all about. That's why Jack's mother and Jane too had been against him being sent to the Air Force Academy when he was just a naïve teenager. Yet, later he'd managed to persuade himself that it would never come to that, that he'd never have to participate in military conflicts. That there wouldn't be any war after the First Gulf War. And all Jack would be doing was flying with the Thunderbirds. And then maybe flying as a test pilot afterwards._

_He had been so completely and utterly delusional, he realized in that moment of reckoning. And that Jane had been right all along. _

_She had been so disappointed with him when he'd told her that he'd joined the Air Force after all. And so had Ennis. Although unlike Jane, Ennis hadn't said anything. He hardly ever did when it came to Jack's decisions, accepting everything Jack wanted. Even when it hurt him bad. Like that time, when Jack told him about the Air Force, he could see it. But that was before, many years before._

_On that day in the Gulf, Jack came down from the last deadly flight of his a different man. Like he had finally grown up and opened his eyes to see the real life. To see himself. A perfect thinking machine trained to destroy on a reflex. Even if that reflex was self protection. But was it? He hadn't even had time to think about it twice. A thought, however, crossed his mind, when he was touching down the ramp, that his father would in no doubt be proud of him. _

_But even then he had been so wrong. That Jack found out too, an hour later, in a bare, concrete floored debriefing room at their Saudi base. _

_Jack was so shell shocked by the incident that he just sat there in the cockpit of his aircraft, letting his ground crew unstrap him, then help him out and down, barely responding to their uneasy questions. He had no doubt they had heard about the incident already, but nobody mentioned anything about it._

_There were two covered Jeeps waiting for him and Paul right next to where they had been instructed to park, at the end of an old runaway at the far north end of the base. The two of them were escorted to the Jeeps, one to each, whisked away the moment their feet touched the ground._

_Jack never saw his wingman again. _

_Well, he never saw most if not all of his co-pilots after that incident, for that matter. _

_Except two of them – his Squadron's Commander Lt. Col. Hendricks and one of the Thunderbirds reserve pilot whom Jack knew but had never hung out with. The two acted as witnesses at his discharge hearing later on. On the grounds that Jack had been 'openly exhibiting homosexual behavior'. But Jack was too broken by that time and on drugs that kept him strangely passive and lightheaded during the whole charade to care what they were saying about him. About what they would do about him. All he wanted was to be left alone. To crawl up into a dark corner and go to sleep. For as long as he could. Maybe even forever. _

_But that was afterwards. After the few weeks in a detention center, Jack didn't know where. And he didn't remember exactly how long he had spent there either. Tried to block it from his thoughts too. But then again, it was afterwards, when he was brought back to the US. _

_Right then, after their landing, Jack went through a different kind of hell. His personal own kind. In the form of a very pissed off John Twist Senior. _

_He burst into the debriefing room fifteen minutes after Jack had been brought there, stopping at the door for a moment, turning to whoever was following him, blocking them from the door._

"_I'm taking this over. You can turn the recorder off now." _

_Then he turned to Jack, shutting the heavy steel door behind him with a loud clunk. Once it was shut, Gen. Twist took a few quick strides towards Jack, who had been standing to attention by the large metal desk, and pushed Jack back hard, onto his chair, hissed in his face._

"_What the fuck you think you doin', you little pansy assed faggot? Didn't you get your orders to get the fuck out of that sector?"_

_Jack swallowed hard, tried to shut off the hurt that was threatening to overwhelm him, took a deep breath. He had always suspected that was what his father had thought of him, but now he finally knew for sure. Now the truth was out in the open, staring Jack down in his face._

"_What do you mean, sir? I was on CAP and we were requested to shadow MEDUSA to our Kuwait base, sir…"_

_His father cut him off, contempt dripping from his tone. _

"_You were told to call the ground control center, weren't you? You were all told to get your asses out of that sector!" He shoved Jack hard on his shoulders. "Aren't you trained to follow your orders, soldier?"_

"_Yes, sir. But they were coming from the Iraqi airspace and attacked us. Attacked MEDUSA…" _

"_That's none of your fucking business, dickhead!" _

_The old man was practically shouting now. Jack couldn't remember seeing him that pissed off for a long time. Not that they had been seeing each other often for the last twelve years. Since his mother's passing and Jack's refusal to apply to the Air Force Academy. That's when Jack had seen his father _that_ pissed._

"_They were doing what they were told and you were supposed to do the same! What you are told, not what _you_ think is fucking _righteous_!" He spitted the word like it was something disgusting. "Can you ever learn that, you stupid fucker?"_

_The hurtful words burnt Jack's insides like venom, but he tried his best to keep cool. In line._

"_But sir, they were not supposed to be on the other side…"_

"You_ were not supposed to be there, moron! How the hell you happened to be there anyway, with no refueling facilities? Everybody else was burnt and went back." _

"_I reduced fuel burn on the climb precisely because I knew our refueling assets were minimal, sir. So, I still had enough for an hour and ten minutes by the time I engaged them."_

_Judging by the look on his father's face Jack thought it was not what the old man had expected. He was quiet for a few seconds, then asked, sounding curious. Just a hint of it._

"_How in the hell did you manage to pull that one off?"_

"_I cancelled the reheat as soon as we were safely off the deck, sir. Then I climbed at the minimum rate required to get us on station, at the right height and time. I try not to waste a single drop, if I can help it. It's just what I do, sir. Fuel you've blown out of your tailpipe is no use to anyone…Just hot air after the event...sir." Jack shrugged._

"_I'll be damned…"_

_Gen. Twist looked at Jack, wide eyed, not hiding his surprise and something else. Like he was seeing Jack for the first time._

_"Never thought you'd have enough brain for that sort of things, the likes of yer…Your mother thought you were pretty clever. I think you're just like her, only have enough brain to fuck things up for others. That's all you're good for, pansy ass."_

_He spitted on the floor with disgust._

_And Jack lost it._

"_You shut up about my mother, you bastard! You don't deserve a minute of her time! Never did! I wish she had realized that much earlier." _

"_And maybe rightly so, if that would have gotten her what _she_ deserved much earlier too, 'I'd have happily obliged! Any time!" The general shot back from the hip, then stopped dead, realizing what he had just said and potential implications._

_Jack froze. He stood there for a long while, mouth agape, looking at his father in horror and disbelief._

_The senior Twist probably saw something in Jack's eyes because he suddenly turned away and headed towards the exit. He turned to face Jack again at the door, his hand already turning the door knob, eyes not meeting Jack's._

"_You are to remain in these quarters and will go back to your base with a special transport. I hope you understand it with your pansy assed piece of brain that you are not to discuss anything that happened with anyone. I repeat, 'anyone'. Including your Squadron Commander. You will be debriefed upon return to your station."_

_And he was gone, leaving Jack stunned, grappling with a suspicion that was descending on him like a cold, black, suffocating blanket._

_The next few months of his life was something Jack tried to avoid thinking about. And dealing with, as his shrinks kept telling him. He just needed more time. For things to heal, for the nightmares to stop waking him up at night, covered in cold sweat. Truth was, he didn't quite remember them all that clearly. They were just nightmares that he couldn't quite recall in the morning. Didn't want to either. _

_What he did remember though, but didn't tell Dr. Sherman, was what had taken him through that hell. His fixations. First, it had been the suspicion about his mother's death that Gen. Twist had planted in Jack's mind with his furious, thoughtless retort. It had been Jack's beacon, if somewhat twisted, during the weeks he spent in detention, in the state he had been maintained. On some drugs, several of them, injected daily, that kept him awake, but passive and high, so blessingly high. Mostly solitary. Except for the nights when he was not alone, far from it. But Jack refused even to think about them, let alone talk. The only thing he tried hard to come to grips with, after that hell had suddenly ended, one day with his discharge hearing, was that he'd been… broken. _

_Jack didn't know how and why, but his stubborn assed determination to find out the truth about his mother had somehow pulled him back together. Not much, but enough for Jack to be able to think things through. Like arranging the flights to Thailand. Like calling Ennis. From a payphone. Like watching his words with his hazy mind's eye to keep his best friend in the dark. Out of it, like altogether. Ennis surely didn't need all that shit Jack had been swamped up to his eyebrows lately. _

_In the end, Jack had found what he'd been looking for, in Chiang Mai. Only to be shattered to pieces by the truth. So, Jack had given up._

_Until Ennis found him in a gay bar. Challenged him. Cared for him. Held him close to his heart._

_Said that Jack was too much for him and sometimes Ennis wished he could quit him. _

_Somehow those words and the heartbroken look in Ennis's eyes, standing in the middle of a hotel room in a foreign country, having traveled all that way to look for Jack, all that had snapped Jack back to reality. Made Jack realize that there were people who would be as shattered as he was if he took an easy way out and let go. People like Ennis. Like his little son Bobby. Who would be left all alone in this frighteningly cruel world. No doubt Jane too. Jane, who had always treated Jack as her own son. Especially after the death of her twin sister. _

_So it had become Jack's new obsession: how to keep those who were the most important to him safe and… unhurt. By him or by anyone else who might even think about it. Like his fucking bastard of a father. Who might get real worried if he found out that Jack had gone to Chiang Mai and worse still if he knew what Jack had discovered._

_And the only thing, Jack figured, that would keep that bastard and his big brother Ron in check was the truth about them that Jack had discovered. So if Gen. Twist liked to play games, Jack would show him that he could play games well too, faggot or not. And the Chiang Mai file would be his Ace. _

_But to set up his game, Jack needed help. To clear the battle field of potential targets for collateral damage. So, he called Jane. Who after blackmailing him into giving her at least the gist of what had happened and been going on, agreed to take Bobby out to Italy with her. It took Jack much more effort to persuade her not to tell Ennis about… anything!_

_She disagreed. Said Ennis needed to know. Because he cared for Jack. And he could help too, being in the news trade and all. She almost managed to sway Jack, but in the end he persisted. Jane could protect herself and Bobby, Ennis couldn't. Not in a game with the Twist family, she should know it better than anyone. That's when she tried her last card: said Jack couldn't do it to Ennis yet again, disappearing without a word for God knows how long. So, Jack had no choice but to admit that he simply couldn't deal with Ennis knowing about his condition and what had happened to him. Not just yet. He needed time, but he didn't have time just then. Jane had nothing to say to that and let go._

_Jack had actually been quite surprised and enormously relieved that they hadn't found out about him and Ennis and used it as evidence in his discharge farce. So, he had been right after all to keep their relationship out of America. Even if he could see that it'd hurt Ennis. In the end, it turned out handy – Gen. Twist's hounds hadn't looked outside of their little back yard. And if they didn't know about it, Jack was determined to keep it that way, if he could help it. Even if it meant shutting Ennis out completely. Till Jack was sure all of them were off the Twist brothers' hook. For the rest of their lives. That's what Jack wanted. _

_And that was what he got in the end._

_Well, almost._

_At a closed hearing at the Sheppard Air Force Base, Maj. Gen. John Twist was reprimanded for 'negligence in planning a military exercise resulting in loss of personnel and equipment' and recommended immediate voluntary retirement. For reasons of national security the case remained classified. _

_Cap. John 'Jack' Twist's discharge was not reverted. _

_But Jack didn't give a damn. He was done with the Air Force. What he got from the Twist brothers was more important to him, a thousand times over. A deal. That they would stay away from Jack and those he cared and Jack would keep the Chiang Mai file to himself. In many copies, at various locations and with appropriate instructions on how to use them. Just in case. _

_So with all that taken care of, his only wish left was for Ennis to forgive him. For disappearing without a word for years yet again. He had been praying to all gods he didn't believe in that Ennis would... _

**O**

**O O**

**6:15 p.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

... _That_ he was going to find out real soon. Maybe tomorrow. When Jack would gather enough courage to call Ennis and ask to see him somewhere. Anywhere. He would be there as fast as his rented Ferrari would take him.

Jack had even brought with him the most precious thing he'd got left, as a token of atonement. It was something his mother had told him once, when he was a child and had offered to give his nanny a toy he didn't want any more, as a farewell gift.

"_You don't give people who you truly care for things you don't need any more, Jackie. You give them things you want to keep for yourself the most. And if you can't really give it to them, then let them know that you are willing to share."_

Somehow those words of hers had stayed with Jack and he had always tried to live by them. And now he secretly hoped that Ennis would understand his gesture. Because it was truly the last, most cherished thing Jack had to share with Ennis. Like he always had, ever since they first met twenty one year ago... Well, if Ennis was still willing to share anything at all with him, after all the shit Jack had put him through.

So the beautiful balmy day he had been basking in just _had_ to be a good sign after all. Jack wanted so much for it to be…

"Daddy, Daddy! Where _are_ you? Come here, Dad!.."

Bobby's excited voice barged in Jack's worries and prayers, drew a soft, little smile on his lips. He sat up with a quivery sigh, folded his long legs, getting up from the grass.

"Right here, Bobby! I'm coming, son."

* * *

_Soundtrack: Baby Can I Hold You Tonight, by Ronan Keating._


	18. Chapter 18

**Title:** Summertime Dreams

**Author:** Red2Blue

**Pairing: **Jack/Ennis

**Genre: **AU/AU

**Disclaimer: **the names of the characters are not mine, as are some lines and references throughout the story. I am just borrowing them to create a different world with different dreams, because they are beautiful!

**Warnings:** mild angst

**Synopsis**: Ennis has decided to give up on Jack, his American best friend and lover for many years. Jack disappeared one day around two years ago, having promised Ennis to be in touch. He never did and Ennis has finally had enough of it. Has he really?

Comments and feedback would be most appreciated. Thank you all!

* * *

**Chapter 17**

**Around 6:00 p.m., Saturday, September 18th, 2004**

By quarter to six Ennis was within ten miles from home. Normally he would turn off from M6 on to A590, then to A591 on his way to Bass, sometimes he'd even take smaller, scenic routes to gradually immerse himself in the spirit of the Lake District after the hectic life of the metropolis he lived in London. But today Ennis was in a hurry to get to his final destination and… He was not sure yet what he would do once he got home though. He only knew that he had to do something. To talk to Jack. To find him, in the first place.

Ennis was still grappling with what he had learnt in the past- _what, not even twelve hours yet?_ Since he got up that morning. And during that short period of time, his life of the last two years had been turned inside out, and then upside down, too.

Turned out he'd been put to test during those two years, together with his trust, his loyalty, his love. And Ennis had failed. Almost.

Even his love, which he had learnt the hard way that it would unlikely ever change, even his love hadn't been strong enough to hold Ennis firm and unwavering. Waiting for his man, the only one Ennis had ever wanted, to come back to him. Like he'd said he would. Ennis felt deeply shamed, now that he knew the reason for Jack's silence. He hoped he could win Jack's forgiveness for doubting in him. He would beg if he had to. Ennis was not above begging, with all the guilt and anxiety about Jack's state that he was sweltering in now.

...

"_Do you even realize that you are the most important person to him, besides Bobby?... You have been his hero ever since he met you… Didn't you know it?" _

_..._

_No, Jane, so sorry, but somehow he missed it all, Ennis fucking Del Mar, the most stupid dickhead you've ever met! Jesus Christ, Ennis, how did it happen that you failed to see all those little things for what they really were? Have always been…_

_..._

…'_Ennis, you are so much better than me!' _

…'_Ennis, am so proud of you!' _

_..._

_And what about all those things Jack has been giving you over the years, ever since you both were just kids? Like all his most favourite little things? Things that you still have for keeps after all these years?_

Ennis cut a quick glance at the battered box nestling on his passenger sit, sighed unhappily. With himself. Hadn't he been driving on the freeway, he would have stopped, opened the box and go through those things again, one by one, like he'd been doing… often.

_What about his dreams, Ennis, the ones he gladly shared with you? How could you forget those? How? You are one ungrateful, self-centered bastard, Ennis, that's what you are!_

...

… '_He came out for you, for Christ's sake!…'_

…'_I love you, Ennis'… _

...

Ennis groaned out loud, hit his forehead with the edge of his palm, eyes never leaving the tail of the car in front of him. He would have done something more drastic to himself hadn't he been driving.

He had to find Jack somehow. But how? He had promised Jane that he wouldn't let Jack know that they had talked. Which meant that he was supposed to know _nothing_ about Jack's past two years, except for what Jack had told Ennis himself two years ago. And most importantly, he wasn't supposed to know that Jack was in England. So how he was going to find Jack, again?

Ennis was beginning to regret that he'd promised Jane to keep his mouth shut. How was he going to beg Jack to forgive him, if he wasn't supposed to know… anything? How was he to behave when he'd see Jack in the first place? He couldn't pretend that the past two years hadn't happened. And more importantly, that he hadn't been about to quit Jack, barely nine hours ago. On the other hand, neither he could just be with Jack, hold him and kiss him better, like Jane had told him to, – _well, if Jack even let you touch him after your confession, twit! – _as if he hadn't… _what?_ Ennis didn't know anymore.

Christ, why was it always such an agony figuring out what to say, how to behave every frigging time they were about to see each other, after a long separation? He really had to do something about it, so that it wouldn't happen again. Especially the long separations.

_Dead on, stupid! Now you are talking. That's what you're going to work on, full time! Not fucking sitting around, mopping, waiting till it happens again._

Yeah, right. The moment he'd found Jack, somehow…

...

The sun was sliding into the lake on the left, brushing copper and deep pink over its water and the sky, when Ennis reached the last junction before home and had to make a quick decision of where he wanted to go. He didn't want to go home just yet, in case Junior and Alma were waiting for him there, with their carefully nonchalant, we-are-not-asking-anything-you-don't-want-to-tell banter. On the other hand, it was still early to be going to Ed's too. Plus he was not ready to face Ed to be questioned either. Even if he was pretty sure that the said questioning would be by way of silence accompanied by intent sideway glances. Which he could always ignore if he chose to. Except he knew he couldn't this time. He owed it to Ed, at least an explanation.

So Ennis decided to take a walk to the Bass Manor's stables instead. To give himself some more time to think through what he was going to tell Jack when he saw him, now that he didn't have a choice but wait for Jack to call. He parked his car at the far end of the estate, took the narrow lane that lead to the back of the stables, hoping he wouldn't run into anyone he knew.

He was lucky. The area seemed to be deserted at that time of the day, with only faint, distant noises of human activities coming from the side of the mansion. Ennis headed towards the bench encircling the old oak on the far left side of the stables. The same old tree bench he and Jack had spent so many happy days hanging around, chatting, when they were just kids and Jack visited Bass with his Mum every summer. Ennis exhaled sharply, sat down and leaned back, pressing the back of his head against the rough bark of the tree. He closed his eyes for a minute, breathing in the air that still carried smells of a late summer…

"Hello, how are you?" A young, high-pitched voice asked to his left.

Ennis's throat constricted, heart missed two beats. For a moment he was stock-still, his eyes tightly shut.

_C'mon, Ennis, it's 'how are you', not 'who are you', stupid! _He forced himself to open the eyes and take a nervous look, forgetting to breathe.

A dark haired boy with a pair of huge, baby-blue eyes was standing a dozen of steps in front of him, smiling friendly, waiting patiently for Ennis's answer.

Ennis felt lightheaded. He had to be dreaming. _Please, don't be just a dream, please!_

It was Bobby. A couple of years older than in the picture Jack had shown him, beaming with pride, during their last summer together, but no doubt.

Ennis swallowed hard. "Bobby?" he rasped, his voice almost failing him.

Bobby's eyes went wide in surprise, but the smile stayed.

"Yes, sir. How do you know my name?"

"Name's Ennis. Your father's my-"

That was all Ennis managed to force out. But that was all that needed to set Bobby off. He was Jack's son alright.

"Really? You are _Ennis_? My Dad's friend Ennis Del Mar? You not kidding, are you?"

He stepped quickly up to Ennis, looking at him in wonder, almost breathless.

"It's totally awesome! I'm so glad to meet with you, Mr. Del Mar! Dad told me so much about you! You are a photojournalist, aren't you? Dad said you could teach me to take great photos too. Mr. Del Mar, would you?"

"Yes, of course, Bobby. Please call me Ennis…Where's…"

"OK, Ennis. Thank you, sir. Dad would be so glad to see you too! He won't believe it! He didn't know you were here. He said you're in London. I'll go get him. He's over there, snoozing on the grass. Please don't go anywhere, sir… Ennis! I'll be right back!"

Before Ennis could say anything sensible, Bobby turned around and sat running towards the range of the lilac bushes that separated the enclosure under the old oak tree from the meadow beyond, calling out as he ran.

"Daddy, Daddy! Where _are_ you? Come here, Dad!"

Ennis thought his heart would stop beating altogether when the painfully familiar voice called out from some distance behind the foliage 'right here, Bobby, I'm coming, son', followed by Bobby's over excited chatter.

"Dad, you won't believe this! Come, look who's here, too! It's Ennis, your friend Mr. Del Mar! He said I can call him Ennis... C'mon Dad, why you stopped? He's waiting there, c'mon! Daddy?"

The voice said something Ennis couldn't hear but it quieted Bobby down a little. It sounded like the boy was trying to protest in a loud whisper against whatever his Dad had just told him, his tone of voice getting a little whiney. Then apparently his Dad said something real quiet but firm, because after that the argument withered down into a heavy silence.

Ennis's brain-to-limbs coordination was failing him: he wanted to run after Bobby, to get an eye full and then just maybe he would get two arms full of the owner of that precious voice, to tell him that he missed Jack so much he could barely stand it. But Ennis's feet had suddenly taken roots and he couldn't make them move from where he was standing; only his pulse had accelerated like he was on the last few yards of the Olympic sprint.

It hadn't probably been a minute, but felt like the whole ten, when Jack finally stepped out from behind the bushes, walked towards Ennis slowly and stopped, uncertain, within a dozen yards.

He was alone.

Ennis eyes and mind went into overload in an instant as he tried to devour his lover visually, searching for any sign of any harm done, silently praying to find none.

Jack looked... just his old, usual self. There were faint shadows under his eyes and he looked a little tired, but he had filled out again since the last time Ennis had seen him. His body looked muscled and hard under a black linen blazer over a white shirt. Jack was sporting a few day stubble that made him look a touch older but so… goddamn sexy. Long as Ennis could remember, it had never really ceased to amaze him that this beautiful, free spirited person had wanted to be friends with him. Wanted Ennis and his love. He prayed to all gods Jack still did.

Suddenly Ennis realized with a start that the silence between them was growing a little too weighty and Jack's face was getting edgier, more uncertain with each passing second.

_Say something, don't just stare at him like that, you idiot!_

"Hello, Jack…" _Is_ _that all you can muster, dimwit? Gah! _

Ennis squeezed out a small, pleading smile. Where had all his carefully planned words gone?

Jack's face eased. Something like hope crept into his blue eyes that had always drawn Ennis like a stupid moth to the flame. He grinned right back at Ennis, his smile heartbreakingly trusting. Then Jack crossed the rest of the distance separating them and stopped again, within an arm length from Ennis, waiting. For Ennis's permission. For his acceptance. The way Jack always had.

A mighty surge of emotions washed over Ennis, almost blinding him for a moment. How in the bloody hell could it even enter into his fucked up mind that he would _ever _be able to live without this man? Ennis lurched forward and grabbed him into a bone crushing hug, aligning their bodies into a familiar snug fit. His eyes closed all by themselves and, just like that, Ennis was at home again.

"Ennisss…"

His name slipped between Jack's lips in the rush of a shuddering exhale, an odd little sound between a relieved sigh and a whimper. Jack was clinging to him, stepping on his toes, as if he couldn't get close enough to Ennis, couldn't get enough of him. Ennis knew the feeling so goddamn well.

"Little darling," he breathed out, palmed the base of Jack's head and stroked upwards, burying his fingers into the soft, thick hair. "Missed you so bad…"

Ennis's words triggered something in his friend. A heat wave crashed through Jack's body, scorching into Ennis's front. Jack pressed his nose and mouth into the side of Ennis's neck, just below his ear, inhaled deeply and started shaking, the embrace turning from affectionate and friendly to electrically charged with desire in a heartbeat.

Ennis was half carried away when he felt another presence, like they were being watched. He opened his eyes and froze.

Bobby was standing by the bushes, half hidden, watching them, wide eyed and… smiling, his smile happy and warm. Just like Jack's.

Ennis smiled back weakly at the boy, tried to unglue Jack from his body.

"Jack, Bobby is here, cowboy…" He said quietly but quickly, seeing as uncertainty started creeping back on Jack's face when Ennis pushed him back softly by the shoulders.

Jack jumped a little, turned around to face his son, but didn't pull away from Ennis altogether. Before he could open his mouth, Bobby stepped out from his hiding place and rushed towards them.

"Dad, Ennis! I'm so awfully glad we finally met! I was standing there thinking that maybe Ennis could train me to ride horses, too? Like you said he trained you, Dad? Ennis, would you agree, sir? I want to be as good as you. Better than Daddy even! Please, Ennis?"

Bobby stopped within a few yards, a contrite smile on his flushed face, looking hopefully from one man to the other. The two men just stood there, both flushed themselves, their shoulders and arms still touching, looking down at the boy, one delighted, but trying hard to fake a disapproving frown, the other with wonderment written all over his face and an overwhelming warm feeling that was threatening to rip his chest open.

"Bobby Twist, didn't I ask you to wait for me right where you were, till I call you?" Jack's tone was strict but calm. He made a step towards the boy and put his right hand on his shoulder. "I told you, I haven't seen Ennis for a long time and I need to talk to him in private first."

Bobby's smile dropped as he tried feebly to explain himself. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I just wanted so much to meet and talk more to Mr. Del Mar – Ennis, too."

He hung his head and was about to turn around to go back to where he had been told to wait, but Jack held him back with a sigh.

"It's alright, Bobby, you can stay since you are here already. Just don't scare Ennis off with all your questions and requests, please." He chuckled and tussled his son's hair.

"Oh, don't you worry about _that_, Bobby. I have lots of practice in this respect, trust me! You can ask me whatever you want, young man." Ennis had recovered enough to throw a wicked smirk his friend's way.

Jack rolled his eyes and shook his head, looking intently from Bobby to Ennis, just a hint of a grin curling the corners of his lips. His eyes were shining.

"Why I'm having this feeling that I'm gonna regret introducing you two, huh? You gonna gang up on me, aren't you?"

"We won't, Dad, I promise! But promise you'll let me go riding horses with Mr.… with Ennis. Maybe we can come back again tomorrow? Can we go riding tomorrow, Ennis?"

Bobby turned to Ennis. He was almost bouncing with excitement.

Ennis turned to Jack, immediately worried.

"You're not leaving just yet, are you, Jack? Where are you staying?"

"In Carlisle, at Jane's place. Didn't know you'd be here. I planned to call you tomorrow…" He paused for a moment, his face taking on a troubled expression. "I need to talk to you, Ennis… It's a long story, bud, and I'll have to ask you to…"

Ennis didn't let him finish. He knew he was the one who had the apologizing to do, not Jack. He just hoped he'd find a way to do it without letting Jane down.

"It can wait, Jack, I'm not going anywhere… I'm hoping you neither…" He added quietly, looking hopefully in Jack's eyes.

Jack's face brightened up. He shook his head vigorously.

"No! Bobby and I, we are planning to stay… For sometime…" He trailed off, not certain if he should say more.

There was an awkward pause, both men waiting for the other to say something, to offer a way forward, the boy looking expectantly from one to the other.

Finally, Bobby had had enough of waiting.

"Can we come visit with Ennis now, Dad? Can we, Ennis? We could go out for dinner together afterwards? Couldn't we?"

"Ennis might have other plans for tonight, Bobby. And you can't just drop on people whenever you like it, you know..."

Jack tried to sound firm and authoritative, but Ennis could see in his eyes that it was not Bobby's thought only.

"I'm having dinner at Ed's tonight. Junior and Alma will be there too..."

Jack's smile faded just a tiny bit, but he nodded quickly, understandingly.

"It's OK, Ennis. We will come back tomorrow. No worries, bud-"

"No, wait. I'm sure Ed would love to have you and Bobby over his place too, if he knew… If you care to join us, of course…"

Ennis was not entirely sure about the whole idea that had just dropped on him out of the blue, but he was not ready to let Jack go just yet. Not at all.

Apparently, neither was Jack, because he immediately jumped at the tentative invitation.

"Sure, we'd love to. Right, Bobby? If you sure Ed would be fine with us around."

"Yeah, that would be totally awesome! I've never been in an English cottage before. Uncle Ed is _your_ uncle, right Ennis? I'd love to meet with him too." Bobby was bouncing around them again.

"Alright, it's a deal then. I'll call Ed and tell him that you guys are here and will be coming over for dinner too. We can get some stuff from the hotel's kitchen, if needs be, right?"

Ennis winked at Bobby and smiled, relieved. Then after a moment of hesitation he asked:

"I say, would you mind getting over to my place first? I need to drop off some stuff. I'm actually on my way from London. Haven't got home yet… Well, just felt like dropping by here first, you know…" He added quickly, colour rising on his cheeks at the surprised look on Jack's face.

"Yeah, OK. Bobby and I'll have to walk back to the village square, though. I've felt my car there. We thought we'd take a long walk around here."

"Why don't you guys come in my car, Jack? You can pick up yours later, after dinner. What d'you think?"

_Christ, Ennis, he said he's not going anywhere just yet, didn't he? Why can't you relax and take it easy?_

But Jack seemed eager to take anything Ennis had to offer.

"Cool. Lead the way, friend." He sounded almost as excited as Bobby.

They walked side by side along a narrow path, back to the place where Ennis had left his car, shoulders brushing occasionally and sometimes hands, Bobby trotting impatiently, far in front.

Three minutes later they were by Ennis's car. Ennis flicked the key to unlock the doors and headed towards the boot.

"I have a box on my passenger seat that will go in the boot. I just need to make some room for it here. Just bear with me for a sec, guys."

"I'll take it out for you, Ennis. I can do it!" Bobby volunteered immediately. He sprinted to the driver's side, came to a screeching halt half way, then turned back to the other side, laughing. "Oops, forgot!"

"It's heavy, Bobby. Just let me do it. Don't you worry about it."

"Bobby, let me take it, son. Ennis says it's heavy." Jack tried to slow the boy down.

But Bobby was in action already. He opened the side door and lurched at the box, pulled it off the seat by the top flaps.

"Nah, it's OK. It's not heavy, Dad. I can carry it, Ennis, you see?"

He made a few steps towards the back of the car, the box dangling at his knees, his father at his back ready to give a hand any minute.

All of a sudden the bottom of the box gave way and burst, sending all its content scattering on the grass.

"Oh no, am so sorry, Ennis!" Bobby cried out, mortified. "I didn't mean it!"

Ennis stepped out from behind the opened boot of the car and froze, colour slamming it his face, 'shuck!' was all he could muster up at the sight in front of him. He'd thought he was ready for Jack to know, about _the stuff,_ but that was not exactly howhe'd intended it to happen.

Jack stood rooted to where he'd stopped, staring over Bobby's shoulder on the ground in front. The expression on his face changed quickly from slightly annoyed, at Bobby, to mystified, to astonished. And when he raised his eyes to search Ennis's, they were liquid pools of cerulean blue. His lips were trembling a little.

"Dad, look! Your photos!" Bobby was kneeling on the grass already, collecting _the stuff, _going through it, as Ennis would, when he was alone and missing the man in those pictures. "Wow, there are _so many_ of them. And they are all your photos, Dad. Did you take them all, Ennis? They are… just awesome!"

"Yeah, I did. Thank you, Bobby… But it's the subject matter, not me…" He finished under his breath, stealing a quick glance at _the subject matter_.

Scattered on the grass, amongst the Leica in a battered old case, the old cowboy hat, the children book and the letters, were hundreds of pictures of Jack. Black and white, sepia and colour, taken over the years, whenever the two of them had got to be together, at various places, on various occasions, with Jack knowing or not. There had been moments during those years when Ennis had thought that they were all he had of Jack. But now he knew better.

Jack was already on his knees, silently helping Bobby to collect Ennis's possessions. Ennis kneeled down besides the father and son, still a little self-conscious, tried to fix the bottom of the old carton box.

There was a moment of silence as the three of them tried to salvage the damage, then Jack handed a batch of pictures to Ennis, together with the camera, his fingers lingered when they touched Ennis's. He raised his head, looked into Ennis's eyes, held them for a few moments, that thing that had always made Ennis giddy and breathless pouring out of them again, generous and free.

"Ennis, will you ever forgive me?" He asked quietly.

Jack's voice trembled slightly and it made Ennis wanted to cry out that no, he didn't have to ask Ennis for forgiveness. Because Ennis was not in the position to forgive Jack. That he, Ennis was the one to ask Jack to forgive him. For doubting him. For almost giving up on him, giving up on them, on the best thing that had ever happened to Ennis. But how could he say all that, without letting Jack know that he knew what he knew?

So, Ennis did the only thing he could at that moment – he put his right hand on Jack's shoulder and squeezed it, shook Jack up amiably, a crooked little smile curling his lips.

"Don't you know me at all, Jack?" He stole a quick glance at Bobby, who was collecting photos with his back on them, quickly brushed the back of his fingers along Jack's jaw line and mouthed 'I love you'.

Jack smiled, his eyes so bright and tender that Ennis knew he would be forgiven, no matter what. And in the end, when all was said and done, that was all that mattered.

* * *

Soundtrack: I Don't Wanna M iss A Thing, by Aerosmith


	19. Chapter 19

Hello all,

this is the last installment of my story, the longest one, as it has turned out. Hope you don't mind :o) I hope you have enjoyed the journey our boys have done. Do drop me a note on what you think. Maybe it will inspire me for another story in a near future.

Thank you all for reading! Enjoy!

M

**

* * *

**

**SUMMERTIMES DREAMS**

**Epilogue**

**Friday, July 13th, 2012**

**Morning**

Ennis was having a wet dream. About Jack. Again. Not that he minded having wet dreams about Jack. Not at all. But truth was those wet dreams of his couldn't hold a candle to what Ennis had in reality. Sometimes he even wondered if the things he had in reality was in fact the sweetest dream of all. So, yeah, wet dreams were… kinda sweet, but they were just that – some extra chocolate sauce on Ennis's favourite dark chocolate cake.

This one, however, was a little different. A wet dream with a twist. In which _his_ Twist was giving himself up to Ennis as a special birthday present. That's right – for Ennis's fortieth birthday which was supposed to be… today?

So, there Jack was, deliciously naked, with only a black tux tie on, eyelids heavy over lust-laden blue eyes, his gorgeous cock straining and moist at the head against the nest of dark hair that was like an artist's stroke of paint brushed up from between his legs to the navel. Jack was straddling Ennis's lap, making little thrusting motions with his hips, barely touching Ennis's hard on. Ennis, propped up on a heap of pillows, fingers helplessly gripping his lover's thighs, but like always in dreams, couldn't move to press his painfully hard cock into Jack's body. Then Jack's lashes lifted a little and he looked down at Ennis, his brows and lips taking on a what-you-gonna-do-about-it-pal smirk.

It was just too much to bear for Ennis, so he tried to pull himself up, begging "Jaackk!"…

And was suddenly awake, disoriented.

He was in bed - their bed -, spooning behind Jack, both still naked from last night, Ennis's right arm stretched out under Jack's neck, the left draping over his waist, his hard as rock erection brushing up the small of Jack's back. Ennis moaned and pressed himself into Jack's solid, silky smooth back, face buried in Jack's nape, filling up his lungs with the scent of his man that still worked on him like drug, after all those years.

Jack stirred, sighed deeply and pushed back into Ennis's crotch. Ennis whimpered.

"Ennis, you are one insatiable, horny stud! You just came twice a few hours ago. Are you forty or eighteen, for Christ's sake?" Jack grumbled a complaint but Ennis could hear very pleased notes in his sleep laced voice.

"Then stop being so goddamn seductive! You driving me nuts when your arse is riding my dick like this."

He flexed his hips, prodding his lust into Jack's back side once, twice and was undone. "Oh, please, Jack! Am dying here. Please!"

Jack let out a giggle and turned around to face him, pressed his forehead into Ennis's. His eyelids _were_ heavy, but remnants of sleep in his eyes were fading fast, desire blossoming like two dark blue flowers.

"Dying, huh?" He muttered through a lazy smile, his breath uneven already. "Resuscitation needed? Dr. Twist is right here!"

He flipped Ennis on his back and attacked him, claiming his mouth, biting, caressing, exploring. His body hovered above Ennis's, just brushing, depriving Ennis of a friction he was dying for, Ennis's hands pinned on both sides of his head. Then Jack drew a trail of butterfly kisses from the side of Ennis's mouth, down his neck, to his chest, flicking his tongue at one nipple then the other, the feather like caresses sending shock waves through Ennis's entire body. He writhed and whimpered again, tried to thrust up into Jack.

"Ah-uh, lover, you are not supposed to be moving just yet. Am not done with you yet." Jack's voice was hoarse and a little strained. "Unless you wanna go to heaven … prematurely."

He shifted up on his forearms and rocked his cock into Ennis's.

"Jaaack!"

"Yeah, sounds like you _are _dying alright, friend. OK, ambulance is on its way!"

Jack shuffled his body down and dived in on Ennis head on, taking him in all the way.

Ennis gasped, grabbed two fists full of Jack's hair, trying desperately to hold back...

If there was anything else on Jack that Ennis was crazy about no less than his impossible eyes under illegal length lashes, it was his smart mouth. He would have given up his soul for Jack's eyes, his body for Jack's mouth. Any time. And now was the time…

"Jaack, am cuh… "

He never managed to finish the word. It was carried away on a drawn out groan as Ennis arched up from the bed and released all his loving into Jack's eager mouth.

When Ennis's shudders subsided, Jack planted a soft kiss where Ennis's hip joined his body, crawled up, sealed another one on the side of Ennis's mouth and laid down next to him, rolling into Ennis's arms, one arm wrapped across his chest, a leg tangling in between Ennis's.

Ennis was fading fast, but fought furiously to stay awake.

"Jack, you…?"

Jack pressed his softening length into Ennis's hip, sighed contently and murmured, his voice turning sleepy again: "Happy birthday, Ennis!"

…

When Ennis woke up again, the daylight was coming through not fully drawn navy blue curtains and he was in bed alone. He looked at the fancy electronic clock on Jack's side of the bed, slightly confused. It was quarter past nine. Jack had probably left to his flight club already and he was supposed to be at… No, he wasn't, Ennis suddenly recalled. It was his fortieth birthday and both of them were taking a long week end to celebrate it. Alone. He certainly hoped so.

Jack had been rather evasive about his plans for Ennis's round date, saying only that he'd be taking Ennis away for the weekend, and it made Ennis a tiny bit suspicious. Not that Ennis didn't trust Jack's event planning skills, on the contrary. It was just that sometimes Jack could be carried away and go a little overboard with his _planning_.

Thing was Jack loved giving presents. Especially to people he cared. But even more than that, Jack loved surprises. So, surprise presents were Jack's ultimate kicks. Ennis still remember the birthday present Jack had bought for him the summer they had moved in together, three years after Jack had came back to England with Bobby. That time, for a moment Ennis had been terrified that Jack would never forgive him for over-reacting and turning his present down on the spot.

…

_For months leading up to Ennis's birthday Jack had been raving about a new model of Mercedes - the SL550 convertible. He could go on and on about its V-8 engine and advanced handling technology, its features and looks, any moment the car topic came up. Then one the late afternoon, a few days before Ennis's thirty fifth birthday, Jack came home on a brand spanking new silver SL550, stormed into the house all excited and smug, dragged Ennis out from his studio into the street where the car was parked and handed him the key with a breathless 'happy birthday Ennis'. Patience was one of the things that were not high on the list of Jack Twist's virtues._

_After their earlier, months long and sometimes heated, debates that spring about what house they were going to buy and who should be paying for it, Ennis had thought that his silly and generous to a fault cowboy would have known better than throwing ridiculously pricey gifts at him. But apparently Jack hadn't got the message. So, with a heavy heart and a hint of resentment, Ennis told him that he couldn't accept the car. That he was not a fucking girl and it was neither Jack's expensive presents nor his money that he was after. _

_It was a wrong thing to say, Ennis knew it the moment the words were out of his mouth. He should have bitten his tongue and waited for a better moment, not splashing them in Jack's face like a bucket of iced water. But the damage had already been done._

_Jack went pale, hurt and disappointment flooding his eyes. For a moment he looked like a lost child, then recollected himself, said quietly 'Right, Ennis. I gotcha.', took two large steps to the wretched car, got into it, said 'don't wait for me for dinner' and drove off, leaving Ennis with his mouth agape and dread like lead weight pulling at his guts._

_Ennis would have done something to himself, hadn't he had to feed Bobby in the evening and then do the explaining of why his Dad might not be coming home that night. _

_Bobby was distraught. He had never seen them fighting, because they hadn't really, and he looked a little scared. The memory of his Dad disappearing for months, leaving him behind with his aunt, was still a little raw. So Ennis had to swear to him that the three of them would be alright, that he would do all it takes to find his Dad and make his come back home. Even if he had to beg for forgiveness._

_He tried in earnest. Called Jack's cell every two hours, left three messages, drove up to Jane's dark and empty house, called a couple of friends and pubs they hang out once in a while. All to no avail – Jack had gone missing. _

_By two o'clock in the morning Ennis was completely worn out and desperate, half mad at Jack, half worried sick. By that time he had had no more doubts that Jack was committed to stay, with him. But what had happened that afternoon was something entirely new in their relationship: they were treading an unchartered territory and Ennis was clueless as to what to expect._

_He'd dozed off on the couch in their sitting room at some point, so when he came to with a start, it was because someone was staring at him. _

_Jack was sitting on the floor next to the couch, tired and bleary eyed, watching him with a soft, sad smile, holding Ennis's hand in both of his, their three sets of fingers interlaced._

_"Ennis…" _

_He wondered, not for the first time, why his name always sounded so… right, when Jack said it like that. _

_"Jack, I'm so…" Ennis's voice was hoarse, but only partly from sleep. _

_"No, don't say a word. I'm so sorry, Ennis, I got carried away. I didn't mean to rub it in your face or nothing, honest. Please, believe me! I was just… not thinking…"_

_"Jack, will you shut up for a second? Please?" He sat up but didn't let Jack's hands go. _

_"'Kay" Jack smiled sheepishly, his eyes still a little worried._

_"I was a dick… No, keep your mouth shut, please! It's my turn. I was, Jack. One fucking ungrateful arsehole. It's a fabulously grand gesture, cowboy, but you really shouldn't have…" He stretched his free hand and cupped Jack's face, leaning in, his voice getting all husky. "I'd rather have fifteen minutes of you time, baby, than any fancy toy to flash around, no matter how posh." _

_His hand slid down Jack's neck, through the collar of his body shirt, onto his broad shoulder._

_Jack tittered. "That can be arranged." _

_He grazed the heel of Ennis's palm with his teeth, then bit it lightly, the sensation sending hot waves down Ennis's body. Jesus, he loved make up sex… Aw, c'mon, whom he's kidding, really? He loved sex, period! With his Jack… _

…..

The door opened and Jack stepped into the bedroom carrying a breakfast tray, bare-chested, bare-feet, jeans half buttoned. _Commando too_, noted Ennis, eyes glued to the treasure trail that disappeared down the V-shaped opening at the front of Jack's old, faded jeans.

"You up yet? How's my English patient this morning?"

Ennis stretched under the blanket like a cat, yawned, scratched his chest and sat up, accepting the tray, inhaling the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee.

"Hhmm, thanks, Doc. I'm feeling like a forty year old after three mind blowing orgasms in the space of ten hours. What _d'you_ think? Christ, you drain me out, Twist." He grumbled with a snicker, gave Jack's lower back a smack.

"Why d'you think I'm up early to feed you, stud? Thought you'd be complaining." Jack leaned in and gave him a wet kiss on the lips. "Just tell me when you're not up to it, friend. Maybe I'll go find myself someone two years younger."

Jack's eyes were sparkling with tease.

"Over my dead body, Jack fucking Twist!"

Ennis grabbed his tormentor by the back of his neck, pulled him close, eyes fixed on his mouth where the tip of Jack's tongue had just flicked at one corner.

"You'll have to fuck me dead first, baby." He rumbled into Jack's parting lips.

They kissed and nuzzled for a minute over the breakfast tray, then Jack pulled away and handed Ennis a folded sheet of paper.

"Bobby's left a note for you. He took off early this morning. Gone to London with his girlfriend."

"Oh…" Ennis took the note, a tinge of disappointment grazing through his mind.

He'd been hoping that they'd have a lunch together or something, before he and Jack went off on their 'Ennis's Birthday Weekend Special' celebration, something Jack had instituted many years ago.

The note said:

"Hey Ennis,

So sorry I won't see you for most of the day. Kelly and I have fixed a trip to the National Gallery in London today. We will try to catch up with you and Dad in the evening. I will call you guys. Happy birthday and have a great weekend!

Bobby

P.S. Don't let Dad bully you into anything you don't want! Come on, you can do it, Ennis!"

Bobby was another thing that Ennis had never dreamt of having. A son he'd never thought he would ever have. And sometimes Ennis still couldn't believe how easily Bobby had accepted him into the little family that he and Jack had been before the two of them came to stay in Carlisle. For good.

...

For Bobby, his Dad had always been his hero, as long as he could remember. And his hero's best friend and hero had become an almost godlike figure to him, even before Jack had finally brought him to England and introduced them. So Bobby worshipped Ennis. Listen to him, often took his side in their domestic debates, sought his advice, lately even more often than from his Dad.

Whom the seventeen year old Bobby loved to bits and respected, but secretly thought that he was… not unlike Bobby himself – a little too talkative, a tiny bit too…_uh_… _spontaneous_ and sometimes embarrassingly emotional. Once in a while he'd even wonder how on earth his Dad could have possibly been a fighter pilot, flown with the Thunderbirds no less…

And Bobby could never figure why Ennis called his Dad 'cowboy'. _Cowboy_? His high-spirited and classy old Dad? Nah, surely not him! Even when riding horses, which his Dad did often, around the Lake with Ennis and sometimes with Bobby too, he looked every bit a Sinclair he was: fit to be painted on a canvas that would go on the wall in Bass Manor, alongside with his blue-blooded ancestors.

Ennis was a completely different story. If anyone Bobby knew, close and personal, _did_ look like a picture perfect of a true American cowboy, even without a cowboy hat, it was Ennis. Laconic, reserved, sensible… Mature. And Ennis on a horse? The embodiment of cool and rugged manliness that vivacious Bobby had been in awe of since he was just a kid.

…Even after he'd accidentally found out what Ennis and his Dad were to each other, once on Easter holidays when he had come home early from friends and walked in on them necking in the kitchen.

...

_They were making out lazily against the kitchen bar, Jack's lower back pressed into the marble edge of the bar surface, his hands on Ennis's arse to keep their lower bodies pressed together, eyes closed, head thrown back to give more access to Ennis's ravishing, Ennis's hands roaming freely inside Jack's unbuttoned dress shirt._

_Afterwards they couldn't recall who noticed Bobby's presence first, but it didn't really matter. Fact was all three of them were terrified, frozen. But Jack was probably the most and for a fleeting moment Ennis caught a glimpse of the confused and scared young Jack of so many years ago._

_Bobby stared at them like he was seeing a ghost for what seemed like an eternity, then whipped around without a word, ran up the stairs to his room, two steps at a time, slammed the door behind him. _

_Ennis came to senses first, turned to face his lover again, gripped the back of his neck, trying to bring their foreheads together. But Jack would have none of it, turned his head away, visibly shaken and tense._

_"Jack, look at me," Ennis shook him up a little. "It will be alright, cowboy, you hear me?"_

_He was not too sure about it himself, but couldn't stand to see the panicked look on Jack's face. _

_His forced optimism didn't fool Jack for a moment. He rubbed his face with one hand, disentangling himself from Ennis with the other._

_"Yeah… You better go now, Ennis. I need to deal with this on my own."_

_The cool, detached note in Jack's voice chilled his insides. _

_"Jack, you sure I can't…"_

_"I'm sure, Ennis. Just go. Please." _

_Jack was beginning to sound exasperated and maybe realized that too. Because then he turned to face Ennis and forced a weak, sad smile._

_"It was meant to come out sooner or later. I just wish I did a better job of preparing him for this… I'll call you, Ennis." _

_Then, as if figuring why Ennis was unwilling to leave, Jack took his hand, pressed his lips into Ennis's palm, finally looked in Ennis's eyes – his were solemn, determined. _

_"You know I'm not going anywhere, aren't you, Ennis? I'll be right here, tomorrow and the day after. And the following day, too… Where would I go anyway?" He pressed Ennis's palm into the side of his face, nuzzled it. "I just need Bobby to be here with me, with us, too… I'll call you tomorrow, I promise."_

_He did. And the next day and the following day. Until Bobby stopped hiding in his room four days later and started talking to Jack again. _

_It took another two weeks before Jack told Ennis he could come over and another couple of months for Bobby to be his usual self with Ennis again. _

_Well, almost. Except for the first year, when Bobby tried to make himself scarce after fifteen minutes of casual chat every frigging time Ennis came around when he was home from his boarding school for school breaks._

_And then one day, a year and a half after that first_ '_incident', he almost ran into the two of them again,__clothes in disarray__ and still breathless, but thank God already a feet apart. Bobby turned around to flee, but then changed his mind, stopped in his tracks, looked at them over his shoulder with a smirk and said, blushing violently: _

_"Why don't you two just move in together? Like officially or somethin'… Save Ennis the trouble of moving out every time I come home." _

_Then he took off as if chased by demons._

_And that was that – they did, six months later. And Bobby came home to spend with them all school breaks and holidays and birthdays and sometimes just for weekends._

_Jack didn't tell Ennis about his conversation with Bobby until they were living together, but even then not in much detail. _

_When Ennis finally found guts to ask, he just shrugged. "I told him everything". _

_Then seeing his man's fazed look, he reasoned, "He deserves to know everything, right? So, I told him he's the only family I've got. But I couldn't stand to stay away from you either. Tried _that_ already. It almost killed me…"_

_He was choked up a little, but gazed straight in Ennis's eyes, added quietly, "Told him I love you."_

_"What did he said?" Ennis managed to force out, struggling to swallow down the lump the size of a walnut at the back of his throat._

_"He asked if you felt the same way… About me… Said I certainly hoped so…" Jack's smile was shy and unassuming. Hopeful. _

_He pulled Jack into his arms, rested his forehead against Jack's and closed his eyes, to keep the unruly moisture from spilling, whispered, "You have no idea, baby…" _

_O_

_O O_

**Afternoon and Evening**

By 3:00 p.m. Jack was preparing to land his swift little Mooney with his 'favourite passenger' in the right hand seat at North Weald Airfield, forty miles north of the downtown of the City of London. Just like Jack had said they would, almost to the minute. From there, he'd said, it would take them a forty five to fifty minute max to the hotel where they were booked for '_the_ _weekend special'_.

That extraordinary side of his man never ceased to amaze Ennis: Jack could tell precisely, to the nearest decimal or penny or minute, how long or how much or how fast _it_, whatever _it_ was, gonna be. Okay, so he'd figured a long time ago that Jack had been blessed with a 100 gig memory bundled up with an Intel super chip for a brain. But still...

Jack didn't like to talk about his unique ability, but put it to opportunistic use once in a while. Mostly for fun. Like beating the stock markets right after the global crisis a couple of years back, when he had made a few millions in a space of four or five months, then given most of it away to charities. Or squeezing out every ounce of the designed capacity of his Mercedes SLR McLaren or of any aircraft he was asked to fly at Reno Air Races which he never missed. Where speed and anything mechanical featured, Jack was a starry-eyed, breathless and hopeless addict.

"You OK? We're almost there." He turned to Ennis again. "Twelve minutes and forty five seconds to North Weald." Jack stated casually and flipped the radio frequency key on the console, glanced down to check the kneepad.

_As if you needed to_, Ennis tried to hold back a good-humored smirk, watching his man out of the corner of his eyes.

"North Weald Radio. Good afternoon, this is Golf Oscar Bravo Bravo Mike."

"Golf Bravo Mike. North Weald, good afternoon. Pass your details," came back a detached voice through the headset.

"Golf Bravo Mike. This is Mooney M20 out of Carlisle. Inbound North Weald VFR, just passing Bovingdon, two four zero zero feet, QNH one zero one two. Estimate the field in 11 minutes. Request airfield information and join instructions. Golf Bravo Mike."

"Golf Bravo Mike. Runway in use is two zero, right hand circuit. QNH 1012, QFE 1010, report at Epping not above 1500ft. To join right downwind runway two zero."

Jack read back the details and continued the gradual descent.

Another thing that Ennis had been in awe of was Jack the Pilot at the console of his aeroplane. Who was completely different from the everyday, easily excitable boy with his kind, toothy grin that Ennis knew. In the cockpit, Jack was as cool-headed, no-nonsense and in control as they came. Even his voice would change, like taking on half of an octave lower or something. But then, once in a while, he would turn to check on Ennis, who'd become even more tight-lipped in his man's _airplane_, ask 'you ok?' and flash him a quick, brilliant smile that would send butterflies fluttering down Ennis's stomach.

…

They left Jack's aeroplane at the North Weald's hangars and were whisked away in the hotel's limo that had been waiting for them, a bottle of Dom Perignon vintage 2000 on ice. Jack was nothing if not thorough in his event planning.

Fifty minutes later they were checking in at The Royal Horseguards, within a ten minute walk from Victoria Embankment, along the Thames.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Twist. Welcome to The Royal Horseguards Hotel. My name is Roger and I'm the manager on duty today. I understand that this is your and Mrs. Twist first stay with us and let me assure you that we will do everything in our power to make your stay memorable… How was your trip from the airport, sir? I hope you and Mrs. Twist enjoyed the champagne. Compliments of the hotel, of course."

Roger, a silver haired, rotund man in his late fifties, was a paradigm of old fashioned, congenial servitude. Three other, more junior front desk staff, were hovering to the left and behind Roger, all eyes at a guest they had never seen here before and who had booked the most expensive and unique room in the hotel. In fact, in London, for that matter: it was the only suite in town that had its very own small tower and hundred and eighty degree panoramic view on the Canary Wharf, St. Paul's Cathedral and the London Eye.

"Thank you, Roger. It was good, including the champagne. Good choice. Could I ask for the rest of the bottle to be sent up to the room, please? We haven't done with it yet."

Jack turned his head in search of Ennis. Who was lingering behind to let Jack do his usual trick of charming the pants of whoever would be checking them in. But it didn't look like it was going to work this time, though. One look at Roger the Manager and Ennis could guess how it was gonna be. He just knew the type. Jack had probably figured it out, too – Ennis noticed that he sighed, resigning to what he suspected would follow.

"Certainly, Mr. Twist. Your Tower Suite is ready for you and Mrs. Twist. I hope you will…"

"Mr. Del Mar." Jack interjected firmly, looking straight in the man's eyes, lips pressed in a hard, determined line.

"I beg your pardon, sir?"

"It's Mr. Twist and Mr. Del Mar, Roger. And do send us another bottle of champagne, please. We are celebrating my partner's fortieth birthday this weekend."

Jack held the manager's eyes, a hint of defiance in the squint of his own, till the other man recovered enough to respond, red-faced, slightly stuttering.

"Of course, sir, Mr. Twist and… Mr. Del Mar. Your champagne will… will be on its way right behind you, sir. Thomas here will take you up to… to your room."

The cordial notes in Roger's voice that had been playing out so dramatically just a minute ago had almost all gone, replaced by a correct but icy politeness. But Jack didn't give a shit. He turned his back on the manager, flashed his teeth at Thomas, whose eyes were traversing nervously back and forth, from the manager to him, then called out to Ennis, his voice just a fraction louder than necessary.

"Ennis, _our_ room is ready, babe. Are _you_? Let's go celebrate!"

Ennis rolled his eyes, stood up from the armchair he had been sitting on, watching the whole charade from under his eyelashes, and followed Jack to the elevators, a shadow of an amused smirk playing the corners of his lips.

When they were finally alone in their grand suite, he cornered Jack in the bathroom washing his hands, pressed his body into Jack's, back to front, arms possessive around his man's midsection, rubbed his stubbled cheek into the side of Jack's face.

"Do you have to rub it in their faces like that, cowboy? Just ignore them. Life is short…"

Jack sighed, leaned back into Ennis's embrace, his eyes holding Ennis's in the mirror, caressing.

"I know. Am sorry, bud. I just hate it when they go and spoil my day like that. Especially today, of all days. Shit!" He cringed a little.

Ennis disentangled their bodies, put both his hands on Jack's shoulders and started massaging them.

"Shhhh… It's perfect. Been perfect so far, l'il darling… But we are going a little… over-board now, no?"

He smiled at Jack in the mirror, trying not to sound like he was complaining. He wasn't. He knew better than to thwart Jack's flight of inspiration when his man was at it and he knew that Jack knew now where to stop… well, he hoped. They had both learnt.

Jack grinned back at him, mischievous glint lighting up his eyes, fidgeted and flexed the muscles of his shoulders under Ennis's ministering fingers.

"Nah, it's nothin'. Let's go check up the tower. They say the view is awesome. I had to book it three months in advance!"

….

"So, what's the plan, Jack? Where we are going?" Ennis asked when they had inspected the tower of the suite, showered together and changed into their evening suits as Jack had instructed.

"Well, we are booked for the dinner at Asia de Cuba. You know where it is, don't you? A bit of a Chino-Latino this time. Bobby and Kelly are joining us." Jack grinned sheepishly at Ennis's raised eyebrows. "Yeah, we didn't tell you, but that's the plan."

"What else didn't you tell me, you conniving pair?"

He knew better than to ask when it was not time yet. But now seemed to be the time.

"Well, we are going to pick them up at the National Portrait Gallery and have cocktails first. Then dinner. Then after dinner we are on our own. Wherever you want to go tonight, friend. And tomorrow we can do museums and theatre and bars… Whatever we want. A London special, you know. That's all."

Ennis felt relieved and a little surprised that he seemed to be getting off lightly this time. That Jack hadn't come up with some incredibly sweet but ostentatious initiative that he couldn't possibly turn down. Like the one two years back, when Jack had came out for his birthday to Kenya where Ennis had been shooting an episode of his documentary, spent a week with him and his small crew of five, helping them in any way he could. And then, on Ennis's birthday, Jack had flown him over the snow-crowned summits of Mount Kilimanjaro, in an old private Cherokee he'd managed to dig out and hire in Nairobi.

"A great plan, cowboy. I love it. And this suite too. Really, it's spectacular! Thank you, Jack… So, let's get going then?"

…..

The stroll to the gallery took them fifteen minutes. Jack was telling him about his plans for Reno Air Races this year, so initially he didn't notice the two large banners hanging on both sides of the gallery's entrance. Until they had crossed the street and were in front of them.

Ennis froze, staring, refusing to believe his own eyes.

Enlarged to the poster size and looking down at them were two subjectsof his photography, whose pictures he'd taken years ago and apart, one in Tibet, the other in Ethiopia. The banners said 'Ennis Del Mar. Celebrating the 25-year love with photography.'

It took a full minute for his mind to process what his eyes were seeing. Then he slowly turned to Jack, who was standing beside him, waiting patiently, looking very pleased with himself.

"Jack, what is this then, huh? Is this what you call 'it's nothin'?"

It was so frigging out of Ennis's line of reasoning that he didn't know what else to say. Not that he could really, with his throat suddenly gripped tight like that. He searched Jack's eyes, as if looking for a clue, then tugged him in a tight embrace, right there on the street, rocked him a little and whispered brokenly, "What should I do with you now, huh? Jack fucking Twist!"

Jack carefully extracted himself from his arms, dazzled Ennis with his great big smile, eyes, teeth, dimples and all, wiggled his brows suggestively. "We will figure that out later, bud. Tonight, I promise! For now, let's just go inside. You are expected."

He dragged Ennis through the entrance, to the exhibition hall on the right, prodded him through the door with the large posters, similar to the banners outside.

And then it was even more than Ennis had thought, standing flabbergasted at the entrance. It was actually a little more than Ennis could take in one go and he didn't even try to hide the raising dampness in his eyes, emotions rolling over him like tidal waves.

He was completely speechless.

"Hey, I can't believe this – old Ennis is tearing up! What have you done to him, Dad? This is surely not happening! Come on in, Ennis, everybody's waiting for you!"

Bobby bounced up to them, wearing a grin that matched his Dad's, wrapped Ennis into an affectionate hug.

Behind him was cute little Kelly, as excited as Bobby, very obviously another accomplice of the whole setup…

…And there was Ed with Claire and Tommy, Junior and her husband Greg, Alma with Prof. Beers. And Jane with her flamboyant Franco, from Sienna. Then, there's Seth with Helen, all the way from New York; Ennis's film crew – Jonathon, Pat, Tom and Liam – and the film production and editing team, all of them; his agent Barbara Murray, a young and fiery Irish lass whom Jack had talked him into taking on as his agent; his colleagues from BBC and friends and… just visitors of the gallery dropping in to view his work, a few dozens of his best photographs, framed up on the walls…

…And of course Jack, his impossible Jack, the heart of it all…

…..

The cocktail reception at the Portrait Restaurant on the roof top of the National Portrait Gallery was in full swing, free flow of champagne, a jazz band, catering and all, when Claris Everett, a friend at BBC Three, pulled him and Barbara aside to break the news.

By the time she was done, Ennis thought he was dreaming all over again. He had to be. Because this was all so… _fucking_ _surreal_. Okay, so he'd known for a while that they were contemplating on putting his series up for the challenge, but still… He'd never thought that _this_ was possible.

_Oh Christ, would this day ever end? What else could possibly happen to one person in one day?_

Barbara was almost bursting with excitement, bright eyed and thrilled to the bones, probably more than Ennis himself. He was her first, out of a handful of clients, who looked like he was going to make it big. And who was still struggling to wrap his head around it.

"Ennis, please! Let me tell them, please. It's a _perfect_ occasion! You can't possibly dream up a better one! C'mon, they would love it! Especially Jack – he'd go ballistic!"

"Exactly, Barb. He's been ballistic enough for one day already. I don't think I can take more." Ennis grumbled, but already knew that he'd give in the end.

Because Barbara had figured some time ago where his Achilles' heel was. And she was right – Jack wouldn't have missed the occasion for the life of his, had he known. And he would be whinging at him for months, if Ennis did.

"Alright, Barb. Let's do it." He sighed, fidgeted nervously. "Go ahead, then."

She squealed, threw her arms around his neck, gave him a peck on his cheek and dashed towards the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?"

The music and lively conversation in the restaurant dropped to a rumble level, all eyes turned to her.

"I have an announcement to make. It's a breaking news that Mr. Del Mar - Ennis and I have just got from Ms. Everett here. For those of you who don't know, Ms. Everett is one of the three executive commissioning producers of BBC Three, the channel that has co-sponsored and is running Ennis's film. Am sure most if not all of you have seen "The Games People Play", an immersive, genuine and enlightening documentary series about traditional folk games, the origins of sports and various types of social games around the world. The last installment of the series, called "Some Play Another Kind of Games", is scheduled to be aired in mid August. Without revealing too much, I'd just say that this episode will be about war games."

Ennis didn't dare to look around just yet, eyes fixed on Barbara, chewing at the inside of his lips.

"We've just learnt that "The Games People Play"…" She held the silence well, looking around the room, smiling triumphantly, before throwing her punch line. "…has been selected by BBC Three and National Geographic Channel as their documentary series entry for BAFTA nomination this year. Congratulations, Mr. Del Mar… Ennis!"

…..

It was getting late for their dinner booked at Asia de Cuba and Ennis thought he really had to make an effort of saying something to all these people. Who had come for his celebration, to share this… day_. His day._

_C'mon, Ennis, don't be such an ungrateful berk! Make an effort, pal!_

"Folks, may I have a minute of your attention, please?"

Ennis cleared his throat for what seemed like the umdredth time, but the bloody knot that had taken residence there, since his eyes had set on the banners outside the gallery's entrance, wouldn't go away.

"Thank you…" He took a deep breath. "You all know I'm not good at this. Gosh, don't _I_ know it! I truly suck with speeches… With words in general…"

A couple of sympathetic sniggers, but mostly everybody was quiet, giving him the attention he'd asked for.

"Right… So, I know I ought to say something. That's how it normally goes, isn't it? But truth is I'm… overwhelmed. Like _totally_. So overwhelmed that I'm struggling to understand what's going on here."

A few cheers and encouragements erupted.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, guys, 'preciate that!… So, thank you all very much for coming to celebrate my… the fruition of my long time love affair with photography… As the posters down there seem to indicate. I truly appreciate it…Yeah, for me, it's been love from the first… day. From the first time I laid my hands on a camera. My first camera. A Leica… Yeah, you're right - of all cameras a stables hand's boy, with neither means nor prospects, could have dreamt of having. Given to me by a ten year old boy as a goodbye present, packed up nicely in a fancy lady's shoe box, with a card attached. The card said that I was so much better than him with the camera that I got to have it, his favourite new toy. A birthday present, given to him by his famous uncle. The card also said that I should take more pictures and maybe one day I would be someone… like Richard Avedon."

More claps and cheers. Bobby at the front of the guest crowd, holding two thumbs up, all sparkling with enthusiasm. Jane smiling, turning around to search for Jack, visibly moved. Ed, the squint of his eyes approving and Junior, all teary, but smiling, too, happy.

His eyes finally found Jack.

He was standing alone at the back, against the glass wall, illuminated by the street lights that were firing up below as a warm summer night descended over London. Jack seemed a little surprised, a look of concentration shadowed his features, like he was trying to recall something.

_Oh yeah, baby, I remember everything. Every moment of it!_

He cleared his throat again and continued. "And so I did. Took pictures, lots of them, whenever I had a chance… And I have to admit, I have been blessed with chances all my life, availed to me by so many people around me. First by my family and my friends; then by my teachers, my colleagues. Then, by people I met traveling around the world. Who graciously allowed me to portrait them, their lives and their dreams, in all their beauty, as well as hardship; allowed me to bring that beauty and hardship back, to share with you today. So, to all of you, my friends, I am enormously grateful."

Applauds and approving noises were getting louder every time Ennis paused, so he had to raise his voice a little. He had to say _it_, there and then. He wanted to.

"But most of all, I want to thank one person, who's made _all_ _this…_" he made a sweeping gesture with his hands, "…possible. Who's made _me_ possible. The person who has been sharing all his best things, his best dreams with me. Ever since we were kids. Giving them to me like one would be giving simple treats... like '_it's nothin''_. Because it's just the kind of a person he is. I'm sure you all know him – my partner Jack Twist… my love, my life… Thank you!"

Ennis's last words were lost in the raising wave of applauds and cheering, but he knew Jack had heard him, loud and clear. His startled eyes were locked into Ennis's – huge, bottomless and so expressive. Then, a shaky smile lit up on his face as he mouthed something to Ennis across all the space and people separating them. And Ennis didn't need to hear to figure what Jack was saying. He thought he knew. And that was all he needed from Jack, ever since their very first summer.

_'I'm so proud of you, Ennis!_'

* * *

Soundtrack: Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion


	20. I'll be Seeing You   a vignette

**I'll be seeing you**

(A Vignette on Music and Lyrics Theme)

**Edgar**

_I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places  
That this heart of mine embraces all day through  
In that small cafe, the park across the way  
The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well_

_I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day_  
_In everything that's light and gay_  
_I'll always think of you that way_  
_I'll find you in the mornin' sun_  
_And when the night is new_  
_I'll be looking at the moon_  
_But I'll be seeing you_

_('I'll be Seeing You', by Jimmy Durante)_

* * *

Ed lights up a cigarette and inhales deeply, taking in the strong, bitter-sweetish taste of smoke, laced with fresh, grassy smells of a warm summer night. Somehow the smells bring back the memories he thought long gone. Or maybe it's not the smells. Maybe it's Ennis's surprise birthday event in London, organized by Jack. And then the movie Claire bought on the way back home that they've just watched tonight. The Notebook, a love story that lasted a life long and never really ended. And that song too, he remembers it from the past. His past… What's it called again? Oh, yeah, 'I'll be Seeing You' by Jimmy Durante. One of Jane's favourites back then…

Okay, so, it's all to do with Jane then, with seeing her again at the exhibition in London, if he's to be completely honest with himself.

She hasn't changed much, after all these years. Still the same – beautiful, strong and… true. Something he's always known but couldn't make himself to accept at the time… Her nephew Jack is the same – the boy got her heart and abandon.

Ed wonders how strange life is, writing up the history of their families – the Sinclairs and the Simmons. First it was his sister Anna, Ennis's mother, falling in for Jonathan Sinclair, Jane and Mariel's elder brother. Only to be heartbroken a year later when he returned from his summer trip to Paris to announce that he was queer and leaving back to Paris for good. Ed was twelve at that time but never forgot that dreadful year when Anna almost took her life. She couldn't stand to live in Bass after that and left. Married Kendal Del Mar and gave birth to KE a year later.

Then, when Ed was nineteen, came his turn to fall in for a Sinclair. For Jane. Beautiful, fiery and generous to a fault. Only then did he understand why Anna had left. Couldn't stand to see memories of her first love in all familiar places all the fucking time. Then he left, too, to join the army. Well, after Jane had gone off to France and married an elderly baron of some sort. Truth was, she did it in spite, after he had refused to elope with her. She was eighteen and Ed didn't have the heart to do that to her, one so young, so trusting. So loving, it'd take his breath away. Took all the will power he possessed at the age of twenty to say 'no'. Sometimes it still amazes him that he could still think rationally back then, being so young himself and so utterly head over heels with her.

Four years of army didn't heal the heartache completely, only dried up the wound some, stopped it from festering. So, he returned to Bass. Jane, a widow by then, was there at Bass, waiting. Hopeful. And he turned her down again. His fucking pride couldn't get past her money. Said he would work for her, be there for her whenever she needed him. Would do anything for her, except marrying her. Because he had nothing to give her except his love. And that, he sincerely believed, was not enough.

Jane was so mad with him she went off and married the young dandy Jamie Ross of the Ross Oil empire. Only to divorce him four years later to return to Carlisle and Bass Manor with even more money. As if she needed more.

She never asked him to marry her after that ever again. But Ed was always there for her, whenever she needed him. Always.

Recently, he'd started thinking how it might have been, had things been different between him and Jane. He is grey enough and not totally stupid to completely deny that there _was_ a possibility… That things _could_ have been different. He sees it clearly now, over forty years later, including the last fifteen quiet and comfortable years with little Claire – cheerful, undemanding, always contented. The realization that he was wrong after all, about Jane and him, suddenly came home at Ennis's reception, when the boy's thank-you speech had sunk in with Ed.

Yeah, that boy has guts. Always had. Even when Ed couldn't understand him at all but let him try and find his own way anyway. Ennis Del Mar, his nephew who has always been like a son to him after Anna's untimely passing. He's made himself and their little family proud.

And Ed would never admit it if asked, but secretly, he is enormously pleased that it's Jane's boy that Ennis has chosen. Even if he can't understand it for the life of his. He's sure that Ennis can make that boy happy.

In fact, Ennis has probably done it already, by the look of it: Jack looked so thrilled and enamored, it was almost embarrassing to look at the little bugger. Ed has seen that look on someone else before, many years before… Runs in the family, no doubt.

And Jane, she looked so happy too, watching the boys, tearing up even. Which doesn't happen often with Jane, as far as he knows. And Ed thinks he knows her well. For over forty five goddamn years.

So, in the end his Ennis has done what he couldn't – has made his Jane happy. And that is a good thing.


	21. Happy Ever After a vignette

**Happy Ever after**

(A Vignette on Music and Lyrics Theme)

**Jane**

_Don't ask me why I'm running out of laughter_  
_There's tears in these eyes, not happy ever after_  
_And I thought it was plain to see_  
_And I thought the whole world could be_  
_And I thought we'd be happy ever after._

_You could say that I'm living in a pipe dream_  
_It's just looking back, things are never what they seem_  
_And I hope I can safely say_  
_And I hope most things go my way_  
_And I hope they'll be happy ever after._

_Down in Southern Africa no happy ever after_  
_Not now, but soon forever_  
_While they're sitting comfortably_  
_In that white winter city_  
_How can we be happy ever after?_

_So don't ask me why I'm running out of laughter_  
_There's tears in these eyes, not happy ever after._  
_And I thought it was plain to see_  
_And I thought that maybe you and me_  
_And I thought we'd be happy ever after._

('Happy Ever After', by Julia Fordham)

* * *

As soon as the seatbelt sign is turned off Jane puts on the headset and starts flipping through the audio channels. Franco in his seat besides her is deep in his newspapers, so, she doesn't need to keep him company with small talk. She finds the channel she wants, having listened to it most of the way from Rome to London. Julia Fordham, one of her latest favourites. Especially the one song that she shouldn't probably put on now, because it will in no doubt tear her up. _Christ, Jane you're getting soft in your old age, girl! _Especially after this past weekend. After Ennis's fortieth birthday bash thrown by her Jackie, to be precise.

Happy Ever After.

She always believed that 'happy ever after' happened only in fairytales, didn't happen in real life, she's old and wise enough to know that. But apparently it can. All you need to do is look at those two boys together, the way their eyes follow each other almost constantly, the way they shine the moment their eyes meet, even from the opposite sides of a hall, thinking that nobody notices. And it's been, what, eight years? Since Jackie came back to England with Bobby. Came back to his Ennis. Who has been holding him, loving him and it looks like he'll never let him go again.

She has been so proud of Ennis too, the little village boy she befriended ages ago. Ed's boy, God bless him. Not much in a way of words, but with determination bordering stubbornness and a heart the size of the Lake District. So much like Ed…

Her Edgar. Always hers, as much as she's ever had of him. Which was not much by any measure, but had to be enough to keep her going, for a long time…

Lately, looking at the life Jack and Ennis have built for themselves, Jane has started wondering if she and Ed could have been as happy, had she had guts to ask him to marry her for the third time. She didn't – couldn't bear to be rejected yet again. So, she just took whatever he would be willing to give her, even if it was not nearly close to what she wanted. But he had always been there for her, whenever she needed support or advice. Or just comfort. Which can hardly be called 'often'… Anyway, no point in dwelling on it now, so many years past since.

Then, sixteen years ago she finally found someone else she could rely on, besides Ed and Ennis. She found a friend and companion in Franco, someone who keeps her entertained, makes her feel pampered and contented. And she is thankful for that, tries to reciprocate the best she can. What she's never found again is someone who'd ignite that almost forgotten feeling in her, the feeling of being utterly and irreversibly in love. The crazy feeling that robs you of any sensible thought, makes you do most stupid things at a bat of an eye. Makes you so happy you think you've died and gone to heaven. The feeling only Ed could give her, damn him, old stubborn bastard!

So, when she recognized that feeling shining so brightly through first Ennis's then Jack's eyes, she took it upon herself to make it darn sure they wouldn't waste it away the way she and Ed had. She has to give them credit though: they have been trying really hard, too, to get over their insecurities, their doubts, their fears.

And in the end they've made it. Ed's Ennis and her Jackie have made her and Ed and themselves proud. And it looks like theirs is a happy ever after story after all.

Jane quickly taps her fingertips on a single tear at the corner of her eye, looks out from her window and smiles.

'…_You could say that I'm living in a pipe dream  
It's just looking back, things are never what they seem  
And I hope I can safely say  
And I hope most things go my way  
And I hope they'll be happy ever after…'  
_


	22. Till There Was You a vignette

**Till There Was You**

(A Vignette on Music and Lyrics Theme)

**Junior**

_There were bells on the hill_  
_But I never heard them ringing,_  
_No, I never heard them at all_  
_Till there was you._

_There were birds in the sky_  
_But I never saw them winging_  
_No, I never saw them at all_  
_Till there was you._

_And there was music,_  
_And there were wonderful roses,_  
_They tell me,_  
_In sweet fragrant meadows of dawn, and dew._

_There was love all around_  
_But I never heard it singing_  
_No, I never heard it at all_  
_Till there was you._

_(Till There was You, by Laura Fygi)_

* * *

Junior sighs, rolls over onto her side, puts her feet down and sits up. She has been feeling restless since coming back from London, keeps thinking about Ennis's fortieth birthday event, about him and his Jack and about her…

"You alright, sweetheart?"

Greg rolls over into her side of the bed, puts his palm flat on the small of her back.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just fancy some warm milk."

"You want me to go get it for you?" His voice is muffled with sleep.

"No, it's okay. I need to go to the loo anyway. You go back to sleep."

"Okay. I'll keep the bed warm for you, baby..." Greg's voice trails off as he falls back into the slumber.

Junior stands up, puts on her dressing gown and shuffles downstairs to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, with a mug of hot milk sitting on the kitchen bar, she is standing in front of the radio nestling on one of the cupboard shelves near the window. She turns on the radio and starts surfing the stations. A nice tune while she's having her night cap would be nice…

"… for those of you who are still awake and in the mood for old ballads and light jazz I present unforgettable Laura Figy."

The sounds of soft music fill the night air, a deep, velvety voice enveloping her, making Junior shiver.

"_There were bells on the hill  
But I never heard them ringing,  
No, I never heard them at all  
Till there was you…"_

Till there was you… Junior's heard this song before, an oldie, by Beatles if she is not mistaken. Never thought much of it. But this – this is so different. It is so… so balmy and so… so what she feels… That's right, that's how Junior has been feeling since London: she has been feeling love, almost palpable and ever-present, swelling and rolling through her like waves in the ocean. Somehow, seeing Ennis and his Jack so in love and happy together, after all these years, then hearing Ennis's words at the reception, then having Greg to hold her and whisper sweet nothings to her when she cried, suddenly overcome by emotions, all that have made her feel this way since.

Junior has known love for as long as she could remember, living as a child with Ennis and Ed. True, both of them are as poker faced and tight lipped as they come, but they made pretty darn sure she knew that they cared for her. They've made her feel loved. Always. More than her own mother ever did. But she forgave her long time ago, because Ennis and Ed did too. And she loves them dearly, thinks they were the best part of her childhood and adolescence. Especially Ennis. Who took care of her, played with her, taught her everything he knew, be it math or reading or horses or cameras or motorbikes or even dresses and shoes when she got to that age. In short, he was just there for her whenever she needed a friend, a brother or a parent. Always.

…Her Ennis. Who is actually her uncle, but sometime she thinks of him as of her big brother. Particularly during those horrible years, long time ago, when his Jack still lived in America and then one day vanished without a word. For two frigging years. Looking at Ennis during those years, Junior thought she would never forgive Jack for doing _that_ to her Ennis. Who was so stoic, never uttered a word about how he felt and what he thought, but she knew all the same and her heart bleed for him.

And then one day Jack came back, brought Bobby with him and stayed put in Carlisle. Junior thought she'd never seen Ennis happier and so completely smitten than on that day when he came back from London and brought Jack and Bobby for his welcome home dinner at Ed's.

He has been that way ever since, totally in love and so happy, never mind the cool exterior he puts out to everybody. Doesn't fool Junior for a minute because she knows her Ennis well enough to see through him.

And his Jack is in the same dream boat, but he doesn't even try to hide it. He wears it like a medal of honor and sparkles with it, blinding everybody around. Junior thinks it's so amusing sometimes and so heartening to see those two around each other…

And then, after a couple of short, lukewarm relationships, she met Greg. She thought she knew then what Ennis and Jack were feeling. And they have probably been feeling that way about each other for God knows how many years. Maybe even since the first day they met, like almost thirty years back or something? It used to make her a little envious…

And then _this_… Jenny, her Jenny… And it wasn't till then, when she came along, that Junior finally understood what it meant to have love not only surrounding you, enfolding you, but also blossoming in you. And she knows that _this_ love will only die with her…

"_There was love all around  
But I never heard it singing.  
No, I never heard it at all  
Till there was you…"_

She looks down, palms her huge, swollen belly, rubs it softly, smiling, and whispers, "I love you, my Jenny."


	23. Please Be True a vignette

**Please Be True**

(A Vignette on Music and Lyrics Theme)

**Bobby **

_Fly me to the moon_  
_Let me play among the stars_  
_Let me see what spring is like_  
_On a-Jupiter and Mars_  
_In other words, hold my hand_  
_In other words, baby, kiss me_

_Fill my heart with song_  
_And let me sing for ever more_  
_You are all I long for_  
_All I worship and adore_  
_In other words, please be true_  
_In other words, I love you_

_Fill my heart with song_  
_Let me sing for ever more_  
_You are all I long for_  
_All I worship and adore_  
_In other words, please be true_  
_In other words, in other words_  
_I love ... you_

_(Fly Me To The Moon, by Michael Bubble)_

* * *

"Bobby…" Kelly pulls on the sleeve of his jacket, her voice purposeful. Implicational.

_Okay, here it goes_ _again…_

She has been bogging him with her questions about his Dad and Ennis ever since that thank-you speech old Ennis gave at the reception. She had been so taken with it that it took her an hour to recover to being her usual self and start asking questions. She wanted to know everything about them. Or she wouldn't talk to him anymore and she meant it!

Bobby tries to suppress an amused smile at the recollection. Sometimes Kelly can be such a spoilt child he can't help but tease her. He loves Kelly to death and she is his best friend too, ever since their very first day at the college, and they usually tell each other everything. But this… this is different. It's too personal and not _his_ either for Bobby to share it, even with Kelly.

Of course she knows about his Dad and Ennis living together as… _a pair. _A happy pair. Everybody knows that. What most people don't know is that it took them a very long time to get where they are. Even Bobby may not know all about it, only the gist of it that his Dad told him years ago. After he'd walked in on them necking in the kitchen that first time and it scared and confused the crap out of him... And, oh yeah, there have been other times after that time alright! It's downright embarassing sometimes how those two can't keep their hands to themselves... OK, so he can see his Dad behaving like that, but Ennis?.. _Gah_?

As long as Bobby could remember he always knew that Ennis Del Mar in far away England was Daddy's best friend. His Dad talked about Ennis often, telling him stories from his and Ennis's childhood, about things Ennis could do, or would do when he'd take Bobby to England to meet him, someday… So, he got it quite early on that Ennis was his Dad's hero and he always wanted to meet with that superman Ennis of Dad's.

What he'd never imagined was that Ennis was more to his Dad than just his best friend. Simply because he had never imagined, not even in his wildest dreams, that his father was queer. His fighter pilot, manly man Dad with whom all the women Bobby knew were secretly or openly in love – his nanny Lee, their cook Carmen, his head teacher Ms Hornsby, shop girls at the department store and the toys store , waitresses at the diners Dad would take him – every single one he could recall… Well, except maybe his mother, of whom Bobby didn't remember much, but anyway… So, as a result, Bobby didn't even fully get it for the first few days after the incident in the kitchen. Not until three days later when he finally chilled some, came out of his room and agreed to listen to what his Dad had to say. And then Bobby stared at him for maybe a full ten minutes, his jaw scratching the floor, when Dad had told him that he was gay. And that Ennis was the love of his life. Had always been… Un-fucking-believable!

So, how he can tell Kelly all that and other things his Dad told him that day, almost eight years ago? That he, his father, had been a fucking coward and not been able to admit even to himself, for years and years, who he truly was and what Ennis was to him and that his denial had caused so much misery and pain to Ennis and Jane and other people who cared about them that it would take him a lifetime to make it up to them, especially to Ennis and that was what he was gonna try and do and asked Bobby to please help him because he could only do it if Bobby was with him. What could Bobby say to that, looking at his big old Dad with tears in his eyes, asking Bobby to help him? And to forgive him for not telling Bobby about it earlier and letting him find out that way. Of course Bobby forgave him and said yeah he'd stay with him… and Ennis… He's his Dad, right? The only, most important person Bobby got… And now he's got Ennis… and Kelly too…

…Kelly, who is looking at him expectantly, pretty lips pressed together in an overstated pout, green eyes sparkling with eagerness...

Kelly is one of the women who adore his hunky Dad and want to know everything about him. She asks Bobby about him often and just melts on the spot when he chats to her, laughs with her every time she comes around their house. Sometimes Bobby even teases her that he wonders whether it's his father or himself that she is after. And she would slap his arm and say he is horrible and then make it up to him afterwards. Which is always awesome…

He flips the side box of the car open, pulls out a CD and gives it to Kelly.

"Put this one on, will you? And I will tell you."

Kelly takes the CD, looks at its cover, then at him.

"You always listen to him when you want to say something important, Bobby. Why?"

Bobby thinks for a moment, takes his eyes off the road and gives her a half a smile.

"Don't know really… Dad loves Frank Sinatra, so I heard him at home often, growing up. His songs have kinda grown on me, I guess. But Michael, he's more _me_, if you know what I mean…"

She doesn't say anything and Bobby steals a look at her again. Kelly's eyes are big and serious and sincere. Then she smiles softly at him and put her hand on top of his on the gear stick and squeezes it a little.

"I know what you mean, Bobby Twist. That's why I love you. And that's also why I'd like to know more about your Dad. Because I think you are so like him… You just don't see it, but I do," she quickly adds when Bobby tries to object. "He is a good man."

"Yes, he is," mumbles Bobby, embarrassed, then pushes the CD in the player and presses the fast selection button.

When the music spills out and fills their car, Bobby turns the sound down to just the right level and tells Kelly about his Dad and Ennis and about how he feels. Because she is also the most important person to all of them now, right?


	24. Flying Ennis a vignette

**Flying Ennis**

(A Vignette on Music and Lyrics Theme)

**Jack**

_Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away_  
_If you can use some exotic booze_  
_There's a bar in far Bombay_  
_Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away_

_Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru_  
_In llama land there's a one-man band_  
_And he'll toot his flute for you_  
_Come fly with me, let's take off in the blue_

_Once I get you up there where the air is rarified_  
_We'll just glide, starry-eyed_  
_Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near_  
_You may hear angels cheer 'cause we're together_

_Weather-wise it's such a lovely day_  
_You just say the words and we'll beat the birds_  
_Down to Acapulco Bay_  
_It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say_  
_Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away_

_Once I get you up there where the air is rarified_  
_We'll just glide, starry-eyed_  
_Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near_  
_You may hear angels cheer 'cause we're together_

_Weather-wise it's such a lovely day_  
_You just say the words and we'll beat the birds_  
_Down to Acapulco Bay_  
_It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say_  
_Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly_  
_Pack up, let's fly away_

_(Come Fly With Me, by Frank Sinatra)_

* * *

Jack slips the CD into the hi-tech audio system, presses the play button and the slightly gritty sounds of a melody spreads and fills the spacious sitting room that opens into the kitchen area with large french windows. A song and a voice recorded decades ago that never grows old for him.

"_Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away  
If you can use some exotic booze  
There's a bar in far Bombay  
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away…"  
_

He strolls into the kitchen to throw together a breakfast for his man, smiling to himself, anticipation rolling in his stomach like a warm, furry critter, impatient and a little wild.

For there is only one thing in his life that thrills Jack more than flying. And that _thing_ is flying Ennis. That's what he's gonna do today.

Ever since he realized on his first trip to Reno that to fly airplanes you didn't have to be an Air Force pilot like his father all Jack wanted was to be able to fly. Anything and everything that flies. And to take Ennis up into the sky. He's never been able to explain, even to himself, why flying Ennis is so damn important to him. It just is. Has always been. Even before he got his pilot's license, at the age of fifteen, then immediately started working towards the UK license. Took him two more years till he was qualified to fly solo in England, but finally he did it, the summer he came back to Bass after his Mom's funeral … The day he took Ennis up with him for the first time, in an old Tiger Moth biplane out of Carlisle Airport, Jack was more nervous than on the day he'd taken his exams for the license itself, ten times over. And then afterwards, when they landed and Ennis smiled at him and said quietly that he'd really liked it, flying with Jack, he was so relieved and happy he almost broke down crying.

After that summer, when he tried to run away from… himself and what he'd had with Ennis and joined the Air Force, for months on end a thought wouldn't let him be – that he'd never be able to take Ennis up with him anymore. He couldn't believe it upset him so much, he almost lost the joy of flying. That and the thought that he might never see Ennis again, ever. Looking back at those years sometimes Jack wonders how in the fricking hell he managed to last that long with those kinda thoughts without doing something stupid. To himself and to the numerous aircraft he flew during all that time. Like he'd wanted, the reason he'd joined the Air Force in the first place… Four fucking years…

And every time he happened to hear that song he'd be hurling down into a depressive syndrome in a matter of hours…

"_Weather-wise it's such a lovely day  
You just say the words and we'll beat the birds…"  
_

Jack looks out through the window. The day is promising to be lovely indeed – sunny, the clearest blue sky, a very light breeze. Perfect for flying… For flying Ennis…

"_Once I get you up there where the air is rarified  
We'll just glide, starry-eyed  
Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near  
You may hear angels cheer 'cause we're together…"  
_

Yeah, and the song. That is something else, Jack chuckles.

He doesn't remember when was the first time that he heard that song. Maybe he was even born hearing it, who knows. His mother loved Sinatra and had a few dozes of audio tapes with his songs. He's pretty sure he heard the song often back then. So, somehow old Frank had grown on him too since he was a child.

But it wasn't until his very first time at Reno Air Races, where he was totally hypnotized by airplanes and flying, once and for all, and then hearing that song at Aviators Club later in the evening, it wasn't until then that he'd _really_ heard it. Heard the words for the first time. And suddenly it dawned on him then, at the silly-boy age of eleven, that it had been written for him and for Ennis. For him with Ennis... Well, almost, he thought back then, cringing and trying to discard words from the song. Words like 'honeymoon' and 'holding you near' and all those lovey-dovey stuff boys didn't do together, he thought…

Not any more. He knows better now, has known for a very long time, since the summer he couldn't stand to be away from Ennis anymore and came back to him.

So, yeah, this is _the_ _song_ and he puts it on every single time he is about to fly Ennis. No exception. Call him a sentimental fool, he doesn't care, but this is Jack's song. For Ennis.

…_And_ they're going to fly today!

"_Weather-wise it's such a lovely day  
You just say the words and we'll beat the birds  
Down to Acapulco Bay  
It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say  
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly  
Pack up, let's fly away!"_


	25. Let Me Love You a vignette

**Let Me Love You**

(A Vignette on Music and Lyrics Theme)

**Ennis**

_You're just too good to be true._  
_Can't take my eyes off you._  
_You'd be like Heaven to touch._  
_I wanna hold you so much._  
_At long last love has arrived_  
_And I thank God I'm alive._  
_You're just too good to be true._  
_Can't take my eyes off you._

_Pardon the way that I stare._  
_There's nothing else to compare._  
_The sight of you leaves me weak._  
_There are no words left to speak,_  
_But if you feel like I feel,_  
_Please let me know that it's real._  
_You're just too good to be true._  
_Can't take my eyes off you._

_I love you, baby,_  
_And if it's quite alright,_  
_I need you, baby,_  
_To warm a lonely night._  
_I love you, baby._  
_Trust in me when I say:_  
_Oh, pretty baby,_  
_Don't bring me down, I pray._  
_Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay_  
_And let me love you, baby._  
_Let me love you._

_(Can't Take My Eyes Off You, a sound track in film Closer)_

* * *

"You sure you'll be okay?"

"Sure. Go, Jack, have fun! Don't break anyone's heart when you're at it, though." Ennis gives him half a grin and motions his head toward the dance floor.

Jack rolls his eyes, flashes a happy smile at him and heads toward the round space at the front end of the club where a dozen of figures are swaying to the beat.

Another thing that Jack loves is dancing. Ennis doesn't dance, but loves watching his man enjoying himself. He's a pretty good dancer, Ennis has to admit, especially with South American dances. Jack loves anything _Latino_, says he grew up with them, first initiated by his Colombian nanny Flora, then by their Mexican cook Mariah. Ennis can never figure how Jack manages to do these maddeningly sensual, fluid, swaying moves with his sculptured, hard muscled body. But he can. And beautifully. And the little show-off knows it, flourishs it. Especially when he knows Ennis's watching. Together with a crowd of others.

It's his fortieth birthday weekend but Ennis thought he could do a little thing for Jack's pleasure too, especially after the grand event Jack has thrown for him. Not that he's going to lose out anyway, not at all. Because after a night out dancing Jack usually gets extra ravenous. For Ennis's loving. Maybe because he'd feel a little guilty for dancing with others, even if he knows that Ennis doesn't mind, not any more, and likes to watch him. Or maybe his body gets into that vibe dancing that the only culmination good enough would be sex. With Ennis. Either way, Ennis is not about to complain. Christ, if anything, he'd be the first to suggest a night out dancing. Come to think of it, he has actually been doing it often ever since that first time when he discovered this secret button that unleashes Jack's lust years ago when he first joined Jack on his annual trip to Reno for the air races.

**o**

**o o**

_On the last night before their departure back home Jack suggested to go out dancing at a Latin club downtown. Ennis said why not and so they found themselves at Coco Boom by 10:00pm. It was still a little early and the club was half empty, with only a handful of people on dancing the floor._

_They sat down at the bar, to get a look around first, a foot of space between them. Just two drinking buddies on a Friday night out._

_They'd just started on their first beers when a female voice said behind their backs, "Hi, there. You guys up for some dancing tonight?"_

_They turned around in their seats. _

_A tall, slender young woman with obsidian black hair and smoky eyes was looking at them expectantly. Well, at Jack mostly, her smile confident._

"_My girlfriends and I are wondering if you guys would like to dance with us tonight." _

_She motioned towards a table strategically positioned in the center of the sitting area. The three women at the table, all in their early thirties, waived at them, all smiles. Yep, they were on a mission._

_Jack looked at him, raised an eyebrow. Ennis gave him an imperceptible shrug with one shoulder, poker faced, held Jack's eyes for half a second then dropped his gaze. _It's your idea, Jack, you deal with it.

_Jack turned to the woman and grinned. _

"_I'd love that. My name's Jack." He offered her his hand. _

"_I'm Linda." She returned an of-course-you-would smile, took his hand._

"_Nice to meet you, Linda." He didn't release her hand. "But Ennis here, he doesn't dance. Doesn't talk much either. So your friends may find him a little boring." He shot Ennis a vindictive glare, stood up and pulled her towards the dance floor. _

_Linda turned her head to look at her friends, shook her head, shrugged, then followed Jack, smiling triumphantly. _

_She was good. Fluent and sensual. But his Jack was better. Not only he danced like a real _Latino, _he also managed not to overshadow his dancing partner, but to bring her out, display her moves and sways with his discreet leads that Ennis thought she didn't expect. The look on her face said it all. _

_By the third dance, salsa, Linda was eating out of Jack's hands, gazing at him with smitten eyes. She looked like she was on a brink of an orgasm and Ennis started seeing green through his eyes. Just a tiny little bit. But it looked like Jack was having fun, so he thought he would live._

_After some six or seven Latin tunes the DJ put on the song that Ennis had heard before, but never really took note of it. Somehow, now it was… It was as if it had been written for him. For now. _

You're just too good to be true  
Can't take my eyes off you.  
You'd be like Heaven to touch  
I wanna hold you so much.

_Jesus Christ, how come he'd never paid attention to the lyrics before?_

_Linda's three girlfriends jumped up and hurried to the dance floor. One of them, the little redhead, diverted to stop by Ennis. _

"_You wanna join?" Her eyes were hopeful._

_Ennis shook his head, smiled at her apologetically. "Nah, sorry. Don't dance." _

_She shrugged, _whatever, _and hurried to join her friends who were hoarding around Jack, all beaming. _

_Jack was his usual chivalrous self – paying attention to all of them, together and separately, even flirting with them a little._

I love you, baby,  
And if it's quite alright,  
I need you, baby,  
To warm a lonely night.

_Jack's eyes flew to meet Ennis's and his smile heightened two notches. Ennis felt the corners of his mouth pulling up and couldn't keep them down afterwards. _

"_Damn, Jack, you're such a flirt!"_ _He whispered to himself, watching as Linda woman plastered herself all over his man. Who laughed, took her hand and proceeded to lead her through some fancy moves that kept her at a respectable distance from his body._

_When the music dwindled down and morphed into a slower rhythm, Jack said something to the four women, then took Linda's hand, kissed it, which made the faces of her friends go 'aawww', and headed back to the bar, leaving the women with their mouths agape and matching looks of longing on their faces._

_Jack walked quickly up to him and into his personal space without slowing down, losing Ennis there for a moment when he put his hand on Ennis's shoulder, leaned in and said in a strained whisper over the loud music. "Let's get out of here, Ennis. Now." _

_Ennis drew back to look at him, "What's wrong, Jack?" then threw a puzzled look at the women on the dance floor._

_Jack was standing too close, their knees touching, Jack's hand still on the cusp of his shoulder. _

_The women stared at the two of them, their jaws almost dropping as Jack leaned in again and growled, "Get the fucking bill, Ennis, and let's get going… Unless you want me to take you right here, right now." _

_Jack's hand on his shoulder started shaking a little. Uh-oh, at this rate they might not be able to get to their hotel room… without some temporarily relief. _

_He took one last read of the situation: the girls – Linda's face furious, others' obviously disappointed; Jack all flustered and trembling; Ennis? Okay, so he was long overdue for some action too, then._

"_Righto, go get some fresh air, cowboy. I'm right behind you."_

_Jack headed towards the exit without a back glance._

_By the time Ennis paid the bill and caught up with him outside the club, Jack had cooled down some. He looked at Ennis from under his eyelashes and mumbled, smiling sheepishly, "Sorry for that, bud. That's stupid song got me all riled up…"_

(Don't I know it, baby!) _"Is that right?" He raised an eyebrow, one corner of his mouth curling up slightly._

"_Yeah… Thought I'd burst if I didn't get to touch you right then." He let out a giggle. _

_Ennis cleared his throat, rumbled "Come here," and pulled Jack into full-bodied embrace. "You're one fucking big, soppy lump, Jack." _

_Jack sighed contentedly, leaning his full weight on him. "I know… But you don't mind, do you?"_

"_Nope… But only if…" He held a pause._

_Jack went rigid in his arms, pulled back to look at him. _

"_Only if what?" His tone of voice was serious, eyes a little worried._

"_Only if it's just the beginning of _'it'_." He fought to keep his face straight, wiggled his eyebrows. _

_It took a second for the meaning to sink in with Jack. Then his whole face broke into the great big smile that Ennis loved so much. He flexed his hips, grinding his erection into Ennis's. _

"_You bet."_

**o**

**o o**

Jack has been pulling his usual dancing trick again tonight – showing off a little, flirting a little, enjoying himself a great deal, dancing with different people, with girls, then with guys, confusing the hell out of them, getting himself a bunch of admirers along the way.

Ennis watches, sipping on his third beer, amused. Okay, so he's just a tiny bit jealous, might as well admit it. He wishes he could dance, had guts to stand up and let his body move to the beat like Jack. But he can't and Jack can and likes it. So, he knows better than begrudge his man his little pleasures. He can always watch and he likes it, too. Even if he didn't know how a night like this would eventually end.

He watches as Jack makes his way to the DJ's station at the back, the DJ leaning forward, Jack shouting something in his ear. The DJ smiles and nods his heads, holds his hand out to Jack and they bump their fists.

The music then swings down and the DJ's voice rumbles in. "And now, this dance is at a special request from one of our patrons here tonight. Jack for his life long partner Denis."

What the fuck? He looks at Jack, confused.

Jack looks at him sheepishly, shrugs, grins apologetically and turns to glare at the DJ. Who holds two thumbs up, clueless.

But the moment the music is up full throttle again Ennis forgets about the cock up.

"_You're just too good to be true  
Can't take my eyes off you…"  
_

Oh, shit! Good that he's had only three beers so far, he hopes he will be able to keep up.

Jack puts out his last dance with flare. At least two blokes and a brave little lassie in a crimson spaghetti strap top are openly vying for his attention. One of the blokes, a buffed up, platinum blond man in skin tight black t-shirt and vest, has been trying to rub up to Jack on every occasion.

Ennis is getting more riled up with every passing minute watching this little action on the dance floor. Not with Jack, but with the fucker who doesn't seem to understand 'no' signals Jack is sending that even Ennis can see from across the room. He feels a strong urge rolling up in his gut to stand up, dash to the dance floor and shove the bastard away from his man. But he knows better than do that, knowing full well that Jack won't appreciate his interference. Jack is a grownup boy and doesn't need protecting, definitely not from some one who looks like an anabolic joke.

Sure enough, the moment the bloke tries to brush against Jack again, he catches him by his biceps, pins the annoying character within inches from his body, says something in his face. The muscular blond freezes for a second, then tries to break free from Jack's death grip, his face tight. Jack lets his arms go, taps on his shoulder, then flashes a smile at his two other avid followers who has been watching the whole exchange with worried expressions on their faces, and heads back to the bar.

He strides up to Ennis, steps straight up to him and in between his parted knees, puts his right hand on Ennis's bicep, claiming him. His chest is still heaving a little.

Ennis palms the back of his head, tugs him close, his lips almost touching Jack's ear. He resists the urge to run his tongue over the damp skin just below the ear, instead just inhales deeply, filling his lungs full with the scent of his man and growls over the blaring music, "Mine."

He feels Jack's smile even before he sees it as his Jack pulls back to look at him, eyes shining, intense. Yep, _that _smile, the one that says all Ennis needs to know. And then Jack's lips move as he says something quietly in response and Ennis doesn't need to hear to figure what it is that Jack's saying. He just knows.

'_Yeah. Always."_


End file.
